I am going insane with how I am feeling right now, I just want it gone. Sometimes it is hard to break free from the clutches of depression just like it is hard to break free from dancing with the devil. If we stay in the dance with the devil too long, the darkness that follows him will undoubtedly envelope us as well. We’re trapped. Sometimes….sometimes it feels like I don’t want to break through, that I feel comfortable in a depression, more like myself…but thats not a good feeling to have, not a good place to be.
I have to ask myself why would I want to remain in a state of depression? What does it do for me other than make me feel worse? But at the same time if the things I think are what I am used to believing…it’s almost like a comfort zone thing. Like I don’t know who I am when I am not depressed. Is that part of staying in this dance with the devil? The longer I stay spinning with him, the more natural it feels.
The maddening thoughts in my head are things I do believe about myself so when I try to tell myself differently, or others tell me differently it’s like a lie. Like its hard to grasp what is actually true, what others say or what is being said to myself. It goes back to my comfort zone thought, I am comfortable with what I think, it’s what I know and how I deal with things. To me things appear one way, when I guess in reality are different….or are they?
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