Thank You 2011

As the New Year closes this weekend, I think about all the things about this year that I am very much thankful for. There are things that I have accomplished and achieved this year that I am beyond thankful for in many different ways. I look back on the year and I see there are plenty of things that I should be thankful for, thing that I may not have appreciated or even realized until now.

I am thankful that I have been healthy all year. Sure I had a few colds here and there but I didn't have anything major or anything that required immediate medical attention. I am healthy and happy.

I am thankful I got to experience all kinds of new things. I made a goal to do things that would take me out of my comfort zone and I did plenty of things that took me far from my comfort zone. I lived in an area I knew nothing about and didn't know anyone. I started singing solos at church, and I have begun talking to people I didn't know. I initiated conversations not the other person. For those who really know me know that is a huge accomplishment for me.

I am thankful Tom and I have spent a year together, well over a year, but all of 2011 we were together and happy. Not to mention we lived together for a year without ripping each other's heads off hehe. But kidding aside we have lived together for a year and still love each other more than anything and still cannot imagine being with anyone else.

I am thankful for all the friends I have. They are all amazing and teach me so many things and inspire me; like Terry who I have spoken about in a previous post. My friends support me and inspire me to do more than what I normally do. They inspire me to push myself beyond my limits and be a better person.

There are so many things throughout this year that I am thankful for and am happy has happened this year. I am looking forward to the new year and things that will happen, I already am excited for a friend to visit from Italy. This will be a good year.

New Year"s Resolutions

Every year people around the nation, and possibly the world prepare for the coming new year and even begin to make resolutions for the new year. People set themselves goals like lose weight or read one book a month or even get out of debt. I admit I have made the goal of getting out of debt and really it never worked out the way I thought it would, I mean when does it ever work out the right way. Too often we try for the first few month then by March we give up because we expect everything to happen right away; almost as if as soon as we make the resolutions we want them to come.

We always make these resolutions and work to try an improve ourselves or improve something in our lives, but how often do we follow through with them. How often do we make those changes and improve ourselves. I think there is an innate feeling that we NEED to make a resolution and say we are going to change something in the next year or do something in the next year to make it better than the last. How is that really working out for us? It's not.

So instead of making a resolution for next year and saying this will happen next year I am setting small steps for myself like working out for 10 minutes a day whether in the morning or when I get home after work. Or that I want to write more, take time to write more and even read more, which I have started recently. The small steps are more achievable than the big resolutions. Then instead of saying I am going to do it on my own, I'm going to have my friends keep my accountable, maybe find someone I could workout with sometime or something. I know if I had someone to talk to or music to listen to I am more apt to workout more. So thats a start. We'll see how things turn out by March.

New Years

It is slowly coming upon us, New Years. This year seems to have gone by so quickly that I wonder where did it go? So many different new things happened. I tried different foods, and did things I never thought I would do such as dive into the ocean. There are a lot of things that happened this year that I am very proud that I accomplished and was able to do such as talk to random people at anime conventions that I didn't know. As the new year comes I look back and see all the great things that have happened along with the not so great ones.

There were times when I needed to struggle to appreciate what I have. I have lost some family members and even friends to various different things. Tom and I moved in together, we celebrated 1 year of being together and adopted two kitties into our lives. I have learned to break from my comfort zone and talk to people I don't know and initiate the conversation. I played in the ocean; including diving into the waves without being afraid. I flew in a plane around the island, I learned to make jewelry, worked at a job I hated and realized what I wanted to do with my life.

I have learned who my true of true friends are and who aren't truly my friends. This year was full of many surprises good and bad and I honestly have to say I would not change my year for anything. I look forward to what this coming year has to offer and what I can expect from it. I hope it is full of happiness and overcoming hardships as this year has been. Happy Early New Year my friends.

Growing Up

I have always loved Christmas because it gave me a chance to be with my family and this year, it hit me that my family is slowly growing It includes not just my family, but Tom's as well. We spent Christmas Eve and some of Christmas Day with my parents and my brother and then the rest of the day with Tom's family. It was nice going to his sister's with presents in our arms for the kids and a nice Christmas flower for Dana. Not to mention the time we spent with wonderful friends like Josh and Kate. Lately a lot of little things have been hitting me as "oh my gosh I am an adult."

I didn't really think this post was going to take this turn when I began it, but this has been something that has really been on my mind a lot. Things are falling into place and I am really an adult now. Not that I wasn't before, but I am being more of an adult now. When we go to Josh and Kates its nice, the guys band off to play a game or randomly talk about things and Kate and I will sit and talk about cooking, decorating or her wedding. I like when we sit down and do that. For Christmas, the boys put up the tree then Kate and I decorated it and it was like this wonderful little moment that I will most likely remember and will always treasure. Things are definitely more important than others now. When did I become an adult? When was that moment? I never seen it happen haha. One minute I was content at playing in the dirt or coloring (I still love that) and the next I'm decorating my house, looking for new recipes and talking to my friend about decoration and being a "domestic goddess".

I realize I am almost 30 and being an adult is the natural thing to happen, but is it really supposed to sneak up on you like that? Like really when did I become an adult and who do I go to to complain about some things that go with being an adult like bills!

What Can You Live Without

In training today we were given and exercise to do. We got a list of words, about 16, like respect, honesty, trust, forgiveness, honor, patience and others.  We were then asked out of those 16 words which 5 could we live without.  We spent only five minutes to think about the words and what we can live without.  It was hard to decide what we could live without.

There are things we want to have and dont want to live without.  The ones we all picked were ones that generally isnt found in society like fairness, life isnt fair no one will get things equally, so I can live without it.  Do I want it, sure.  We all want fairness, but will we get it, probably not.  I think it was so hatd because we dont want to accept that we can live with something like fairness or justice.

There is a sense of wanting things in life.  We want people to be kind, respectful, just, patience and whatever else.  But in reality is everyone everything we want them to be?  Of course not.  But we still expect it, and honestly find it hard  to believe that its possoble it doesnt exist.  What is something you find hard to accept that you can live without?

Trusting God More

I mentioned a few posts ago that I was working my way through the Purpose Driven Life and I admit I am not reading it every day like I should be doing. If I was I should be done with it by now. But that isn't the point. In Chapter 9 the question to consider is "Since God knows what is best, in what areas of my life do I need to trust him most?" After I read that question it got me thinking about my life and what aspects of it do I need to trust God with more?

When I try to think of those areas I tend to think I need to trust God more in all aspects of my life.  I need to give up control of more things.  Too often I still want to hang onto some control over all aspects of my life.  I want to try to do things my own way, how I want them to be done instead of how God could want it done.  I need to have more faith and then maybe I won't want to give up quicker.

I need give more to God than just one thing. Even small things like my finances, or something as simple as falling asleep.  I just simply need to trust Him more.

Christmas Thanks

Throughout the year we give thanks during different holidays such as Thanksgiving or Veterans Day. There are times when we just need to stop and give thanks for various things, whether they are big or small. I think a lot of the time people think they need to give thanks for things that big in their lives or the big things people do for them about I think it is the small things that we need to give thanks for the most. This Christmas season I have really been thinking about the things that I am thankful for in my life.

I am thankful to be sitting here today typing this blog. As I was wrapping gifts this morning for those I love I tried to image how life would be if things were different. Would things be the same if I wasn't diagnosed with cancer? Either way, I am thankful for it. I am thankful for the viewpoint and compassion it has given me.

I am thankful for my family. God has granted me with a wonderful family and that includes those I have adopted into my family such as Lau and Melissa new sisters and of course my church family. Every person in my life means more to me than they know and Im starting to wonder if I should begin to remind them how wonderful each and everyone of them are to me.

I am thankful for my three kitties. Yes my kitties, the give me comfort sometimes and make me laugh. Sometimes I sit and wonder what they are thinking when the do certain things. They are a good addition to our home and are so comforting when they allow you to hold them.

There are so many things in life that I am thankful for and honestly there just isn't time in the world to begin to describe everything that I am thankful for in my life. So this season, what are you thankful for, big or small?

Changes

In the beginning of the year or so a dear dear friend of mine, possibly my best guy friend made a promise to me about himself. He wanted to make changes, be a better person,but remain the same lovable guy he is. While I was driving home today I was thinking about the past year and this particular friend and I must say I am very proud of him.

I have seen people make themselves promises and goals and never stick to them, or try for a month or two, don't get what they want then give up. But not T. he has stuck through it, through the hard moments and times when he had to struggle and is becoming such a remarkable person (not that he wasn't one already). I think too often as humans we want things to change right away, we don't want to take the time it needs to make big changes in our lives. And when we do, we rarely hear praise for being able to stick to our desires and really make a difference in our lives.

I want to say how proud I am of my friend that he hasn't succumbed to the selfish thought of wanting everything NOW. He is really thinking of being a better person for the people in his life, mainly two important people, as well as himself. I have no only seen a difference in his actions and conversations we have, but there is a change in his spirit, a change in how he presents himself even if all i see is online though facebook and our hours of chatting. It is as if my friend has become a new person. I know there is still more to come and things he wants to change about himself but I have to say BRAVO on the progress he's made and how amazing he is, and will always be. He is an inspiration to me to actually get myself motivated to make the changes in my life I would like to change.

30 before 30

A friend of mine and decided to start a list of things we wanted to do before we are 30; 30 things before we are 30. So far we haven't done anything on either of our lists, heck we don't even have full lists yet. But granted there are things we want to do before we are 30 and decide we will do some of these things together.

1. Sing Karaoke

2. Yoga/pilates classes

3. Take a night class

4. get a pedicure

5. Go on the Gateway Clipper

6. Write More

7. Go Salsa dancing

8. Learn to draw

9. Ride a Duckie Tour

10. Finish a video game without help

My List isn't complete and honestly I don't think it ever will be fully complete. There is always going to be something I want to do before I turn 3o and then after I turn 30, there is will be things that I wish I did but then put them on another list of some sort I think as human beings there will always be things that we want to do with life and things we want to accomplish before our time on this earth is complete. Either way,it is something fun to do and possibly bond over. Wish me luck!

Living In The Here And Now

I was reading chapter 4 of Purpose Driven Life and one of the things he stated was that there is more to life than the here and now. That we should live towards the future, or even eternity. I tend to disagree with Mr. Warren on this though. I don't think we spend too much time live our lives in the here and now, but we live in the past. We are too focused on things that happened in the past and wonder what could have been or what should have been.

I think we spend too much thinking and living in the past to even think about the here and now let alone the future. Could it be because the past is comfortable? That is where our comfort zone is, we don't know what the future can hold. We are comfortable with the past because we know what happen and on some level are comfortable with knowing there is no risks involved, where as the future is unknown and scary to an extent. We have a hard time paying attention to the here and now. I don't think we even know how to focus on the here and now.

I made it a goal to try and live in the here and now and look towards the future instead of focus on the past. I don't want to live in the past anymore and allow it to rule my life so to speak. The past should remain there and used to determine or present or our future. So while Mr. Warren is correct in saying there is more to life than the here and now, there is more to life than the past.

Happiness

I seen a question today asking what brings you happiness, or what brings happiness to your life. That made me start thinking, what does bring me happiness. And there is a huge list of things that does bring me happiness. My life with Tom and seeing his smile every day makes me happy, or talking to someone from my family whether it is through a text message, on facebook or on the phone all brings me happiness. Seeing my friends and making memories with them make me happy.

Alot of people were saying various material objects made them happy, but its isn't the things we have in our lives that make it special, but the people we have in our lives that make it wonderful. When I get a message pop up in facebook from Terry saying Hi I have to smile, or when I get random messages from Melissa it makes my day. When I feel most depressed and sad I don't turn to my television or computer or other material things, i call my mom or try to talk to Tom or Melissa. Its the people in our lives that matter the most. The people that makes us happy not the objects we have laying around our house.

Why do we strive so hard to have the latest technology when we have people in our lives who are waiting to see us or talk to us? Why do we rush out on Black Friday to go shopping instead of spending time together as a family? I had a better time sitting at home with Tom watching movies and generally being together than I would have going to a store crowded by people fighting to get something on sale. I heard we spend 52 million dollars on Friday couldn't we have done that by taking grandma to dinner or something?

Loving Yourself

As I said before I am working my way through Purpose Driven Life, and in the second chapter he talks about how we are not a mistake in God's plan. That we are designed to look the way we do because God wanted us to look this way. But being humans there are always things that we do not like about ourselves, things we would like to change and alter, and in reality some people do go and have surgery to alter how they look. I admit there are things about myself that I do not like, and that includes my personality and attitude towards things, not just how I look.

While there are things that I would like to change, like my weight and this little belly bump I have (most women hate the belly bump) I will not go to the extremes to alter myself. The most I will do is probably dye my hair. I am generally happy with who I am and love the person that I have become and am still growing to be. Some of the things I don't like about myself such as my selfishness sometimes, jealous among other things. We all have things that we don't like about ourselves,things we wish we could change, but wouldn't those things be things that make us different from everyone else around us. Who wants to be just like everyone else?

I should be happy that I am not like everyone else and that there are things that set me a part. Yes there are things I can do to make myself better, improve on what God sees as perfection. But I shouldn't hate God's perfection.

Life Is Not About Me

I started to re-read The Purpose Driven Life, I am determined this time to get through the whole book this time. I mean if I read it once a day it would only take me 40 days, but if I read more I can get through more right? At the end of each chapter there are points to ponder, questions and verses. After the first chapter (that's all I got through so far, I'll get through more I promise) asks how can I remind myself live isn't about living for me, but for God? Through my daily life how can I remind myself that my life isn't about me? That I shouldn't be as selfish as I can be sometimes because as human beings we are all selfish.

I think there are times when I do need to remember this life isn't about me and times when I am being selfish because I admit I can be selfish I need to remember this and appreciate what I do have. I need to remember that I cannot have everything the way I want it to be, how I want it. Sometimes what I want goes against the needs of someone else in my life or even the desires of God, who am I to ask God to change things so that I can be happy? I wonder what can I do to remind myself that I should not only put God first, but also the other people in my life before myself. My happiness isn't the most important thing, sure it is important but I should try to make the other people in my life happy as well shouldn't I? I should be doing things for others, and I realized the other day I ask others to do things for me a lot.

When I think to do something for myself I need to wonder could I do this for someone else, or when I ask for something even if it is small I need to think, can I do it myself. Everytime I drive past the Light the Life mission reminds me to be thankful for my home and other luxuries so who am I to be selfish about the kind of house I am living in? The world does not revolve around me, I should ask "Why me." I should ask "how can i help others," but honestly I don't know how I can remind myself of this. Think that is a hard thing to do for anyone.

Thanksgiving Day

Throughout the day everyone has a post or sending text messages about things they are thankful for. I am happy to see a lot of them talk about family and friends and how important those people are to them. Thanksgiving is a day went set aside to give thanks for what we have in life, some do something like things we are thankful for from the year. Thanksgiving reminds us of the things we have in life compared to things we might not have had, or things we wouldn't have without certain luxuries.

In our lives there are so many things that we have that we take for granted, things that the early settlers didn't have, heck things our grandparents, and even parents didn't have. I am thankful for the small things we do realize is considered a luxury like the ability to take a hot bath whenever I want to, or even to turn the heat up when I get cold. I make jokes about my love of shoes, but to be able to have as many shoes as I do, or even as much clothes not just I do but we all do. Im sure everyone who reads this has enough clothes to last at least 1 or 2 weeks. And if we don't we have the ability to wash those clothes. That is something in itself to be thankful for. Things we have in our daily lives, things that seem mundane, but things we would be lost without. Who could go a day or two without a hot shower?

I think on a day that we give thanks for not only the people that make a difference in our lives, but also the luxuries that make a difference in our lives. While we eat the turkey, mashed potatoes, veggies or whatever we all eat on this holiday, be thankful for not only the people we are eating with, but the food were are eating, the home we are eating in, silveware etc. You get the idea. Happy Thanksgiving, and thank you for reading ^_^

Community Thanksgiving

Tonight we had a community Thanksgiving service meaning all the churches in the area got together for worship and prayer during the Thanksgiving holiday. It was a great experience to hear the other worship teams sing as well as sing with the other churches. It was nice coming together under one church and recognize that while we are different churches we worship and honor one God and that we can be a community with different faiths working in harmony.

Hearing the different Pastors and Priests pray and speak made me appreciate what we have as a community. We have religious harmony that many other communities do not have. What I didn't get to see but Tom told me later was after Pastor Paul spoke, another Pastor gave him the "bro fist" or they patted each other on the back, and Father Gary is leaving St. Lukes so all the pastors stood around him and prayed with him. How many other churches would pray with each other for the safety of another? How many churches would come together and agree while we worship differently we worship the same God and are thankful for that God. All got a glimpse into the worship style of another church. I think that is what I liked the most, hearing other choirs singing and hearing preachers/priests speak in their manner. It was amazing.

Afterwards there was a small reception with cookies and cake. It gave us a chance to sit together and talk. While doing so, Tom and I go the chance to talk to someone within our own church that we didn't get the chance to speak to, but we also got the chance to talk to a Pastor from a different church, a different Pastor Paul. It was a nice experience to have and I appreciate that St. Luke's was willing to play host to an amazing event such as this. I think in the future the community churches should do more events and activities together to show the community that we do have a unity. Made me so thankful for the generosity of St. Luke's, Father Gary and Father John. without them reaching out and offering it to the other churches we would not have been able to experience that.

Anime USA

This past weekend Tom, Brandon and I went to Anime USA in Arlington,Va. We had such a good time, it was probably one of the best conventions that we have attended. It was partly because we volunteered and got to experience some things that other people didn't. After all the regular con-goers got their autographs and pictures with the voice actors, we got to get ours, so instead of standing in line and waiting, I still got to meet the actors I wanted to met; including Micah Soulsod. There were panels that were fun to attend, concerts that were amazing (some were not as amazing) and I got to talk to random people.

While at the convention I came to a small realization. I was able to talk to numerous random people whether they were standing in line and I was the "line starts here" girl or just random people we seen cosplaying awesome cosplays. We actually made new friends from talking to them throughout the day and then in line for various voice actors during the last day. But the big part is that I stepped out of my comfort zone and talked to various people I didn't know. That is the biggest part of my social anxiety I struggle with. I have a hard time talking with people I don't know, but I felt so at ease talking to everyone as if I had known them for years. It felt like a weight has been lifted and I wonder if I can talk to people at an anime convention, why can't I talk to people in normal situations? Why is it so hard for me to talk to someone I don't know?

Being Hurt

Recently we acquired a new kitten named Orion. He looks much like our other cats aside from him being a little lighter color of gray. He is so lovable and loves to held really tight, that is if you are able to catch him. Whenever we try to pick him up he runs or hisses. Sometimes he does let us pick him up, carry and hold him. More so lately. But when we go to pet him, his ears go back, he closes his eyes tight and his tail goes between his legs as if he is expecting to get beat. Makes me wonder what people did to him in the past before he was taken to the Humane Society.

Seeing how my kitten is reacting to us despite us giving him attention and affection makes me think about myself. Too often I allow my past hurts to effect me. I expect to be hurt, expect to be left alone again. I found it hard to trust that Tom loves me probably like Orion finds it hard to trust us. How do we learn to trust someone after being hurt so often? How do we learn to let our guard down and sleep in someone's arms? The other night Orion fell asleep on me, and then got scared when he woke up. I think that happens to us a lot of the time. We get comfortable with someone, we begin to let down our guard and when we realize it we freak out.

While the ity bity is terrified of Tom and I, he is perfectly fine with the other two cats. He snuggles with them and licks them, tons of attention to and from the other cats. Which also makes me think of how we are with our friends, sure we don't lick our friends, well some of us don't. But we do look to them for comfort and reassurance when we are unsure of our situations. How many of us turn to a friend when we are in need? I think we can really learn a lot about our actions and things to cause us to think by watching our pets.

Thanksgiving

Next week is Thanksgiving, the day we sit with family and eat a ton if food. Basically it us the.beginning if the holiday season. Many times wr forget what the meaning of the holiday really is. Why we actually come together. We forget to give thanks on the day designated to do so. Why is that?

Why do we find it so hard to simply say thank you? We tend to say thank you for something we want like if someone gave us ride somewhere or gave us a compliment or a gift. But what if someone did something out of the blue to be nice? How often do we say thank you for that? Shouldn't we say thank you for anything someone does for us? To show we appreciate them and cherish what they do for us. I think being thankful is something that we should do just once a year or during 1 month. It should be something that is continuous. We should give thanks for everything thought the year and randomly tell the people in our lives thank you for everything they do for us.

Even if It posting something on Facebook like "hey thanks for being there" or something. It shows you are thankful and with this society being glued to facebook (I admit I have a tab open with facebook as I type this) it should be easy to post something or send someone a quick message. So tell someone you care about thank you, not just o or around Thanksgiving, but all the time.

Loving Thanks

I think every now and again we need to give thanks to those that we love. I have been with Tom for 1 year and 3 months or so and I love him with all my heart. I can't imagine my life without him and can't wait til we get married and I get to spend my life with him. I've been trying to make it a point lately to tell him how much he means to me and what he means to me. also why I love him. There are so many things I love about Tom and things I am thankful for like how he cooks dinner for me when I come home from work. Or how he makes me laugh and cuddles with me at random moments.

I love how he tries to take care me the best he can even if it is putting a movie on for me or turning the heater on before I go to bed. He tries so hard to make me happy and ensure that I am happy with him. And I am. I know there are times when he gets on my nerves or annoys me, but what relationship doesn't have those moments. It is the moments in between that matter, the ones where we spend time together just the two of us, or when we are with friends like Josh and Kate.

Tom is everything I ever wanted and dreamed of and so much more. I thank God for him everyday and sometimes I wonder if I show him I appreciate him enough. Do I spend enough time with him, do I tell him I love him enough. Do I treat him well enough, like do I treat him the way he deserves to be treated. I always think there could be more I could do for him. I love him, I should be able to do more for him and treat him like the prince he is.

Being Fair

I have always thought that if you love someone, truly love them, then you should let them know. But how far does that go? Should you tell someone you love them (or love them still) when they are in a relationship with someone else? This question has been on my mind a lot lately. Is it fair for one person to say 'I finally have things together and can give you what you deserve and need" after years of being gone. Would that be considered selfish? Even if you consider each other soul mates, is it still fair to profess our love and desire for a person if they are with someone else?

Is it the same as cheating if you are trying to cause someone who is in love and happy in a relationship to look at you in a loving relationship manner? Or to put it better, is it the same as cheating to try and gain someone's interest meaning pull them away from their current spouse?

Thinking

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the past four years or so. It’s been four years since the doctors told me I had cancer. Four years since I was told that there was 5 cancerous tumors throughout my lymph node system. Four years since my body was cut open, since I had poison coursing through my body. My hair has grown for four years. Its really been four years since I was told I was cancer free. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long, but at the same time it does. When you think about 4 years isn’t all too long. Especially when you look at the bigger picture. Four years ago my life could have ended. It was being Hodgkin’s and Non-Hodgkin’s. By chance, I had the good kind.

While I still feel somewhat the same person, I know things are different and not because of side effects or anything, but more because I see things differently. I’ve learned more the importance of small things like blooming roses or simply watching the snow fall, or the smile on my cat’s face when he lays in a sun beam (yes he smiles). I keep thinking that four years ago could have been the end of my life, but it wasn’t. Sure things were bad and no one wants to hear the word cancer come out of their doctor’s mouth, but it could have been worse. Does that sound weird or bad? I was lucky. My cancer was curable, there are so many people who sit in chemotherapy or radiation for months on end, with no sign of a change. There are people who the cancer has claimed their life. I was lucky I am still here. I should cherish my life and not take it or the things in life for granted.

I have been trying not to take anything for granted and live life to the fullest. I don’t want my life to be “Wasted” so to speak. As the saying goes, you only have one life to live. We should cherish it and not take certain things for granted. I dont know if my life would be the same as it is now if I wasn't diagnosed or if I would still have changed. But I am thankful that I went through that experience.

Love

The other morning Tom woke up saying "theres my future wife."  Now we are not engaged yet, but the subject comes up a lot.  Obviously it got me thinking about various things, mainly us. 

Many women think Im crazy or whatever, but I do not need an expensive diamond ring or anything to know Tom loves me remind me he wants to marry me.  My ring should be whatever Tom feels represents us as a couple and our life together.  It doesnt  need to be thousands of dollars.  That seems like putting a price on our live/relationship.  Which just seems wrong.

Love and marriage shouldnt start with how much is spent on rings, dress, etc.  It starts with us,loving each otther and plan our,lives together.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.

Friendships

Sometimes it is amazing wgen you sit back and look at friendships in your life.  In the past few years I have lost countless friends.  Some close and painful to lose, others not so much.  Many things have made thosr friendships fizzle, and there are some that I don't understand what happened.

Today Tom and I spent our day with Josh and Kate.  Its always a joy to spend the day with them.  Today I mostly sat back admiring our friendships.  I thought about other friendships and realize how thankful I am for my friends: all of them, and ones that it might be time to let go of.  I also thought of friebds that I ned to be a better friend to like Terry.

There is a sayinh that friends are the family God forgot to give us.  I have a few I would say are family.  We love family despite shortcomings.  So does that mean I should firgive a friend who has offended not only but Tom as well?  What things in a friendship should be forgiven, and what not to be forgiven? When dies that line get drawn?

Random thanks

Its starting to get closer to Thanksgiving, the time if year we gorge ourselves on turkey, and maybe gives thanks for things in our lives. All too soon that day will come and go and we will go back to not goving a second thought to being thankful or saying it to those we appreciate. Ive been trying to do a weekly thing of giving thanks and I admit sometimes I just forget. But that doesnt make me any less thankful.

There are so many things and people that I am thankful for, but I will save that for another post. I see things everyday that not only I should be thankful for but everyone. Why is it we have a hard time saying Thank you or Thanks. I think we need to do it more often. To stop and think about the things that mattet to us and that we are thankful for.

Family

Right now I am watching my dad, brother and Tom work on a fence for the yard. Its the perfect picture perfect moment. The three guys worling hard, the trusty old.dog following daddy around. Its a gorgeous day out too. The sun is shining and warm with a slight breeze.

It may not be a moment that stories upon stories are told about, but its a moment not only I will cherish, but the men will too I'm sure. All I need to have it be 100% perfect is mom sitting here with.me,.but shes working so ill settle for texting her.

Its a moment.like this where I sit back and have to thank God for allowing me to have it. Thank God for something so simple and what others would see as mundane. Its helping me remember how much I really appreciate and love them.

Pastoral Thanks

Since this month is Pastor Appreciation I think all of the thankfulness posts are going to be for each of my pastors. This week goes to a pastor who shows strength in all things he does. A pastor who sacrifices his own comfort to protect those he loves as well as our country. That pastor is Pastor Jason. Pastor Jason is one of those people that you want around you, it is hard not to love Pastor Jason. There are so many things about Jason that one person can be thankful for; he is simply awesome.

First and foremost for serving our country. We cannot comprehend how difficult that was

Being a model of strength and virtue

As with Pastor Paul: being a great example of loving your spouse unconditionally

Willing to lend a hand

His hugs. They seem to be able to make problems seem smaller

Honesty Something not many people have anymore. Jason is always honest with those around him

Helpfulness; He loves helping other people when he can, he’d give you the shirt off his back if he could

Compassion/caring heart

I am thankful that Jason shows emotion. He teaches the young men around him that it’s okay to show emotion

His laughter, it is simply infectious. You cannot help but laugh when Jason laughs.

Jason is one of those people that makes your day when you see them. Pastor Jason always has something to say that we can learn from in all aspect of life not just spiritual life. Pastor Jason does so much not only for the church, the country, but for his friends, family and community. He is a prodominate figure in all aspects. In short, I am simply thankful for Pastor Jason.

Thankfulness

For some reason I stopped doing this and I think I should get back into doing the blog, especially my thankfulness posts. October is a month of celebration and awareness. It is breast cancer awareness as well as Pastor Appreciation month. So for this post I am going to choose one of my pastors: Pastor Paul. There are so many things I am thankful for with Pastor Paul.

Always being there to listen and offer helpful, Biblical and fatherly advise

Being unjudging and accepting for who we are

Helping me remain strong through everything

Willingness to sacrifice his own comforts

His ability to make any situation fun and serious at the same time

Y.E.S. Camp

Showing what loving your spouse really means

Being a shining example of a Godly man

Caring about everyone and showing it

I am thankful that Pastor Paul puts his heart into the church, his family, and his job. He shows what dedication is. He shows true passion and compassion in everything he does.

While this month is Pastor appreciation month, I think we should show appreciation for our pastors every week in some form. Pastor Paul is an amazing pastor, friend, and role model. It is hard not to learn something from him even if you are simply having a conversation with him. I am thankful to call him not only my pastor but also my friend and someone I look up to and admire.

Looking Back

Four years ago I was sitting in my doctor’s office waiting to hear news that could change my life for the second time that year. I was waiting to hear the results of several scans, several blood work, and months of chemotherapy. I was waiting to hear if I was cancer free or if I needed to continue fighting. I would find out if I still have something inside my body that I personally had no control over.

April of 2007 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lyphoma; I learned a lot through the trials of chemotherapy. I learned more about my faith, I gained a better understanding of crying out to God, tearing your clothes in anguish (believe me I wanted to do just that at times). I learned the true power of prayer and my appreciation for all the small things have gotten better. I look at a sunset or a flower blooming in the garden and it means so much more to me than it did before. I feel more humbled and the bigger grand design of things.

Through the cancer I realized I am more of a speck. I have a small insignificant role in a grand design. Emerson talked in his essay on Nature about the transparent eye (or something like that) I can somewhat understand that better. I can; on a small scale; understand what God must be seeing. Things are different, the way I view the world, people in my life, even my own life. I work hard to appreciate the simple things even if it is being able to wake up every day and take a breath of air, even if it is really cold air.

The Motions

I have gotten into the habit of listening to K-LOVE on my way to and from work, it is a Christian radio station. When I listen to it in the morning, I notice a difference from when I listen to something else or nothing at all. I have more energy and I am not as irritated with some of my co-workers. But anyway a song came on that I have heard many times before, but today…it brought me to tears. I tried to sing along but I got choked up. Very few songs make me do that, unless they really hit home and make me think about my life and my walk with Jesus.

Sometimes it does feel as if I am going through the motion of living life. Am I really allowing God’s passion to fill my life and my soul. I think I need to allow God to fill my life and allow him to be present in all aspects of my life. Somehow the passion of Christ has left me, probably because I am guilty of thinking I can handle things, or thinking this are too busy to spend even a few minutes with God. Its like just walking through the day in a daze, or a fog so to speak. Too often we do just go through the motions and follow the routine of things so to speak. I just told Tom the other day; I don’t like my new job because it is too routine, but we are content with having a routine with God. Why? We have schedules for our times with God, like church on Sunday or prayer time when we wake up or before bed, or Bible time during lunch or whatever. Why don’t we just randomly stop and pray like we would randomly stop and check our facebook?

I am sitting here as I type this and I ask myself I try hard to make time to spend with Tom because I love him, or time with my family and friends because I love them. I love Christ, so why is it so hard to make time for Him? Why is it I can listen to the songs and sing along at home or in the car, yet when I get to work I listen to something completely different? Maybe that can be the first change to not “going through the motions”

God's Will

Lately I have been listening to a Christian radio station K-Love more often. I love listening to it on my way to work. The other day I forget what they were talking about but they mention"For I know The plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I don't know why but hearing that verse really hit me and made me begin thinking about so many different things mainly my own life. God knows the plans he has for my life. Sure I may not know them, But God does.

I have been trying to write up my testimony for a few youth groups around the area and have been having a hard time doing it until I heard this verse. God has a plan for everything in our lives, the good things and the bad things are a part of God's plans. We may not know what those plans are and sometimes we may never know what they are, but God always has a way of using every event in our lives for something good, something better. In 2007 I was diagnosed with cancer, and there were times when I wondered what could possibly be God's plan for me to have cancer when I was 24. The more I think about it, the more I can see a plan, a path I can take. through my experience I can talk to others on a wide range of things regarding God. I could talk of His healing, His plans, that it is okay to be angry at God and so much more.

Me, Me, Me

One of the questions at the end of chapter one for Purpose Driven Life asks: "In spite of advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?" After reading that question and the chapter which is about learning that life isn't mine persay, but a life for God.

Too often we are so self centered and want everything for ourselves. We think that everything revolves around our own wants and desires. Even before the hurricane hit Hatteras Island, people complained their vacations would be interrupted, what about the families on the island? What about those who would lose houses, businesses and more? But vacationers didn't worry about that, just that their vacations were being interrupted and plans destroyed. The point of is that we are too focused on the "me syndrome." Everything and sometimes everyone has to revolve around us and our needs. We don't often think of other people unless a big disaster happens or something like that.

Was there a time when humanity wasn't so centered on themselves? Did people ever honestly, truly care about the people around them? I would like to think so, I mean people used to help raise children like the saying "it takes a village to raise a child." If humanity did ever think about other people and not constantly themselves, is there a way we can become less self-centered?

One Year

I was going to start this differently and do something completely different. But while I was driving into town today, I just sat there (driving) and thinking about this past year and the past relationships. No it wasn't a bad thing like it has in the past. i didn't rehash all the bad experiences I have had, but gave thanks for the good within my relationship with Tom. While I thought I began to cry from happiness. For once I am nearing the one year anniversary knowing the man beside me loves me despite my faults and short comings. He knows where I am weak and where I am strong and that doesn't make a difference. He doesn't see me for what he wants me to be, but for who I am.

I was never good enough, or "too good" for someone. Although sometimes I think the "too good" comment was a cop-out for the men who said it. I was never right for someone and I always thought it was a problem with me, that something was wrong with me. But now I see, it was the other way around, they weren't right for me. They always tried to make me into someone I wasn't or thought I was someone different, and when they realized who I am for the person I am...they couldn't handle it. But with Tom, everything is different. Even how we interact is different. It all....fits.

One year ago I went out on a date with this guy I was talking to...it turned out to be the best date of my life, and in turn...became the best relationship. We had an amazing year together I am sure we will have more in the future.

Sunset

A few weeks ago I sat at Kitty Hawk Kites to watch the sunset. While I was there waiting for the sun to start setting, I watched the kite boarders board on the sound. The wind carried them across the water as if God took his hand and pulled them across the water. I sat taking various pictures, a little too many actually.

Sometimes it is easy to take some things for granted no matter what those things could be. Too often we don't think about the things that we have that someone else might not have in another country. Not even material things. We take opportunities for granted, people for granted. We turn our backs on our friends, we make fun of people and spread gossip instead of embracing our differences and learning more. We allow opportunities to pass us by instead of relishing in them. How many times do we take a few minutes to enjoy a sunset? How often do we take a day away from the computer or tv and walk around our neighborhoods or drive somewhere different to explore?

If I didnt take the opportunity to come to North Carolina, if I had told Tom no I didn't want to and wanted to stay in Pittsburgh. There are so many things I would have missed out on experiencing such as seeing jellyfish, watching dolphins swimming in the ocean, watching the sun set over the sound, or sitting on the beach under the moonlight with Tom. We are planning more weekend trips where we just explore different American cities within driving distance or even a cruise sometime to explore and visit other places.

Life is too short to miss out on amazing things this world has to offer, or even what our own cities and states have to offer us. Better yet, its too short to miss out on what we can offer each other. Seize the day!

Changes

It has been a little while since I have written something due to many different reasons one of which being not having much of an internet connection and recently my computer not working. But it's back and soon Tom and I will be back home. But that really isn't what this post is about. I have spent a few weeks just staring off at the ocean, sunset, or nothing in general. Thinking. About various different things, mainly myself and some of the things I do or don't do. There are some things I would like to change about myself and things I would like to start doing differently. Some I have already started doing, others will start when I get home and have access to more resources. One thing I am determined to make it through the Purpose Driven Life, and one thing I am going to do is post on here some stuff pertaining to it, like my thoughts, answers to some of the questions etc. Maybe that will help me become more disciplined in some things.

I want to be more disciplined in so many aspects of my life. I do things great for a few days then I mess up my schedule and all is lost. I want that to change. Part of that is working out more and getting in better shape and eating more properly, including drinking things that are better for me than soda most of the time. There are so many things I want to do in life, but for some reason I limit myself. No one else limits me, but myself. That is going to change, and will change. :D I will post more this week and soon I will be back to home in Pittsburgh!

Walk On The Beach

This morning we woke up to rain, boo.  But despite the drizzle Tom and I decided to still go to Pea Island and walk the beach looking for sea glass and sea shells.  When we got there, the rain hadn’t hit yet, so we were in luck.  We spent about an hour or two just walking on the beach together with the waves washing over our feet and collecting shells and glass, and talking.  It was a wonderful morning.

Sometimes I think every couple needs that alone time to spend together whether it is a dinner and movie out (or in)  or even a stroll around the block, woods, anywhere.  A part of keeping a relationship going is to have that quality time together to show how important each other truly are.  Quality time is one of five love languages that Dr. Chapman talks about in his book “Five Love Languages.”  in short the ways we all feel loved and important.

At one point during our walk Tom reached over and took my hand, the day changed from going to look for “treasure” to seeing his love for me and displaying mine for him.  There were times when we didn’t say a word, but looked at the sand or the ocean.  We got to spend two hours uninterrupted time together without cell phones, tv, computer or anything, just us. It was wonderful.  Its important to have that time.  To put away the phone (better yet turn it OFF so you wont be tempted to text or answer it), turn tv/computer/video games off and do something to spend time together, rekindle what made you fall in love in the first place.

Dolphins

The other day Tom and were just walking on the beach before I had to go to work, and we got to see several pods of dolphins swimming in the ocean and playing in the surf.  I’ve been waiting to see them since we got here and I’m glad I got to see dolphins at least once.  They looked for pretty and majestic swimming.  There were some adult dolphins and a few babies.

It made me appreciate God’s creations a little more.  It gave me yet another glimpse into nature that I wouldn’t have gotten if we had stayed in Pittsburgh for the summer.  I cannot begin to say how much I have experienced and how amazing it is that I get to experience it just because I took a chance and came to North Carolina with Tom.  I just think if I wasn’t willing to take the risk and step so far out of my comfort zone, what I could be missing.  There are still trials ahead concerning the whole comfort zone thing, but I think I am making progress.

I’m not so much scared to leave my zone, just nervous and realized that sometimes that nervous anxiety feeling and turn itself around to feelings of awe and wonderment when I get to experience new things.  I look back and wonder what I could have missed out on because of my desire to remain in my comfort zone. But that is the past and I plan on making more changes for the better.

Random Acts Of Kindness

So I was wondering…do boy scouts help little old ladies cross the road?  I know random thought right?  its more of the idea of people doing something kind for someone else without expecting something else in return.  It seems that when we do something for someone, its because we are thinking that one day they will return the favor or pay us back.

There was a movie a while back I can’t remember the year, but it was called Pay If Forward.  The idea was doing a random act of kindness for at least 3 people a day.  That is going to be kind of a challenge for not only myself but to anyone reading my blog.  Do something kind for at least 3 people a day and don’t expect anything in return, strangers not people you know.  I don’t know where that would lead but maybe people would start having a better view of humanity.

We are too worried about our own wants and needs that we don’t even consider helping someone else in need.  I have seen people walk the other way when they have seen someone in need.  When Tom and I went to Washington D.C, a lady asked a few people to take a picture of her and her daughter.  A few seconds out of someone’s day, the answers she got; “no, i can’t” “I don’t have time I need to go.”  No one wanted to take the few seconds to take this woman’s picture for her.  So I offered and she was so happy.

WHy do we find it so hard to do something for other people yet at the same time we expect other people to do things for us.  I don’t understand the human race and I don’t think I ever will.

Valley of Death

Most of us know the beginning lines to Psalm 23: “Even though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me.”  Many times we quote that scripture at funerals, but do we ever really apply it to our every day life?  Do we honestly believe God is with us when we are going through our darkest of hours?  Do we notice the set of footsteps walking beside us, or realize when there is one set, that we are being carried not abandoned?

Too often we lean towards the latter.  We believe that when we go through the valley of darkness that God abandons us or even causes us to go through that valley.  We tend to think when things get bad and we struggle, God high tails it away from us and leaves us to shoulder the burden on our own.  We seem to have this idea of God being mean and leaving us on our own.  When the Bible itself tells us God is with us, and when times are sunshine and rainbows we agree with Psalm 23.

Sometimes I wonder what more we expect from God.  I know some people want to see some grand miracle as if things that happen in everyday life isn’t enough.  God’s miracles are everywhere if we only open our eyes and see it, but we are too preoccupied with wondering why God isn’t present for us that we don’t notice Him doing everything short of smacking us in the face and sometimes he does that.  We want God to fit into this little mold we’ve created for Him, but he doesn’t and when something doesn’t go according to our plan we turn on Him.  So much for fearing no evil and believing God is there with us through everything.

Saying Thank You

Today I heard something somewhat rare.  Something I don’t hear too often, from young children including teens.  A mother and daughter came into the Glass Bead and made a bracelet.  When they were finished and mom paid, the daughter hugged mom and said “thanks mom.”  Too often you don’t hear children saying thank you or even opening hugging their mom.  I think thats important sometimes.  I told the mom and daughter it was nice to hear a child thanking their parent for something, a special treat.

I see teens come in with their parents everyday and very few thank mom or dad for spending the 15-20 dollars for them to make some sort of jewelry.  It is refreshing to know some parents teach their children manners.  I also heard a young boy call the landlady “Ms. L….” I couldn’t tell you how long it’s been since I heard a young child call their elder Ms. or Mr. outside of a school setting.  It was so respectful and I could tell she liked the respect she got and so rightfully deserved.  I was raised to call my elders Ms. or Mr. unless they told me otherwise.  Or goodness if I address my pastor without saying “pastor” first.  I still cannot call Pastor Paul, simply Paul.  It doesn’t seem right to me.

Even when waiting on people, very rarely do any of them say thank you unless I thank them for coming into either the bead shop or the ice cream shop.  Then its like they feel obligated to say thank  you.  Is there an epidemic of people not saying thank you?  Is it too hard for people to be polite and show manners anymore or have we gotten to the point where we take everything for granted and don’t even appreciate the service we have or the things that are presented to  us?

Untrusting

Tom and I recently moved into a new place in North Carolina, I think we will stay here for the rest of the summer (last two places were horrendous.) Before we moved in, we were basically interrogated by the lady who owns the house.  After what she told me, I don’t blame her.  People who have lived here before took advantage of her kindness.  Some stole from her, some allowed drugs and alcohol to be brought into her home, others lied to her and when it came time for her to need help, no one was there to help her (aside from family, friends and church).

I felt so bad for this woman to have so many people take advantage of her kind nature and generous spirit.  She allowed them to live in her home or rather the above garage apartment, and they took advantage of that.  They didn’t treat her with the respect she deserved and now because of it she has become untrustworthy.  Thankfully she is happy with Tom and I, and we are doing everything we can to show her we are trustworthy and won’t disrespect her or her home.  Sometimes in this society that’s what you need to do.  You need to take the time and effect to basically prove yourself to someone.  Yet people don’t want to do that which in turn makes us untrusting.  Its a vicious cycle.

Drama

So in leu of things lately I have been thinking a lot on drama.  Not like the movie and television drama or even the dramas of Shakespeare.  But the drama some people try to cause and successfully do cause other people and in turn themselves.

Life is too short for drama and purposely picking fights with people and cause all sorts of drama.  I don’t understand how some people can cause drama or even feed off of it.  I think it takes too much energy just dealing with it on the outside, I can’t imagine how tiring it is on the inside of the drama.  I don’t understand how people can crave the drama and want it so badly that they need to cause it even if there is no grounding for it.  I mean why start a fight with someone for no apparent reason?  Why harm a friendship and possibly ruin it for no reason?  I don’t get it.

Drama should be left to T.V. shows like Law and Order or CSI.  I understand being upset and wanting to talk to someone or whatever but making a scene in public, talking trash behind people’s backs etc.  It’s just  uncalled for.  What’s the point?  So everyone around you can see?  What good does that do?  I am dumbfounded by some of the things I hear and have experienced based on the drama.  I somewhat expected people to act better, their age etc.  But I was wrong.  I should learn that I can’t be surprised by anyone anymore….its all to be expected.

Appreciations

We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes ‘Why did this happen to me?’ unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way.”  -- Irene Bargmann

I came across this quote somewhere I actually forget where but Irene makes a strong point.  We are so quick to say “why me” when something bad happens but when something good happens do we say the same?  Of course not.  We act as if it is about time something good happens.  We are very conceited and prideful that we think we deserve every good thing.  There are times I wonder why me with some good things.  Such as my relationship with Tom, and my family.  How did I get to be so lucky have good relationships with them?

How did I get to be so lucky to find an awesome house with an awesome landlord?  Too often we take so many things for granted that happen in our lives.  We are constantly expecting to have something good happen in our lives.  When bad things happen we ask “why does all the bad things happen to me"?” or say “my life couldn’t get any worse.”  Chances are there are ways life can get worse and we need to appreciate what we do have and appreciate when something good comes our way and say “oh wow, I didn’t expect this, I wonder why it happened.” 

I think I am going to try a test, and I hope some other people will try it with me.  Instead of wondering why bad things happen to me, I will accept them, and then in tern instead of expecting something good to happen to me I will wonder why and not take it for granted. 

Father’s Day

When I was younger I wasn’t a fan of this day, in fact I don’t think I really understood it because my own father was never present.  Then it became a day to just honor dads I knew..  But now that I am almost 30, the day has a new meaning.  A better meaning.  Throughout my life as I mentioned the man who gave me life was never a father.  He was never around, I barely knew him and in fact I don’t remember much about him.  What I do remember are bad things about him.  BUT (there’s always gotta be a but) when I was 13 or so God blessed me and my brother with someone who goes above and beyond the roles of a dad.

The man I call Daddy is the most amazing man I ever known.  He gives without asking for anything in return.  When someone needs help, he is there.  Daddy is the kind of man who would give you the shirt off his back if you asked him too.   He did what he could to try to understand the interests of my brother and I, and was at pretty much all my chorus concerts and Brandon’s wrestling matches.  He wasn’t asked to be daddy, he assumed the role the moment he started dating my mom.  It takes a strong man with a HUGE heart to accept a woman’s teenage children as his own and nothing less.

Being a father takes a whole lot  more than genetics, its about being a part of the child’s life.  Being that positive role model and doing what it takes to bring them happiness and help nuture them into great people no matter the sacrifice.  Its about being strict!  Yea Im saying part of being a dad, or a mom is to be strict to put limits and restrictions on the things kids can do…My dad took us in as teenagers and raised us into two fine adults.  We had restrictions and limits and we respected him and my mom for it.  It taught us more than allowing us to do what we wanted.  I love my dad and he is everything and deserves every honor that Father’s Day gives.

Thankfulness

I know I normally do a weekly thanks post on Fridays, but I was thinking why should I wait until Friday to do my weekly post on thankfulness and things I am thankful for?  Why not randomly give thanks for things in my life and the things that I appreciate in life?  So today I am going to give thanks for things I have been experiencing that I wouldn’t otherwise.

Sunset over the sound..over water.  The sunset here is a lot different than the sunset in Pittsburgh.  Then the night sky, I am in love with because it is so clear and the stars are so much brighter.

Watching the sting rays swim around.  It was such a joy to see them swim and play the other and wonder to myself, why can’t I be that carefree?

Taking chances and learning something new.  If I fall down, get back  up and try again.  Unless I get hurt pretty bad like the other day.

Meeting and talking to people from different areas of the country and learning about them.  Its a joy talking to my customers especially little kids.

Ice cream any time I want.  Who wouldnt be happy about that??

The wind blowing at night.  During the day it is so nice in the sun that the wind at night is wonderful.

There are so many things to be thankful for and I sometimes wonder why some people don’t spend the time to be thankful for what they have no matter how big or how small.  I think we need to appreciate everything in our lives from having safe homes and clean beds to sleep in to being able to watch T.V or even worship any way we desire.  Be thankful for what you have.

Beach Life

so we have been at the beach for a little over a week, almost two weeks.  Tom and I both have jobs and spend has much time as we can at the beach or doing random things.  Today at the beach we saw sting rays playing in the surf.  It was probably one of the neatest things we seen so far.

One even got up on the shore close enough to us to take a picture.  It was neat to see them let the waves push them around and them flip their fins around and swim around us and a few little kids.  There is nothing like seeing nature, in well nature where it belongs.  Too often we try to take things out their habitat and it gets harder and harder to appreciate wild life for the way it was intended.  I have seen skates and sting rays before at zoos and sea world, but watching them today was completely different.  It was almost like watching a child play in water: swimming and splashing around.  It was simply beautiful.

When I came here a week and a half ago I was somewhat depressed, I missed everyone back home and while I still miss everyone, I am experiencing a lot of things I wouldn’t have if I didn’t come.  I have swam with sting rays, boogie boarded, started to learn to skim board that is until I got hurt, I might try again soon.  At work I am letting my creative side run free with making jewelry, hemp necklaces/bracelets, wire wrapping sea shells and glass.  The sense of adventure and desire to explore more of the island makes me wonder what else could I experience?  I know one day we are going to a lighthouse, one day I am going to spend at the sound, and we both want to learn how to scuba-dive.  There is a lot of different things I want to learn and so little time we will spend here hehe.

Beach

Last night and this morning/afternoon Tom and I were at the beach.  Now Ive been to the Pacific coast and didnt like it.  Too crowded, waves were huge and I was left alone, boo.   But here is different.  I didnt believe Tom when he said there is a difference, there is a huge one.  I actually was in the water and boogie boarded.  That was fun.  All a part of trying new things and overcoming fears.

The ocean/beach is so beautiful!  I could sir there for hours and watch it crash on the shore and the waves build up.  It provides a unique love for nature and the Earth.  I saw some litter and it made me sad that prople would dirty such a beautiful place.  A friend went to costa rica and said Ameticans were the ones throwing trash on the ground. 

Why do we do that?  Why do humans as a whole destroy things of great beauty and take it away from future generations?  Are we,that lazy and inconsiderate?

Moving

Today is a big day somewhat.  We are moving to North Carollina for the summer.  While I am very excited for something different and new experiences I am a little scared.  Its  hard to leave everyone I know even if it is for a few months which I am sure will pass by very quickly.  I think the nervousness and slight fear comes from wanting to be in that comfort zone.  Going to a whole new place to live takes away from that comfort zone.

I am sure I will learn new things, Tom already wants to teach me to surf, or at least body surf.  But I am sure I will learn new things about myself and the way I view things.  It will be a good summer and I will meet new people and do things I’ve never done before aside from the surfing :).  I know there are people who are sad we are leaving and are in somewhat of denial for now but I look forward to our summer together and experiencing things.

The move will take roughly 9 hours or so.  Im sure I will see wonderful scenes.  Be sure that you will see pictures and of course hear more of my experiences living on the beach and meeting all kinds of people and learning new things.  :D

Thankfulness

The meaning for being thankful is a feeling of gratitude, or appreciation.  That is what I have been doing for the past few months or so.  Doing a post for the most part once a week about things I am thankful for, things I appreciate.  I have to say there are so many various things that I am grateful for that picking out some each week is hard.  I am thankful for things you can see and touch, things you can’t.  Im thankful for people in and out of my life (like the people who have came into my life and then left for one reason or another).

There are so many things to be thankful for like having a wonderful boyfriend, parents, and brother.  To having a nice home to live in and a good job to pay for that home.  Even simpler things like hot water to take a shower and do our dishes to clean drinking water to cook and well drink.  Even when times don’t seem to be going well and I struggle through various situations there are always things to be thankful for and I know sometimes I don’t see that, but I am making an effort to try and remember the things that I am thankful for and to try not to take advantage of certain things.

I think we need to take time every day to stop and be thankful for things, tell the people in our lives that we are thankful to have them and thankful for the things that they may do for us on a daily basis.  No matter  how small or simple even if it’s being thankful they take out the trash.  Tell them that.  it makes a difference.

Standard or Automatic

On Sunday my mom gave an awesome sermon about being standard or automatic.  If you know cars you know the difference, but basically standard you control the car, automatic well you don’t have to really do anything.  She referred that to being in a relationship with Christ.  Which goes back to the Power in Relationships post I write earlier.

When we are in a relationship with Christ too often we try to be in control.  We try to steer things the way we want them to go other than letting things happen the way God wants them too.  Instead of allowing things to take the course God has already set.  When I was diagnosed with cancer, we let God take control instead of trying to control the situation ourselves.  How much harder would it have been if I tried to do that?  Sometimes we want our lives to be standard when things are rough and willing to let God control when things are going good and easy.

My mom’s sermon has made some people think and reconsider how they allow God to work in their lives.  I am proud of how my mom did and she also made me think about how I allow God to work in mine.  Do I let him be automatic or do I try to be standard and make my life my control not Gods?

Freedom In Christ

The more I read The Shack, the more I learn and think about various different things.  One of the things that I read was “freedom is a process that happens inside a relationship with him.”  Of course the him is Jesus.  Now could the author possibly mean by saying freedom comes from a relationship with Christ?  I know there are plenty of people that think being a Christian has more restrictions and takes away from freedom, but that is not the case.

Once we have a relationship with Christ things churning around inside, things we are struggling with begin to work things out.  A relationship with Christ also means fellowshipping with Him, communicating with Him and sharing all aspects of our lives with  Him, not just the things that we want share.   We find freedom in our relationship with Christ because we are free from various things.  Sure as humans we will still mess up, fear the unknown and try to make our lives our own and try to dictate how things will happen in our lives.  That’s a part of being human, but once we understand that God still loves us and forgives our mistakes.

I do feel more freedom now that I have a relationship with Jesus.  It is a little hard for me to explain why you find more freedom.  I think perhaps its because we don’t hang on to too many things from the past and are ready to let some things go.

Spiritual Thanks

Each day we do things that ensure our physical health, but how often do we do things to ensure our spiritual health?  I think something I am going to start doing is working on doing things that works on our spiritual health.  Part of that is thanking God for things we have in our lives, things I have in my life.  That means the good and the bad.  Pastor Jason preached on giving thanks for those things and understanding that through the bad God has a plan.

I am thankful that I have struggled through the hardships that I have.  They have helped me remain strong in my faith and learn more about various things such as the meaning of crying out to God.  The hardships in life helps mold us into the people we are and helps mold our spiritual grounding and test the strength of our faith.  So I thank God for all the tests I have been put through and the tests that are still to come.

I thank God for sending me a wonderful man as Tom.  I thank God for the relationships that caused a heartache or pain.  Because I felt different pains, different heartaches and been in different interactions in relationships, I have learned to appreciate Tom more.  I just pray that I never take him for granted and that he feels loved and appreciated and I try to make him feel.

Last week I said I was thankful for my church family, and I will say it again.  I am thankful that I have a church family that will support me in everything and everyone is so easy to talk to turn to when you are in need.  Not only that, ROL members also unite as a family and help one another raise children, we invite each other to our homes for parties and other get togethers.  We are a family.

I thank God for providing me with a car, a job, and a home to live in.  Sure those are things that we live with everyday and sometimes I complain about my job, but I am thankful that I do have a job.

There are so many things spiritually to be thankful for and while some of the things I mentioned may not seem spiritual, acknowledging that I couldn’t have them without God and that he has blessed me in my life is.  I do feel blessed and appreciate the things God has given me.  I pray that I will continue to learn the lessons He wants me to learn and that I will remain strong and turn to Him as I have in the past.  Thank you God.

Power In Relationships

I was reading “The Shack” and there are some things that he says that really stand out for me.  Different things about relationships with each other and our relationship with God.  One of the things he says is “Relationships are never about power, and one way to avoid the will to power is to choose to limit oneself – to serve.”  How often do we find it hard to serve someone else?  To do something for someone else above our selves?  I think a lot of the time we try to always have the power or the upper-hand so that someone else doesn’t hurt us.

When you are in a relationship there shouldn’t be a power-struggle.   You shouldn’t be trying to gain power over someone you love.  I think that could have been the problem in some relationships I had in the past there was a sense of power, hierarchy if you will.  There was always a sense of me being “below” the other person which is never good in a relationship.  Relationships are about equality even in relationships with God.  There isn’t a power system with God, though I know people think that there is.

What point is there in searching for power in any relationship but with one with God?  Neither has power over the other.  We should try to talk to God as an equal.  I understand God is well God and we fall short of His glory, but if we want a relationship with him we need to limit our desire for power over Him and strive to serve Him instead of trying to make it the other way around.

One Touch

Last Sunday I stepped way out of my comfort zone and sang a solo for church.  While I was so nervous it went well, I might do it again.  The song I sang is called One Touch by Nicole C Mullen.  It is probably one of my favorite songs because it says so much about having faith and relying on that faith.  It is the story of the woman who have so much faith that if she just touched the hem of Jesus’ robes she would be healed.

When we pray how often do we not trust that God will answer our prayers?  Its almost like we pray with the doubt in our hearts.  Honestly how can that be effective?  When we pray to God we need to have the faith that He is as powerful as we say He is.  How can we not prepare ourselves for God to do His will and answer our prayers?  Why do we not have the faith that the woman did?

The story of the woman who had that much faith shows us the kind of faith we need to have.  The faith to trust in the Lord no matter what.  When we pray for something we shouldn’t just sit back and not do anything else, we should show God we trust Him and prepare ourselves for His answer.

The Shack

I have started reading “The Shack” again.  I read once and loved it.  This time around I am thinking a little more on my own relationship with God, and how I am I guess you would say acting in it.  I have been thinking “How do I view God?”  Is it like a grandfather figure like Gandolf or Dumbledore, or do I see Him as a someone to be feared?  Better yet, would I recognize God if I seen His face?

There are a lot things in this book that makes  you think and makes you take a deep look at your own relationship with God.  It starts out with tragedy and goes into the “Great Saddness” the main character feels from it and him turning away from God.  How many times have we done that in our own lives?  How often do we turn our backs on God and get angry at Him when something happens in our lives?  something we don’t want.

There are a ton of things Young says in the book that make me think and question not just my relationship with God, but also my relationship with Tom, my friends and my family.  It makes me want to make chances and improve on every relationship I have in my life.  We could always be make relationships better.  I enjoy reading books more than once, you pick up on things that you didn’t realize the first time around.

Special Thanks

Today during church I was sitting there thinking about my church family.  It’s been a little over 4 or 5 years since we started going to church at the River of Life Christian Fellowship.  It was shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer that I seen how wonderful and amazing my church is, when I asked for prayer during alter-call one Sunday; everyone in the church was there with me: praying and supporting me.  Something I haven’t seen in another church.

No matter what I am dealing with good or bad, my church family is right there to support me in any decision I make.  They don’t point out mistakes or wrong-doings, but say it’s okay let’s try again.  They relish in accomplishments and if someone isn’t at church one Sunday it is noticed.  We ask about the missing person and if we have a number or even facebook at least 2 people including a pastor will reach out and express that they were missed and we hope everything is okay.

I love m church.  I was writing something today for Pastor Paul and I realized I couldn’t have made it through cancer with my faith still intact without my church family.  I know I will be lost during the summer, but thank God for facebook!

Thankfulness

In life there are always things that we are thankful for.  Of course I have some things that I am thankful for some small and simple others large and complex.  I believe from time to time we need to sit back and realize the things that we are thankful for and why we are thankful for them so that we don’t take what we have for granted, and that includes people.

I am thankful for having a nice home to come home to after work or when we go out.  I feel fortunate to have been able to find this awesome apartment, and that we have awesome landlords.   Along with having a nice home, I am thankful that we live in a nice neighborhood, a nice part of the city and have a car to go places.  I mean sometimes we take advantage of having a car or a license but when you think about it, it is something to be thankful for.

I am thankful for wonderful friends who make a big deal out of us going to North Carolina.  Sean keeps telling us we don’t want to go and that we need to stay here for the summer.  Some of our other friends are doing the same, while for some it doesn’t seem to phase them.  Friendships are important to Tom and I and I am thankful we have some pretty awesome friends.

Family is another things I am thankful for; I mean without them where would any of us be?  I understand some people don’t have a good family life and I am very thankful that I do have a good family life.  I am thankful my mom and are as close as we are and that her and Tom are close as well.  Thats something important for relationships, that my spouse and my family get a long.  I am thankful and grateful that they do get along so well.

There are so many things in life to be thankful for.  Sometimes I sit and just say random thanks throughout the day to myself for the things and people I do have in my life.  I think I might send out random thank you cards to people that I am thankful for in my life.