Nov 21, 2009

Depression

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, a lot of contemplating over things.   I will admit that this week depression has been really knocking me down.  I have been doing okay with fighting it and dealing with it, but this week it has been really attacking me and knocking me down. Its starting to feel like I am failing.

I look at the things I have been through, so much heartache, pain, and struggle.  I have had moments of happiness but for some reason those moments were taken away from me. It almost like I am not meant to be happy.  That I am doomed to live in heartache and be alone...will I be the crazy cat lady with like 20 cats..okay maybe not that many but still a crazy cat lady in the least.

I cant seem to make anything work lately.  Nothing.  I look in the mirror and see nothing of worth.  What do I have to offer?  I feel like there is a void that I cannot seem to fill, i dont know really what would fill it either.

Can I make anyone happy if I can’t seem to make myself happy?  Could Todd have been right that I am for some reason unmarriable? Why do I keep failing at even the simplest of things like making some of my easy dreams come true?

No comments: