Four years ago I was sitting in my doctor’s office waiting to hear news that could change my life for the second time that year. I was waiting to hear the results of several scans, several blood work, and months of chemotherapy. I was waiting to hear if I was cancer free or if I needed to continue fighting. I would find out if I still have something inside my body that I personally had no control over.
April of 2007 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lyphoma; I learned a lot through the trials of chemotherapy. I learned more about my faith, I gained a better understanding of crying out to God, tearing your clothes in anguish (believe me I wanted to do just that at times). I learned the true power of prayer and my appreciation for all the small things have gotten better. I look at a sunset or a flower blooming in the garden and it means so much more to me than it did before. I feel more humbled and the bigger grand design of things.
Through the cancer I realized I am more of a speck. I have a small insignificant role in a grand design. Emerson talked in his essay on Nature about the transparent eye (or something like that) I can somewhat understand that better. I can; on a small scale; understand what God must be seeing. Things are different, the way I view the world, people in my life, even my own life. I work hard to appreciate the simple things even if it is being able to wake up every day and take a breath of air, even if it is really cold air.
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