Childlike Innocence

The other night I was on the phone with Casey, and his daughter wanted to talk to me.  While on the phone she asked me where was my house; so I told her Pennsylvania: i could hear her telling Casey what I said that in itself was cute and so innocent.  But what made my day and made me honestly think of childlike innocence was when I asked her where was her house….her response was so innocent, so quick not a second thought…..”right here”  That makes perfect sense doesn’t it?  Where is your house….right here. 

Her answer was just so innocent and made me remember what really matters in life, the simple things and that includes the innocent, simplistic answers that kids come up with.  Why is it that we adults don’t think like that anymore?  Why do we feel the need to sit down and analyze everything we are asked and analyze every decision we have to make?  Why can’t things be as simple as they are for children?  Why can’t we see things as simple and worry-free or unconditional as a child like Dai does.

Children have such innocent thinking that somehow escapes us when we become adults.  When is it that that kind of innocence leaves us?  All three times that I have talked to Dai on the phone she has said or done something that reminds me why I love children and how much they can teach us.  She has tried to show me something through the phone not realizing I couldn’t see it, today she told me her shoes were blue.  All three times she has asked me to come over, again not realizing that I am not as close as she may thin.

Perception is Reality

The other day I posted something about what is real and what we perceive as reality.  How do we know what is reality for us is reality for someone else?  Is my reality the same as say Terry’s reality, or Carrie’s or Jeremy’s?  Or are they something different?  And if they are something different how do we know what is real in life?  How does that line not get blurred in the mix of friends with people and interacting with them daily?

If people have different realities that we perceive and interact in, wouldn’t that mean our own reality gets mixed with theirs and becomes something new?  What we perceive is different on a daily basis, or at least it becomes different at some point in our lives, and when that happens how do we know that it is real or not?  Who is to say what is real, if what we perceive is real?  The way I see things is different from how someone else would view it, would that make what I perceive less real, or what they perceive is less real?

How can we say some people with mental health issues or behavioral health issues have a distorted view of reality?  How can do know? What if we are the ones with a distorted view of reality?  Or even what if everyone has a distorted view of reality; kinda like a Matrix kind of thing?  Then how can anyone really know what reality is and therefore know what is real and what isn’t?

Friendships

I just got off the phone with one of the greatest people I know.  The entire time we talked we laughed hysterically.  I haven’t laughed that much in a long time.  It has been awhile since I had gotten the chance to really talk to Cheryl and it was so good to talk to her again.  We have the same sense of humor and find the same things funny, we can take things and run with it the most extreme, and sometimes take it to the most wrongest of levels.

Sometimes you need that kind of a friend who you can get into trouble with so to speak, somewhat of a partner in crime.  Since the day we met Cheryl and I have said we would be partners in crime.  While we have fun with each other and laugh about a lot  of things in life; we can also be serious and talk about many different things in life, no matter what they are relationships, jobs, sex, anything.  But isn’t that part of what makes a friendship meaningful?  Isn’t that what makes friendships one of the greatest treasures in the world?  I admit I don’t talk to her as much as I would like and I am making a promise to myself that is going to change, as it is with many of my other friends.  Even though Cheryl and I have not met in person I still love her as if we had known each other for years.

What is it that brings two people together as friends the way Cheryl and I are friends, or the way Donya and I are friends which are two different ways.  What makes some people friends and others…acquaintances, or not even friends at all? 

Choices

The choices we make play a part into our future.  They make a different in what happens and where our lives go.  Everything that happens is effect by what we decide.  For example my life would be completely different if I had gone to Myrtle Beach in the spring like I wanted.  I don’t really know where I would be.  And I am presented with the same option again.  But do I go, or do I stay.  I know that decision will effect everything from here on out.

Sometimes our decisions work for the good in our lives and other times they work for the bad.  We decide where our lives head, which path they take.   Our choices are exactly that our choices and we cannot blame anyone but ourselves for what happens as the result of them. If I spend all my money on say shoes, clothes or whatever I cannot complain if I cant pay my bills because I made that choice.

No one else makes our choices,we try to blame other people for things in our lives, we don’t always want to take responsibility for our choices and therefore our actions.  But how does that make anything better?  How does not taking responsibility for our choices and actions help us make better choices and therefore live our lives better?

What Is Real?

There have been days when i have sat here wondering…what is real?  Is there any point to everything I try to do in life?  I struggle and strive just just a hint of happiness and it seems like when I have a small bit of it, it is just taken away.  Its like everyone and everything around me is fake, I even feel like there are times when I just act like things are okay when in reality they aren’t.  At least not for me.

Is there even such as thing as “real”?  Like what is it?  What is real?  Is it different for you than it is for me?  How do i know that what is real for me…is actually real?  There are times when nothing at all seems to be real and like I am just going through the motions so to speak.  Whose to say what I feel isnt real.  I mean who’s to say what my clients says she sees isn’t actually there just because we cant see it?

How can one tell the difference between reality and perception of reality?  One of my favorite bands Identity X full length album is titled “Perception is Reality.”  Could the guys of Identity X be right that whatever you perceive to be real, is in fact reality?

Thanksgiving

Its that time of year again.  Thanksgiving where we sit around the table and eat til our hearts content.  This is this season where the pounds pack on because of all the food we eat from Thanksgiving dinner to Christmas cookies, to hot dogs and saurkraut for good luck of course.  That being said, I thought I would go through the things that I am thankful for, since I said I would do that weekly anyway.

My family first and foremost

Laughter of small children

the softness of my cat

my health…I could have lost it all

Friends who care

Talents God has granted me

Music…

Literature and the ability to read it

The luxury of owning my own car

A warm home and food on my table

Meeting new people.

What is it that you are thankful for and that keeps you going day after day?

Comfort Zone???

I am going insane with how I am feeling right now, I just want it gone.  Sometimes it is hard to break free from the clutches of depression just like it is hard to break free from dancing with the devil.  If we stay in the dance with the devil too long, the darkness that follows him will undoubtedly envelope us as well.  We’re trapped.  Sometimes….sometimes it feels like I don’t want to break through, that I feel comfortable in a depression, more like myself…but thats not a good feeling to have, not a good place to be.

I have to ask myself why would I want to remain in a state of depression? What does it do for me other than make me feel worse? But at the same time if the things I think are what I am used to believing…it’s almost like a comfort zone thing.  Like I don’t know who I am when I am not depressed.  Is that part of staying in this dance with the devil?  The longer I stay spinning with him, the more natural it feels.

The maddening thoughts in my head are things I do believe about myself so when I try to tell myself differently, or others tell me differently it’s like a lie.  Like its hard to grasp what is actually true, what others say or what is being said to myself.  It goes back to my comfort zone thought, I am comfortable with what I think, it’s what I know and how I deal with things.  To me things appear one way, when I guess in reality are different….or are they?

Dancing With The Devil

At one point or another in all our lives, we all dance with the devil.  We have kind of a tango going, he leads and many times we follow.  We listen to the tune he strings and tend to tune out the song God sings in our ears/hearts.  We let him in and we dance his dance throughout our lives.  Sometimes we wake up and stop the dance with the devil and dance with God instead. 

There are times when we allow him to spin his lies about our lives, our walk with God, about our motives and so much more.  We allow him to tell us lies about ourselves and what we are worth.  When we dance with the devil and he spins us around in his lies.  I think right now I am dancing with the devil which fuels my depression.  When we get into this dance it can be hard to forget the footsteps and walk away.

Depression

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, a lot of contemplating over things.   I will admit that this week depression has been really knocking me down.  I have been doing okay with fighting it and dealing with it, but this week it has been really attacking me and knocking me down. Its starting to feel like I am failing.

I look at the things I have been through, so much heartache, pain, and struggle.  I have had moments of happiness but for some reason those moments were taken away from me. It almost like I am not meant to be happy.  That I am doomed to live in heartache and be alone...will I be the crazy cat lady with like 20 cats..okay maybe not that many but still a crazy cat lady in the least.

I cant seem to make anything work lately.  Nothing.  I look in the mirror and see nothing of worth.  What do I have to offer?  I feel like there is a void that I cannot seem to fill, i dont know really what would fill it either.

Can I make anyone happy if I can’t seem to make myself happy?  Could Todd have been right that I am for some reason unmarriable? Why do I keep failing at even the simplest of things like making some of my easy dreams come true?

Putting Yourself Out There

Sometimes there comes a time when you wonder if you put too much of yourself out there.  Too much of your heart on the line only to get hurt.  Do we sometimes just set ourselves up to get hurt?  To have our hearts broken by putting ourselves out there, but our hearts on the line?  Just hoping that it wouldn’t be taken for granted to broken.

Its like you put yourself out there, but for what reason?  I know there are times when I should be guarded especially towards one person in particular, but how can you be guarded, and protect your heart when you just keep putting it out there.  Keep showing your heart on your sleeve so to speak.  When you love someone how far is too far out there, too far on the line to put yourself?  How much do you risk being hurt, to be with the one person that you love?  Are the tears worth it?

The Oath

I just finished reading an interesting novel by Frank Peretti called The Oath.  The jist of it is that people became so controlled by their sins that it manifested itself into a dragon.  When they became too far gone, and made excuses about their sins, they were “hooked” through the heart and the dragon killed them.  One man found out the best way to kill it was to have Jesus in your heart.  So the more he prayed the higher advantage he had, but the more cocky he got, the more hooked he got and closer to death he got.

The book got me thinking about our own sins.  How often do we forget about God when we are “engrossed” in our sins.  We make excuses for why we do things even though we know it’s a sin.  We try to justify things only to have it grow larger and larger until we are “hooked” by it. Maybe we don’t have a visible stain on our hearts, but God sees it.  What would happen if our sins manifested themselves into something like a dragon? Would we be able to stop it?  To defeat it with trusting in God and asking forgiveness?  Or will we need more?

I think too often we think  that if we make an excuse then that makes it better or makes it not a sin.  Does that really work?  What purpose does it do other than make us feel better about something?  We try to make one thing into another thing.  We think one small thing stays that small but it only snowballs into something bigger and becomes a dragon like Peretti has in his book.  What do we do when it snowballs?

Forgetting The Past

There are times when I just sit back and think of my past experiences and I know there are other people that do the same thing.  The problem with that sometimes when we think about the past we tend to revert to it and live in it.  We get stuck in the past and have a hard time getting out of it.  I know I have fallen into getting stuck into the past many different times.  It’s hard not to…we remember the hurts and pains, and sometimes we remember the good times.  I find it funny how sometimes we don’t dwell on the memories and good choices we make in life, but we dwell on the all the pain and bad choices that we made.

Too often we dwell on the bad things in life, but why?  Why do we dwell on these things?  When all we get is pain, nothing good ever comes from dwelling on these things.  Yet we find it so hard to dwell and spend time dwelling on the good times and the things good that happened in our lives.  I know sometimes it is hard to forget the past, hard to forget the hurt.  But why dwell on it? I ask myself this almost every day.  Why do I dwell  on the past that hurts me so bad?  Why dwell on the past mistakes I have made, they are just that…the past.  But why….why cant we just let it be the past?  Why do we need to always bring it back up one way or another?

Where does that get us?  No where honestly.  What is the point in dwelling on past hurts and pain only to allow it to cause us more hurt and pain in the present.  It is so easy to slip into the past and not focus on the present or even the future, OR because we dwell too much on the past our future looks bleak and we are some what afraid of it.  Afraid to move on, afraid to give something…or someone a chance.  Dwelling on the past gets us no where, yet it is too hard to not dwell.  I wish I could just forget the past and leave it there in the past and live in the present, life would be happier, don’t you think?

Thankfulness

Last week I said I would try to post once a week about the things that I am thankful for and I realized I haven’t done that this week let alone posted much this week or even this month.  We should be gracious for the things that we have and be thankful for them.

A good church family

Friends who care about me

puppies playing

a hug…a nice good hug

Being in love

Realizing my talents

Kitten’s meow

primroses blooming, flowers in general

my health

The ability to follow my dreams

There are many things throughout our lives to be thankful for and I know many of us have things that we want out of life as well.  Sometimes I think we need to just stop thinking about what we want, and being thankful for what we have.

Just thinking

Tonight on my way home from Donya’s (my best friend), I noticed a shooting star off in the distance.  I haven’t seen one since I was a young girl.  I havent thought much on shooting stars since I was younger.  I used to think they held more power than they really do.  Every little kid thinks if they wished upon a star their wish would come true.  Sometimes we carry that way of thinking into adulthood…if I wish something to be one way it is.

How often have you talked yourself into believing something was one way only to find out it wasn’t?  Better question ever talk yourself into being sick?  Almost like that.  Convincing yourself about things.  I look back on things and realize that I have done the with more than being sick.  I have convinced myself of many different things, that things happened one way when in reality it happened another way.

Could wishing be considered the same thing as pray or at least something like it?  I know it’s not really the same thing as prayer, but along the lines, like a little kids way of praying.  Just thinking randomly now…

The Past

Many times a lot of us hold on to our past experiences, we let them rule our lives and what we do and how we react to different situations and sometimes different people.  We do things the only way we know how, and I think sometimes when we do things that specific way or another way, it makes things harder.  We hold people to certain expectations based on our past and sometimes sure it’s good, but other times it just does more damage than good.

There are times when our past teaches us things.  Sometimes its how to properly handle a situation, other times it teaches us to rely on God more, other times…we learn to deal with thing in a negative way whether it is lashing out at the people around us, or lashing out at ourselves.  I know people who do both; and I admit in the past I lashed out at myself…my one tattoo covers the scars.  But through time, and through like situations, we learn different ways to deal with things.

One of the most important things we need to remember in dealing with our pasts and the hurts other people have caused us is that the people around us now aren’t the same.  Sometimes we will get hurt its inevitable, but other times there are people who generally care and wouldn’t do anything to hurt us.  That was a lesson that took me a little time to learn.  It was hard to realize that not everyone was going to hurt me, leave me, or abuse me in some way.  Its hard to get out of that mindset, but it is something that needs to be done in order to find the true happiness we all seek.

Autumn

I would have to say this is my all time favorite time of the year.  I love watching the leaves fall and change colors.  One of my favorite memories with a former boyfriend was in the fall.  We decided to go for a nice picnic at a park near by, we found this cute little spot next to a pond where ducks were swimming.  We laid out the blanket and had our lunch, then we just laid together and watched the leaves fall.  They feel in so many different ways, some flittered, some twirled, some floated.  But it was never the same almost like how a snowflake is never the same as another.

I think sometimes we don’t pay enough attention to the world around us.  We don’t see the beauty in just the simplest things like watching leaves fall.  We have forgotten how wonderful this world is and that we don’t have to go far to see it.  We don’t need to some foreign island to see the beauty this world beholds.  Just go outside in the fall or watch the sunset and see.  One of my favorite memories will always be that autumn day watching the leaves fall and seeing the detail not only in the colorations, but also the way they fall.

There are so many simple things in life that we need to open our eyes to and appreciate.  Things we take for granted.  Why shouldn’t we take one Saturday afternoon and have a picnic in the park?  Why can’t we go hiking taking pictures of the nature around  us?  Why…simply why can’t we sit on our back porches watching the sun set or primroses bloom?

Acceptance

Sometimes there are things in life that won’t go the way that we expect them to or the way we want them too.  There is a say that if you want to make God laugh; tell him your plans.  That saying can never be truer.  How many times have you tried to do things your way only to fail and have things not work out the way that you expected them too?  When have things worked out the way that YOU planned them too?  I know in my life things never turned out the way I wanted them too, but once I accepted that things pan out the way that God wants them too, everything seems to fall into place.

We need to accept that sometimes things aren’t going to happen like we want, we won’t get everything in life that we want.  We will fail from time to time and that doesn’t mean that you are doomed for failure or that God doesn’t want you to succeed.  Sometimes we need to fail and fall in order to come to where God wants us to be.  Sometimes we need to struggle through life to come to a point where we need to be to find our life’s purpose.  We learn things through our life’s trials and many times we learn to accept things as they are.  Things in my life aren’t how I would like them to be, but I have accepted that.  I accepted that things aren’t how I want them because I know through this I am going to learn something and be where I need to be.

There is someone I care deeply about who made some mistakes in his past, and when I think about it, yea those don’t matter to me and nothing he tells me about his past will change how I feel about it.  But what does matter is the fact that without those mistakes…we wouldn’t have met.  He wouldn’t have come to camp, to my church.  He wouldn’t know some of the people who adore him and see a good man within.  I think of my mistakes and if I didn’t make them or made some of the decisions I struggled with, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.  I wouldn’t have the life I have.  Who knows what would have happened if I went to California or Myrtle Beach.  Things would be different yes, but would they have been better?  ALways need to ask yourself is the alternative better?

Accepting things in life as is can be a hard thing to do, but honestly it is not a bad thing.  Things may not be as you want them to be, or you could be struggling in life, but when we accept things and let them happen naturally and not forced, then everything will fall into place.

Thankful

I realize the other day that I havent done a post on the things that I am thankful for an awhile.  I wanted to do that at least once a week and come up with different things each week that I am most thankful for.  We need to thank God for different things in our lives no matter how small or how big…so here goes…

 

The smile and laughter of someone I care about

Finishing a good book

Being healthy: no cancer; or other ailments other than a cold

A good paying job, stressful as it may be I am thankful for it

Laughter…just laughter in general

The softness of my cat

Talents God has given me and talents he hasn’t given me

Luxuries of life: internet, cell phone, car, etc. 

Soft warm bed to sleep in

Fall, the changing of the leaves, the scent everything

There are so many different things to be thankful for and to thank God for that sometimes I think we forget that we should thank him for the things he has granted us.  Things we take for granted.

Finding Faults

I dont know if this is true with any of you, but I know it is true of me:  I do not see too many things within my self that are good.  I see the good in everyone around me, but when it comes to myself…I don’t see much worth or anything of value within myself. 

We always see things wrong with ourselves that we think other people would find to be bad things, things that would make them judge us.  We see the things that could hinder us from finding happiness whatever that may be.  I am reading a book called Born of Night the main character is an assassin and his love interest is a princess.  Nyk sees everything wrong with himself, and finds it odd that Kiara wants to be his wife.  I think too many times that is how we are.  Sure many times it might not be with relationships, but how many times have you asked why would  ______ want to be with me?  Why would he love me?  Better yet, have you asked yourself….why would Christ die for me?

Sometimes I think part of really, truely loving someone unconditionally means seeing their faults, but seeing perfection through them.  Loving someone despite the faults they may have.  I mean we all have faults, we are not perfect…

Compassion

Lately I have been wondering if I have too much compassion or even if that is such a thing, and whether or not that is a bad thing.  I am a very compassionate person and I think that helps me a lot in things, in life.  But at the same time does that play a part in some of my downfalls?  Could some of my failures in life be because I am too compassionate?   Could the way things be right now in work life and personal life be the way they are because I am too compassionate?  Is there a way to even decrease the compassion level?

I was told in a conversation with someone I hold dear, that having no compassion is not a quality  you want, but neither is having too much of it.  Is there a way of finding a happy balance?  Is there a way of getting the compassion level down or even increasing it if you feel you have no compassion?  Odd question….are we born with compassion or is it something we learn..nature vs nurture kind of question I guess.

This past week I have actually worried about my compassion and whether or not it is a bad thing and has caused some of the stress I deal with at work.  Has it caused my client to cling to me even though I tried to keep her at a professional distance?  I mean when does having compassion become a bad thing, when is that line drawn?  I know people say they like that I am compassionate, but I am starting to think it is a quality I don’t like in myself anymore.

The Past

Sometimes we have do things that we regret and of course they become a part of our past.  Many times those past experiences are things we are ashamed of and think would turn people away from us one way or another.  We all have skeletons in our closet that plague us and make us feel a little unworthy.

Some of us have pasts that aren’t as nice as others, but still the past is past and we all have something that isn’t what we wish it would be.  The way I see things is we shouldn’t judge a person based on the past, it just simply isn’t fair.  When it comes to someone I care about, I don’t even need to know about his past.  The past is the past and while it helps make us stronger, we have moved past it and become a different person.  The past no matter what it looks likes makes us different a unique and sometimes stronger because of what we have been through.

If someone has a past that shouldn’t change your opinion of them.  I told someone I care about dearly, he doesn’t even need to tell me his past if he doesn’t want to.  While it is important to him, and sure I’d like to know…I like him for the man he is, the man I see when I look at him, and honestly nothing he tells me can change my opinion of him; no matter what.  If I honestly care about him, why would it change things?

Too Much Compassion

Is it possible to have too much compassion?  When does having compassion become a bad thing, and counted against you?  Would you ever think having compassion would have been such a bad thing?  I never thought compassion was a bad thing but now I am starting to feel differently.  How do you have compassion and emotions in one setting and then be completely devoid of them in another?  How do you not let some things get to you?  How do you get rid of your emotions when they are so raw?

I always thought having compassion was a good thing and enabled you to understand and forgive things easily.  While I like having compassion; I think I have too much of it.  I honestly think it is going to be my downfall; it is going to destroy me in the long run instead of helping me.  Is compassion such a bad thing?  Shouldn’t compassion be a trait that you want to have?  It helps with being less judgmental in some aspects, but at the same time things get to you and it gets hard to not show our raw emotions no matter how hard you don’t want to. 

Being compassionate is all i know how to do.  I don’t know any other way.  Compassion was something I was happy to have, I considered it one of my best traits, but could it be one of my worst?  I try so hard to not let it get to me, only to fail only to feel drained of everything within me.

Frost

One of my favorite poems is the Road Less Taken by Robert Frost.  His poems always have the ability to get me to think, about of many things.  I saw the picture above and thought of the poem and even the picture got me thinking.  We always try to stay with what we know.  Never venture out of comfort zones.  Some people stay in relationships because they don’t want to date again, some stay at a job because its what they know.  Sometimes we need to branch out and try something new, break from that zone, even if it is small.

Many times staying on that well traveled path hinders us more than keeps us “safe”. Sure you know your comfort zone, you know what to do, how to feel, where to go, but is that how it should always be?  Shouldn’t we want to venture out of that zone and find new horizons, new lessons, new way of doing things; which could lead to a new look on life.  Sure I have stayed in my hometown, but i have done a few thing off my known path and my outlook is completely different, sure other things also play a part, but not traveling the same path helps a lot as well.

Well traveled roads are good sometimes, but honestly after a while they get to be old and tedious.  Simply; we don’t grow.  What harm would come if we stepped of the path, juuust a little: keep the path in view, but venture a little….could it be that bad?

Being Selfish

Ok I know I am writing a lot about waiting for someone and patience that goes along with it, but that is what is on my mind a lot lately.  In today’s society we are so selfish.  We want everything “our way” going with the Burger King slogan.  We want things to happen when we want it, how we want it, were we want it…basically we want it so we expect it to happen.  It doesn’t matter that sometimes, things don’t always go the way we want them too, and sometimes we need to wait.

We cannot always have things how we want them and sometimes we need to “sacrifice” something.  I say sacrifice because so many people would consider waiting for something or someone a sacrifice.  So often if we just wait, everything is better than if we had it at the moment we wanted it. Too often we are so selfish in our wants that we don’t realize that if we waited, it might be better.  If we saved money we could get a better car, or computer.  If we waited we could get a better house.  If we waited, and took the time to get to know a person and wait for the right time, relationships could be better than if we jumped into it too soon.

There is a verse in Song of Solomon, which I have already said was my favorite book, that basically says do not rush into things.  It doesn’t have to mean just relationships or even sexual intimacy.  We cannot be selfish in life, the world does not revolve around us, it doesn’t spin just to serve us.  People don’t do their jobs to make  us happy; though I am sure there are people who do think that, and there are people who work in human services, but not specifically for you.  People think waiting for something they want is such a bad thing; but in reality is it really so bad?  Is it so bad not to buy that camera right now?  Or having to wait to date someone we want to be with?  Waiting can be a good thing, maybe the best thing.

I know for me right now, waiting for something I want…is worth it.  I admit in the past I have felt the same selfish way others have and thought waiting wasn’t worth it….but right now…waiting for this….beyond worth it in my eyes…means a lot to me, and will be patient as I need to be….we should all be patient for what we want…..waiting isnt as bad as you think.

Waiting and Patience

The last post I was talking about how too often we do not wait for the timing to be right for relationships anymore.  We want everything to happen right now, when we want it.  Everything in life today is all about instant gratification, no one wants to take the time to wait for anything not just a good decent relationship.  I think too often we think when we want a relationship the other person is ready or wants one.  If they don’t, who do we get mad at?  Sometimes that person and in extreme cases God.  I admit I had a gentleman a while ago, date me and tell me he didn’t want a relationship.  Sure I was hurt, but I didn’t expect his needs to be the same as mine.

I hear a lot of people men and women alike who complain that they cannot find a good relationship.  The problem is, if the other person doesn’t want a relationship, wants to take things slow, or even is ready for one: interested but not ready, we jump to moving on like I said in the last post.  We are quick to just give up and not put forth the effort it takes to build a sort of foundation.  You need a good foundation for any relationship to succeed.  Waiting for someone helps build that foundation.  The patience it takes is great, and you need to be able to see the light at end of the tunnel.  Knowing that being patient and waiting is well worth it. 

My co-worker told me of a woman her boyfriend works with.  This woman has “gotten around” so to speak.  She approached within my friend’s boyfriend’s company and said “I heard you were interested, so work our breaks around the same time and we can have sex in the car”  How is that building a relationship?  How is that showing that it means something to you that someone is interested, or that your interest and feelings for that person go beyond anything physical?  It doesn’t.  Waiting for someone in my eyes shows that you want more than a sexual relationship but something more meaningful.

I think too much that people want to have that feeling filled.  That feeling of having someone close who cares, or someone you care about close.  They want it filled now, immediately to destroy our own lonliness without even thinking that if we waited, that feeling could be filled a lot more, quality and quantity, than if we just gave up and tried to find something different and more open.

Timing and waiting

Sometimes we find ourselves faced with what seems to be a dilemma. We have feelings for someone and it is not the right time. More often than not when that happens most people are quick to just give up, and try to find someone new. What does that say to the other person? Don't you think that would make them feel like they really didn't matter after all or that they didn't mean as much to you as you claim?

One of my favorite Biblical stories is about Jacob and Rachael. He traveled to his uncles land and fell in love with Rachael. Jacob had nothing to offer Laban for Rachael, so he offered to work 7 years for Laban just to be able to marry her. He waited 7 years to be able to marry the woman he loved, then at the end of the seven years, on the wedding day Jacob had been fooled and married Leah instead. It was custom that the younger daughter could not wed until the oldest sister did. Jacob agreed and then agreed to work another 7 years to be able to marry Rachael. Together Jacob worked 14 years just be able to be with Rachael. Shouldn't we approach relationships the same way? If the timing isn't right, shouldn't we at least wait, and show the other person how much they mean to us.

Many times we find someone who we think is worth dating and that we would have a good relationship with but if the timing isn't what we want it to be, we give up. We move on and try to find someone else. We don't wait anymore. We don't allow for timing to play itself out, why not? Is it because we live in what is considered a here and now society? I think if a person is worth wanting to be with and if I think we could have a good relationship then he is worth waiting for. The timing wasn't perfect for Jacob and Rachael, but he was willing to wait and obviously so was Rachael. It was said she was a beautiful woman and many men admired her beauty. So obviously she didn't marry another man and waited til the end of the 14 years for Jacob to be able to marry her.

Other times instead of waiting or trying to move on, some people push the subject which in turns push the other person away. Why would we want to push someone we care about away? Wouldnt we want to be able to show them we respect what needs to be done and stand back. Sure we can still talk to them, and get to know each other, but we shouldn push the issue of being in a relationship until the right time. It may take a while, maybe weeks, months or as in Jacob and Rachael's case, years. But in the end...I think it would all be worth the wait. Worth it to be with someone I care about. Wouldn't you?

Beauty From Pain

I know I have written about this before but it still holds true for me and still makes me think of things. I am listening to a song called Beauty from Pain, by Superchic[k]. We all go through moments in life when we are pained in one way or another. We always wonder why we need to go through this pain and what the purpose of it is. I know I have asked God "why" so many times about the things that I deal with and the things that I struggle with. I will fully admit I suffer with depression and it is something I battle each day of my life, but I know God is there even when everything seems so dark.

I have demons I fight with, demons I am for some reason afraid to let go, so they fester and feed off my own fears. This song helps me realize that yea I go through moments of deep despair and pain, but in the end there will be beauty because of it. We all have demons we battle with, that is part of not just being Christian but being human. There will always be things that hurt us and bring us pain and suffering, but does that mean we should give up? Or should we persevere in the hopes of finding the light at the end of the tunnel? Do we just sit there and wallow in our pain or try to do something about it?

I know how hard it is to try and not allow the despair and heartache to get you down. Sometimes the darkness seems to overpower everything. Sometimes it just takes everything in you to get out of bed or even shower and eat. It's those moments when we feel like giving up is the best idea, but nine times out of ten it is not something that works. When it comes to pain and whatever else we deal with nothing seems to help and we tend to just sit there and let it fester, I know I have done that. We cannot see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, or that light could even penetrate the darkness we feel. For me, sometimes the only thing that gets me through is my faith, and even then...there are times when I want to give up on that. I'm human. We've all been there at one point or another.

Depression, despair, pain, whatever you want to call it, effects everyone at one point in another whether you want it too or not. How we deal with it is what matters. Do you wallow, do you give up, or do you persevere?

Angels

I just finished reading a book called "The Valkyries" by Paolo Coelho, I mentioned him before with another one of his books called "The Alchemist." The Valkyries focused more on hope, or love I forget which because it actually talked about both. In the book the author describes his personal journey to see his angel. Everyone of us has some belief that we have a guardian angel watching over us. I think it is human nature to want to be able to see our angel at one point or another. But in the book Paolo couldn't see his angel, he even had a hard time hearing him, because he was being impatient. I think sometimes when we get impatient in life we tend to miss out on the things that God really has planned for us.

When Paolo finally did "see" his angel it wasn't in the sense that we normally think. We think we would see an angel as a person, when in fact that isn't the case. Many times we see our angels in different forms: a random stranger, a butterfly flying around, a bird on the wire, a squirel eating a peanut from your hand. Gentle things like that are said to be an angel. Angels are all around us and sometimes we don't even realize it. We tend to not notice these things because we are so impatient in life and worried about our own agendas than what God wants for our lives. Maybe when we begin to focus on God's agenda we will notice things more and possibly see angels.

Asking Patience

Many times people get on our nerves that we need to learn to have patience with them. We allow people to bring us so much stress and allows us to get frustrated. People and other situations can try our paitence. For example, at my job there is one person who doesnt really do what the job asks. He sleeps on shift, refuses to do something we should do, smokes a lot, and other things. When complained about to the boss, it get ignored and not dealt with properly. Many of my co-workers, myself included have gotten so frustrated with this co-worker that our patiences ith him is too thin. I asked God to give me patience with the situation, and i have to say that was a mistake.

I say that it was a mistake because if anything I was shown that patience is something you do not learn. But rather develop with time. You can't automatically be able to be patient with people who get on your nerves, or patient waiting for a car or that guy you like to ask you out. You need to develop your patience through the experience. You develop patience by being forced to be patient. My co-workers and I are forced to be patient with our boss because maybe she is waiting to gather enough of the lazy co-worker before she fires him...more proof. We need to be patient while she works out the kinks in the schedule sure we need it before the first of the month, but we still need to be patient.

They say patience is a virtue, but really it is. if you can be patient with the various stresses in life I think you are doing good. I admit I am not the most patient person in the world and I would love to be more patient. Ineed to develop more of my patience and I guess that if it takes haveing more frustration in life so be it, but I will develop my patience, and I thank God for making me be more patient.

Being Too Involved

I have been reading another book by Paulo Coelho, The Valkyries. So far he talks of trying to talk to/seeing your angel, and that the angels are love in motion. Before Paulo and his wife Chris even start talking to their angels and are walking through the Mojave desert, Chris says something that made me really think. She says "We are always looking at the things that are closer to us. Looking down nd inward. So our power diminishes, and our soul shrinks. Because our soul includes nothing but ourselves." Alot of people throughout life complain about things that involve only themselves. Do you have a friend who whenever you talk to them, are only concerned with what is going on in their life and won't even give you the chance to talk about your issues good or bad?

I think too often we are too concerned with the things that only involve us. We don't look at things that include anyone else let alone God. The book talks about looking at the horizon and taking in everything in the world just not what is in our immediate surroundings. We dont look at things that could involve God or see that God is involved in everything. We wnt everything to fit into our little box, our little circle, but really God doesnt fit into anything we try to stuff him into. We need to realize the world does not revolve around ourselves. Sure our issues can be big and overwhelming but we cannot let that become the only thing we concern ourselves with. Friends and family need us...God needs us and we need him

Dealing With Stress

Lately things at my job have become incredibly stressful, not so much with my client but with more so with my boss and the different things that she has put into place. It makes the work place more stressful, which we all end up taking home because really how easy is it to leave the stress of work there? It is hard to leave the stress of work at work. Then the stress of bills and other daily life things add to the work stress. Right now the muscles in my shoulders and neck hurt to no end because of all the stress. We all deal with stress in different ways like going out with friends, taking a nice hot bubble bath, getting a massage and other things. Many of us find the ability to turn to Christ in times of stress. I will be the first to admit, I do not always turn to God when I am stressed out.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Phillipians 4:6-7) In an article on Crosswalk entitled God's Plan For Your Stress Relief it says that God designed prayer to be a stress reliever. But I know what some of you are thinking, sometimes prayer can cause more stress, what do you pray for, how do you pray, is it enough, does God hear your prayers and so many other things that could be running through your head.

That verse tells us that God gives us peace during our trials and tribulations and that includes the stress that we go through during life. God is there to help us through but how do we get that peace. Obviously through prayer, but like I said sometimes that can be so hard, yet so easy. I admit that there are times when I have such a hard time simply asking God to give me peace through my times of stressfulness and hardship with daily life. Sometimes I wonder if he really cares. I have talked with my pastor who has prayed for me which makes a small difference, but tht stress is still there. Maybe just maybe simply saying God give me peace through this, or give me strength will help. You never know...

Child Innocence

This past weekend was my family reunion, and I spend most of the day playing with my cousin's 3 year old daughter. Her imagination is wonderful, and she is incredibly smart. All she wanted was someone to play with her and she was happy. We played with playdough on a table, I made hamburger and she made a hotdog. We had fun together, she couldn't remember my name so she called me "Chloe." She giggled when I sat at the bottom of the slide to catch her. I was pushing her on the swings and all it took to make her giggle like crazy was for me to lean around and say "BOO!"

She made me really think about the innocence of children. Lately I have been noticing that a lot more and thinking more about it and what God felt about it. When it comes to making us happy we all want more more more. We want things to be bigger and better, the newest of electronics, the better cell phone. We cannot be happy with the things that we have. We cannot be happy with the simple thing in life like playing on a park playground, or watching the sunset with someone we love. God has given us so much in life to appreciate yet we want none of it and don't appreciate any of it. It's like we don't know how the way we did as kids. I mean how many of us will spend hours watching the clouds the way a child would? How many of us stopped whatever we did and colored a picture?

Kids have this innocence about them, that goes away somehow, sometime. They have the simplest of answers even if they don't know the answers. There have been times when I asked kids a question and their answer made me giggle because it was so innocent. As adults we want concrete answers and simple "because thats the way God wanted it" doesn't help anymore. We want to know WHY God wanted it a certain way, WHY God created us. We can't be happy with the fact that God created us. You ask Sydeny why she created a hotdog from playdough and she will tell you either "cause i anted to" or "i don't know." She didn't need a reason for why she did what she wanted to do.

We don't have that same thinking when it comes to God. My cousin's daughter thanked me for holding her hand when we crossed the road, do we thank God for holding our hand through a trial? No, if anything we BLAME him for the trial. We barely ever thank God for the small things let alone the big things in life. Children find it easier to thank not just the people around them, but also God for the simpler things. Children appreciate it all more than we do, which makes me wonder, do they appreciate God more than adults do? I think children have the innocence to understand things more than we give them credit for, meaning they have the ability to understand things that we have a hard time grasping. They don't complicate things by wondering Why something like cancer happens. They may ask questions, like how does one get better, but they don't want to know why it happens.

I think a lot of the time when children are taught about Jesus and something bad happens they believe it was His will and that He wanted it to happen and that is enough for them. Could it be that simple? Yet adults make it complicated because we are never as satisfied with things the way children are?

Elisha's Bones

I just finished reading this book i picked up the other day called Elisha's Bones. It wasn't what I expected, but it was an interesting concept and got me to thinking. There is a story in the Bible about Elisha's bones having the power to resurrect a dead man...Elisha died and was buried.
Now Moabite raiders used to enter the country every spring. ²¹ Once while some Israelites were burying a man, suddenly they saw a band of raiders; so they threw the man's body into Elisha's tomb. When the body touched Elisha's bones, the man came to life and stood up on his feet. The story of this novel revolves around the idea that Elisha's bones still exist and still after all these centuries still hold the power to resurrect the dead.

I got to thinking, if Elisha's bones do still exist were would they be? If people got a hold of them would some use them for evil? Like to resurrect Hitler or good? Is it right to resurrect anyone, I would think that would be playing God, but then why would there be a power like that within the prophet's bones? I know it says a lot about the power of God. The fact that there were something so simple as a prophet's bones that have such power gives the implication that what else is God capable of. What could those of us who aren't prophets be capable of?

Angel Rays

While working with my client, there have been times when she has pointed out the sun rays and said "look angel rays" I wasn't too sure what she was talking about until she told me. In her mind, the rays of the sun are how angels come to earth. They travel through the sun's beams. It is an interesting thought to have. We all know angels walk this earth even if we cannot see them, but we know they are there. Have we ever thought of how they get from Heaven to earth, but then sun beams are one explanation. It is this kind of innocent thinking that I think allows people to understand and accept the presence of not only angels, but also God a lot more than people who like to analyze things more. When you are innocent as a child, you are quick to believe in anything no matter if you can see it or not; why does that have to change when we get older?

I mean was there a time when you laid on the grass and spent hours looking at the clouds coming up with shapes they looked like? Have you done that since being a child? Why not go outside on a nice sunny day and trying it. Seeing God in the things around you has somewhat of the same concept. We should look at things and say "hey look God is there." or "God is here." We should have childlike innocence to think of sun beams as a way for angels to come to earth. Or that a cloud looks like a bunny rabbit. We can look at something and say "God's hand made that" and not think twice about it the way we did when we were younger.

Relaxing

Yesterday was my 27th birthday and honestly I didnot feel like I turned 27. I feel so much more younger than that. I spent my day laying out beside our pool and read a book. I finally finished a book within one day, and can move on to the other books that I have sitting on my desk. I enjoyed my day of complete rest and relaxation. It is what i needed, a day in the glory of God. I admit that I didn't spend my day praying or reading the Bible, but I was in the presence of God all day. I felt it all around.

Sometimes I think we are too wrapped up in our daily lives that we don't stop to rest and relax properly and enjoy a nice sunny day the way God intended it to be enjoyed. When we do try to stop and smell the roses thoughts of work, things we need to do, bills and other things pile into our heads and we get distracted. We never just stop and not do anything for a long period of time...especially for an entire day. When we allow our daily worries to interrupt our rest and relaxation, I don't think we realy rest and it begins to wain on us; to take a toll on us. We need to take time to stop and do nothing think of nothing and sit and read a good book, write a story, walk the dog or whatever else we can think of to just relax and not do anything.

I think a lot of the time when we finally stop and relax and not let anything get in the way, we really feel God's presence the most. We feel his arms around us, hear his voice on the wind. Resting and actually relaxing allows us to be more suseptible to God.

The Alchemist

I just finished reading this really good book "The Alchemist" by Paolo Coelho. A dear friend Terry suggested it to me, so I thought why not and started reading it. It talks about wisdom. Somewhat in a spiritual sense but at the same time not really. I know real descriptive right. Anyway like I said i just finished it. There are so many things I could say about it but not enough time and space haha. Anyway at one point the main character goes to an oasis on his journey to find his Personal Legend, to find out what his purpose in life is. Kind of like how we are on a journey to find out what God's will for our lives are. At the end of my copy of the book there are different questions about the novel and about yourself which I am kinda talking about with Terry at the moment.

One of the questions is really interesting and has me really thinking...have there been times in your life when you felt resistant to living out your personal legend? has there been times in your life when you felt resistant to living out God's will? I think at some point in all of our lives we all have been resistant to living out God's will or our Personal Legends as Coelho states. I look back on the things in my life and wonder it all had to be a part of Gods will or leading up to his will or else why would it have happened? Why would I have been diagnosed with cancer? Why did I have to spend 6 months through chemotherapy, lost my hair, lost a part of myself; yet when I was finally told I was cancer free I was a new person. So that I could fulfill my Personal Legend better? Did I go through hardship just so that I could serve God's will for my life easier/better?

I think there are times throughout our lives when we are resistant to God's will for our lives. Do we resist to the point that there are times when we do not fulfill our "personal legend"? Why would we resist GOd's will? Why would we want to resist what is supposed to happen in our lives? or to achieve our goals? A lot of the times we allow fear to enter our hearts, we think we made it to one point and cant get farther, and other excuses. With God anything is possible and we can achieve anything. I think we can achieve everything God has planned, but we need to be willing to allow it to happen. We can't resist things anymore.

Easier said than done, I know.

Learning

I am in the process of reading a book called "The Alchemist" by Paolo Coelho. It is focused on wisdom and listening to the "language of the world" which could mean a multitude of things, but Coelho uses religion as parts of his examples: Allah, God, and listening to the God. He says things about looking at the future, fear and learning. What I am going talk about learning. He says "Everything you need to know you learn through the journey." We can read all the books we can get our hands on, we can pray all we want, we can attend seminar after senimar, but the best way to learn anything in life is to learn from our own journey through life. We learn from our mistakes as well as our success.

Many times we ask God for guidance and to help us understand things in life. Many people don't think he answers those prayers in different ways mostly through the things that happen in our lives. We learn God's answers and wisdom through our mistakes and success in different aspects of life. We learn God's little lessons by simply living life the way he expected us to which includes making mistakes through our growing process. We need to pay attention to what God could be trying to tell us through pretty much everything that is happening in our lives. For example: I am learning patience and compassion through my job.

God teaches us things on a daily basis and I don't think we can learn those things from books, seminars, television or wherever else people get their learning. We learn from our journey, we learn from our walk with God, our daily battles whether we win or lose, we still learn something from the journey....learning from the path to hope.

God's Beauty

Last night there was supposed to be a meteor shower, but the moon was too bright and I am too close to city lights to have been able to see it. I tried for about an hour to see the wonder of nature, the wonder God created. While I didn't get to see the meteor shower, a dear friend send me some pictures he took from overseas. The picture above is just one of them. In that picture I see the wonder that is God. Everyone wants to put God in this box and not see the work that he does. Or when something happens it is refered to as an act of nature not an act of God. I believe Billy told me the picture above is from a volcano erupting.

God has wonderous powers and is active all around. Too many people think God is dead and isn't active anymore. But he is more than alive an well. I think a lot of the time we are too busy with our own lives to think about the bigger things in life. We want to focus on all the small things that we think are important to see the world in the grander scheme of things...seeing things from the viewpoint of God. I love seeing things like the pictures my friend sent me. It helps keep me grounded and focus on what is truely important in life. God is alive and working up a storm, we just need to actually open our eyes and pay attention to what is around us.

God's Blessings

Last night there was a free concert at a local park. Aaron Shust is an amazing musician who has a talent I wish I had. The Bible talks about using your talents to spread the word. Using what God gave you for God so to speak. I use my talent for writing to write blogs, articles, even a book (even if there are times when it feels like I am not succeeding) to help further the kingdom of God.

As I sat listening to the words of Aaron, I thought about my walk with God and there are things I wish I could change. There are things in my life that needs to be changed, I am not perfect nor would I ever claim to be. I know there are things that I can do to better my walk with God, I mean we all have things that could be changed in our lives and things we could do more of. I could pray more and read my Bible more. Sometimes it is hard to notice all of God's blessings when we are thinking about the things in our lives that could be changed. I think too often we focus on the bad things about our relationship with God, and what I mean if I think we focus too much on what needs to change other than what our strengths are with our walk with God.

I sit here saying I know there are things that need to change in my walk with God, but what about the things that don't need to change? What about the things that make people see God in my life? Surely I am not doing everything wrong and have some things in life that are making a difference. I think the compassion I have is one thing that makes a difference in my walk with God, that I try to see things through his eyes. God blesses us through so many different things and in many different ways. He blessed the Mon-Valley area with a wonderful free concert by Aaron Shust and Beyond The Ashes. They spoke to many people, many teens, within 2 hours or so. Take a look around and instead of thinking what needs to change with your walk with God, look at the blessings he has given you.

Living Each Day

I have this magnet on my dry erase board that has a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson. I am not sure where the quote is from but it says a lot to me. I seen it at Barnes and Noble and decided I needed to have it where I could see it every day. Emerson says:

finish each day and be done with it. you have done what you could. some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. tomorrow is a new day, you shall being it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

I am not sure what that says to you all, but it says a lot to me. Emerson is saying to not let the little mistakes each day get the best of you. That once you finish the day let everything that happened that day be done and start tomorrow as a new day. My cousin Stephanie just graduated high school and I think she lives this quote even if she doesnt know it. She takes things in life as they come and if something bad happens one day, she deals with it then, but come tomorrow she forgets about it. She doesn't let the trials life throws at her get her down and goes on with life. I wish I could be more like her.

Too often we let lifes trials and get us down. We always let things bog us down and effect the way we live our lives and how we react to different things. Tomorrow is a new day; there will be more things happening throughout the day that will be hard to deal with, but we should turn to God for strength when it seems too hard, then when the day is over give it all to God and start the next day anew. That may make things easier to deal with if we let the small things go, maybe the big things won't seem so big after all....just a thought.

Villages

I wasn't sure what to title this one. I am sure you have heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a child." When I think of villages in Biblical times I can see everyone taking care of the children. I can see mothers shepherding children around teaching them stories handed down, or teaching them cooking techniques while other mothers clean house or something. I just find it easy to imagine many people putting in the effort to make sure the children of the village survive and grow up healthy. Many times we do that within our own communities especially in our churches. When I think of my church there are a few young children, and we all keep an eye out for them. When one cries and the parents aren't around there is someone there to soothe the child or stop them from doing something that could be harmful. Importantly we all help teach the children the importance of God and relying on him.

One day during camp I sat with some of the kids and was talking with them. Some were telling me about what they thought about God and one little girl was telling me that she can feel God with her. To me that was something most adults can't even say. At camp I was amazed at how the senior campers acted around the younger kids. They were all there to keep an eye on them and keep them out of trouble. When asked who would help keep an eye on the kids at the lake many of the senior campers said they would; they jumped at the chance. Others sat and talked to the campers listening to them as they rambled on and on. I think many times when we want to see the innocence of God we need to look at young children.

I got off track sort of. It takes more than just parents to raise children. I think it helps to have more people watching out for kids. I know growing up my mom had friends who helped her keep an eye on us as well as disciplining us. I think many times that's how it should be and how God intended it to be. I think he intended for a whole village to help raise children and help guide them in the ways of being a good Christian. Children require a lot of care and guidance and working together as a "village" helps raise them in the right direction. Even now as a 26 year old woman, I enjoy having my church family, who might as well be called my family. I consider many women to be like my mother, many men to be like my father and the youth like my brothers and sisters because we all are. We all are a family who have the same father: Christ. He gave us life and sure the young children like Maddie in the the first picture or Justice in the one of me aren't mine, but I still consider them my kids because I help keep an eye on them. I try to help give them guidance the way a family member would.

The Bible puts a lot of emphasis on children and their innocence, then culture puts a lot of emphasis on the children being the future. So if they are the future shouldn't everyone pitch in to help raise them and teach them what it means to be a good Christian?

Dealing With Things

While working with my client I have learned that we all deal with the trauma in life differently. Sometimes we hold on to things for years and the pain that happened at one point in our lives continues to hurt us in the future. We often let our pains fester and try to push them aside and not deal with them. I have learned while working with my client that I have simply pushed my pains aside and not dealt with them properly. While it is hard to deal with them when something happens, it is even harder to deal with the pain and heartache years down the line.

God puts trials and tribulations in our lives for a reason. Sometimes we learn from them other times we are able to use that hurt to help someone else. It is hard to deal with the pain, heartache and other feelings associated with different trials on our own, which is why we have a merciful God. He is always there when we need him. I think too often we feel like Jeremiah did. In Jeremiah 15:18 he says "Why is my pain perpetual and my wound incurable, which refuses to be healed? Will you surely be to me like an unreliable stream as waters that fail?" We allow our pains be perpetual sometimes, other times while we deal with it it still seems to come up and overcome our efforts. That is when we need to rely on God the most. We need to turn to him and as Him for help and strength. God is there to lift us up when our trials and tribulations have us down; He is there when things seem to be too much.

Too often things get to be too much for us and we need the help of therapists and psychologists. I admit I am seeing one to help me through my heartache and there is nothing wrong with it. While he is helping through it, he cannot give me the spiritual help that I need and can only get from someone like my pastor. Sometimes we need to do things that changes aspects of our lives to help us deal with things in life. Prayer is important and I know I need more of it in my life. God is there to help us, help me, deal with the heartache that I have been holding on to. Now I am ready to let it go, I want to get rid of the pain that I feel daily and replace it with joy that only God can give.

Are you ready to let it go and give it to God?

Books Of History

Recently I finished reading a series by one of my favorite Christian authors: Ted Dekker called the Paradise series. The storyline follows a project called Project Showdown. It was a project to see if 36 orphans who lived and educated in a monastary away from the world could have the faith "to move mountains" or if evil would creep in somehow and have an effect on them. Basically they wanted to see if they could make perfect children with faith that could do anything possible. Well under the monastary were books called the Books of History where when innocent minds wrote in them, whatever was written happened. In the first book Showdown you get the story of Project Showdown and how Marsevues (sp) Black came to be. You learn about the characters and Paradise itself. It was a thrilling story that captivated me...then Saint follows one of the survivors: Johnny who becomes somewhat of a sleeper agent. Then the last is Sinner when the other two survivors unite and learn about themselves and with Johnny defeat Black who was basically evil incarnate.

I mention this series because it really got me thinking. The Bible says we have the faith to move mountains...faith even as small as a mustard seed could have that kind of power. The mountains in my mind are always metphorical: mountains being the trials in life. The characters in Ted Dekker's books come face to face with evil itself and hold on to their faith. I wonder how many people would be able to stand in the face of evil and not give up on their faith. How many people would fall to their knees and pray instead of giving in or running away? Better yet if something like the Books of History really existed and hatever was written by an innocent mind, would it happen and what would someone write in it? I like to think when I am face to face with evil itself that I would be able to stand up and satnd firm in my faith. I would hope I would have the strength to say Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Light and not let anyone sway me no matter what.

When it comes to faith we need to be strong in our faith, strong in knowing that what Jesus taught 2000 years ago was the truth and not some teachings of a false prophet that many people try to make him out to be. We need to cling to our faith in the face of evil instead of allowing it to darken our souls and devour us whole. That is the point of evil, that is what it wants to do. Satan and his demons are meant to kill, steal and destory, but when we cling to our faith and hold on to what we know as truth, we wouldn't be able to be killed, stolen or destoryed.

What would you do in the face of evil would you be able to stand up to it the way Johnny, Billy and Darcy did in the novels or would you waver and run away? Would you strive for the faith that moves mountains or allow the mountain to crumble you?

Be As One

One of the themes for camp this year as Be On Guard and working together as a team, being one with each other and one with God. Every morning at 0800 hours the teens got up and did PT under the direction of Sergent Franks, one of the men from my church who is in the military. On the first day they didn't really work as one, and when they shouted "BE ON GUARD" after they were called to attention, it was like 40 or so different voices, but by weeks end they were of one voice, one body, one group.

Throughout the week the teens worked together in PT, kitchen duty, ground patrol, bathroom duty and other things. They worked together. Sure there were disputes, but with 60 some teens of course there will be a small amount of drama. But they learned how to work together as a team and help each other in their weak points. At one point the week, two young men had to "owe" the company 100 push ups for one reason or another. As the boys got tired, Serg. asked if anyone would like to give their teammate push ups...one by one teens stood up to help their buddy out. They really came together to help one another as a team.

That was the Senior Camp...we saw this teamwork for God in the jr. camp as well. When the younger kids were asked who can help them stay on their path with God, many said parents teachers, pastors. One little boy: Christian raised his hand and simply said "Sean" his friend sitting next to him. A boy of 7 knew that his friends would be someone who could help him stay on track with his faith...7! These kids no matter how old or how young knew they need their friends to help them with their faith. It really made me think and look at my friendships: do I give my friends' support in their faith, do they give me support? Made me see that there are some things in my life that I need to change.

Delightful Unexpections

This year's camp taught me some things, but then again last year's camp did as well. This year I got the chance to sit in on some of the senior camp's chapel services and the talent show. I didn't know what to expect for a group of teenagers. Some I knew have faith, others I wasn't too sure of what to expect. When worship started and they began to sing, something marvelous happened. These teens either got up in front of their peers to sing and dance with the worship team, or raised their hands to praise God as you see in the picture. I don't know why I didn't expect it, but I didn't and it really moved me to see that many teens willing to praise God like that, willing to show their faith as if it was the only thing that was important to them.

I think too often teens are dubbed as "good for nothing," "troublesome," or as if they are up to no good, but sitting in on these opportunities shows that teens have things they put value in. Important things like God and not their phones or ipods like so many people are quick to think they value most. The kids feel at ease at camp to be able to show their faith and not worry what their friends would think because their friends believe in God as well and are right there next to them praising God. It is always a moving and powerful thing to see teenagers praising God and eager to learn more about him.

Never Too Young.

It was that time again; time for YES Camp that my church does. This year was a little different for me because I had to work, so I went up on days that I could. I experienced both of the camps because I ran between both of them. I would help out for a few hours at the junior camp and then a few hours at the senior camp. There were many things that I was impressed with this year. One of the biggest things was that the Junior Camp was directed by a new person this year. Kathy leads our junior church so she took over when the former directors stepped down.

Kathy decided since it was a military theme that she would teach the junior campers about the armor of God and what it means to wear the armor of God. She used visual aids such as a helmet for the Helmet of Salvation. It has been said in the past that the kids are too young to hear about things like Salvation and fighting in God's army, but Kathy went in thinking differently. She even did alter calls so the kids could pray about things and ask for prayer for things. We had kids asking for prayer for their family and friends, for sick family members etc. But the most wonderful thing was the 6 of the 30 kids we had in Jr. Camp came to Christ that week.

The kids were so excited to learn about the armor of God and what it means to be in God's arm and "be on guard." They were eager to answer questions, and learn everything they could learn that week. I expect to see more kids in Jr. Camp next year, many said they couldn't wait until next year. This year's Jr. Camp goes to show that you are never too young to learn about Salvation, you are never too young to accept Christ into your life.

Strength of God

Things with my new job has gotten a little more stressful. I cannot go into details, but I can say that it is going to take more than I thought emotionally, physically and mentally. This past week has been trying and draining all I want to do is sleep for a day or two. Last night was the worst episode my client had. It scared the living daylights out of my co-worker and I. But we handled it professionally and with grace. I think honestly she and I had the strength of God in us to be able to do what was needed to be done. I was shaking to the core, but I somehow was able to pull it together to do what was needed to be there for my client and give her the care that she needed at that time.

God gives us strength when we don't realize it. There are times when we feel at our weakest but in reality I think we are the strongest because God is there helping us through. God helps us through the times that seem scary and like we aren't doing the best we need to do. I know when I was in the situation that I was in last night, I didn't think I was doing what I needed to. I felt guilty that I didn't notice things faster, that something bad happened when I was keeping an eye on the client. God was there with me and my co-workers giving us the strength that we need.

God gives strength to those who need it, even when we are unable to ask for it from our mouths. He knows when we need it even if we don't have the words to say it. I felt his strength last night and admitted it to my co-worker on my way home. Even though there was a bad episode last night we learned from it, grew from it and learned that our strength may not have been our own, but could have been from God.

Compassion

The job that I do is one that not many people would jump to do. While there are days when it is leisurly and we play games, but in the mean time there are days when it is draining of all emotions and physical strength. At the end of most days all I want to do is sleep because I am so drained and feel like I could sleep for days. There are times when I have talked to a co-worker because I wanted to cry from the things I have heard and seen with this job. While talking to him he said something that stood out and meant a lot. He said "this job takes a lot of compassion . Not too many people doing this job has that. That sets you apart."

The compassion that Jeff talked about is a compassion that I think could only come from God. I think I am the way I am because I put to much of my life into Gods hands and allow him to have full control over my life. Sure there will be times when I try to do things on my own, but hey I am human afterall right? I have so much compassion for people around me, sometimes I wonder if it is a bad thing because it allows me to forgive so much which people say I do to easily. But God wants us to forgive and forget correct? Maybe that is a part of my compassion, that I am able to understand why people choose to hurt others including myself to the point where I can forgive them for it.

This world today needs compassion; there is so much hurt and pain in this world, that people need someone who has compassion the way God does. We need to look at the world the way God would and appreciate things the way God would. We need to look at things through God's eyes and not our own.

Things Aren't As They Appear

Sometimes the things we want in life aren't as they appear nor do they go the way we expect them too. We cannot always have things exactly the way we want them. I know too often in life we try to plan out how we want our lives to be and how we want them to play out. We expect everything to work out perfectly to our little plans, but God has other things in his plans. Sometimes I have found when we rely on God while making our plans they match with his, other times not so much.

My new job feels as if God simply placed it action for me. I love the people I work with as well as the job itself. I feel like I am finally doing something worth while, and what God wants me to do, has wanted me to do. I feel fulfilled for once and it is because I put my job situation into God's hands. There are aspects of my job that some people don't understand and try to give me a guilt trip about it because the way my job pans out isn't what THEY expected it to be. But in reality it isn't about them or me, but the young woman this job is made for. God wants things for our lives and places us in situations that may not as they appear. Everyone thinks my job is easy and fun because there are days when it is, but it is so taxing mentally, physically, and emotionally.

When it comes to relationships we all have our ideas on the "perfect" relationship and honestly I don't think I have the idea on the perfect relationship because honestly is there really a perfect relationship outside of the relationship that we have with Christ. I think when we think of things and how we want them to appear we set standards that no one is able to achieve, not even ourselves. Things in our lives are never what they appear, because no matter how hard we try to plan or set expectations or standards, God has something else in mind. When we rely more on God and allow him to have control in our lives things will start to become what they appear to be.

Making Time.

I was reading m dear friend Jeremy's blog today and the title alone made me think and wonder. It was simply "Make time For What Is important to you." We all talk about the things that are important to us, friends, family, church, exercise, writing whatever it is there are things that we consider to be incredibly important. Many people say the most important thing to them is their faith, yet when it comes down to making time to pray, read the Bible or even go to church, they make excuses and almost find ways to not do those things.

In Jeremy's blog he was saying that we procrastinate too much to do the things that are important to us. Jeremy stated "Sometimes you won’t have time, you have to make time" I understand having things to do and not having a lot of time to do things, but your faith is the one thing that you need to make time for. You need to make time for God. Stop and take a few minutes out of your day to give thanks or to offer up a prayer of someone or yourself. While you drive instead of listening to music; take that time to talk to God, that is what my mom does. Like Jeremy stated in his make time post the little things make a difference and sometimes it is the little things that mean the world. A couple minutes here and there with God to pray and read a few verses makes a difference in your relationship with Christ.

Friendships

The past few days I have been thinking about the friendships that I have. There are many people in my life who mean the world to me. We have fun, we're there for each other, and we appreciate each other for who we are and of course we are always there for each other. I know many people think I am foolish for forgiving some of my friends who have hurt me deeply in the past. But in my mind, isn't that the point? If you cannot forgive your friends and forget about the pains they can cause sometimes, who can you forgive and who can you call a friend because people are always going to hurt you. I know that all too well. I have written in the past about a friend who has hurt me numerous times and I know there are people who don't approve that I still talk to him, but he is my friend and I don't want to lose the friendship that we have. So he hurt me in the past, I have hurt him too. The point of the friendship is that we forgive.

When I think about people who ask me "How can you forgive him" or "Why are you talking to him again" I just want to ask...Doesn't God forgive us no matter what? So why should we put restrictions and conditions on our forgivness, especially to people who we call our friends. God forgives us no questions asked, sometimes I think we should do that with the people who come into our lives; family, friends, church members, acquaintances whomever. I think we should forgive them and try to forget I mean how else will we move on? I have been told if you hold on to a grudge and don't forgive a person who hurt you it only hurts you. Sometimes the person who hurt you doesn't care that they hurt you and doesn't lose sleep over it (though guaranteed some do). Forgive them, forget what has been done and move on.

I know i need to take my own advice, and I know how hard it is to just simply forgive someone. In fact it is one of the hardest things to do in life, but that is why we have God to help us forgive people. By the grace of God I have been able to forgive so many people who have hurt me in the past. God has helped me forget about what was done to me and my friends. God gives me the strength to work through all the pain and forgive someone for hurting me especially my friends because sometimes that hurt the worst.

New Job

I recenty got a new job within the Human Services field. I cannot go into details about for confidential reasons. Human services takes a kind of compassion and drive that a lot of people I meet don't seem to have. A lot of people don't want to take care of someone else or be a councelor, or be a part of crisis intervention or whatever else would be considered a part of human services. It takes a lot of a person, mentally, physically and emotionally.

I think back to stories of Jesus and the healings that He performed. He healed lepers: how many people would be willing to touch someone who we thought didn't simply "look right." Jesus healed the blind, deaf, those who could not walk, those who were possessed, and many other things. Dealing in human services is some what the same idea. Dealing with the sick, mentally challenged, mentally instable, eldery, children. People have told my mom the job that she does would be something that Jesus would do. I personaly think it would be anything in the human services field.

I have been wondering the past week how I will be able to handle the odd hours, stress, and emotional strain, but I know God will give me the ability to handle it. God gave me the compassion and desire to this job and I do not think He would make it so that I couldnt be able to handle whatever this job. Sure there will be things that I have to be careful about and guard myself on, but it isn't something that cannot be done. I look forward to this job and thank God that he put something like this in my path and make me a part of this wonderful things SPHS is doing for someone.