Moving

Today is a big day somewhat.  We are moving to North Carollina for the summer.  While I am very excited for something different and new experiences I am a little scared.  Its  hard to leave everyone I know even if it is for a few months which I am sure will pass by very quickly.  I think the nervousness and slight fear comes from wanting to be in that comfort zone.  Going to a whole new place to live takes away from that comfort zone.

I am sure I will learn new things, Tom already wants to teach me to surf, or at least body surf.  But I am sure I will learn new things about myself and the way I view things.  It will be a good summer and I will meet new people and do things I’ve never done before aside from the surfing :).  I know there are people who are sad we are leaving and are in somewhat of denial for now but I look forward to our summer together and experiencing things.

The move will take roughly 9 hours or so.  Im sure I will see wonderful scenes.  Be sure that you will see pictures and of course hear more of my experiences living on the beach and meeting all kinds of people and learning new things.  :D

Thankfulness

The meaning for being thankful is a feeling of gratitude, or appreciation.  That is what I have been doing for the past few months or so.  Doing a post for the most part once a week about things I am thankful for, things I appreciate.  I have to say there are so many various things that I am grateful for that picking out some each week is hard.  I am thankful for things you can see and touch, things you can’t.  Im thankful for people in and out of my life (like the people who have came into my life and then left for one reason or another).

There are so many things to be thankful for like having a wonderful boyfriend, parents, and brother.  To having a nice home to live in and a good job to pay for that home.  Even simpler things like hot water to take a shower and do our dishes to clean drinking water to cook and well drink.  Even when times don’t seem to be going well and I struggle through various situations there are always things to be thankful for and I know sometimes I don’t see that, but I am making an effort to try and remember the things that I am thankful for and to try not to take advantage of certain things.

I think we need to take time every day to stop and be thankful for things, tell the people in our lives that we are thankful to have them and thankful for the things that they may do for us on a daily basis.  No matter  how small or simple even if it’s being thankful they take out the trash.  Tell them that.  it makes a difference.

Standard or Automatic

On Sunday my mom gave an awesome sermon about being standard or automatic.  If you know cars you know the difference, but basically standard you control the car, automatic well you don’t have to really do anything.  She referred that to being in a relationship with Christ.  Which goes back to the Power in Relationships post I write earlier.

When we are in a relationship with Christ too often we try to be in control.  We try to steer things the way we want them to go other than letting things happen the way God wants them too.  Instead of allowing things to take the course God has already set.  When I was diagnosed with cancer, we let God take control instead of trying to control the situation ourselves.  How much harder would it have been if I tried to do that?  Sometimes we want our lives to be standard when things are rough and willing to let God control when things are going good and easy.

My mom’s sermon has made some people think and reconsider how they allow God to work in their lives.  I am proud of how my mom did and she also made me think about how I allow God to work in mine.  Do I let him be automatic or do I try to be standard and make my life my control not Gods?

Freedom In Christ

The more I read The Shack, the more I learn and think about various different things.  One of the things that I read was “freedom is a process that happens inside a relationship with him.”  Of course the him is Jesus.  Now could the author possibly mean by saying freedom comes from a relationship with Christ?  I know there are plenty of people that think being a Christian has more restrictions and takes away from freedom, but that is not the case.

Once we have a relationship with Christ things churning around inside, things we are struggling with begin to work things out.  A relationship with Christ also means fellowshipping with Him, communicating with Him and sharing all aspects of our lives with  Him, not just the things that we want share.   We find freedom in our relationship with Christ because we are free from various things.  Sure as humans we will still mess up, fear the unknown and try to make our lives our own and try to dictate how things will happen in our lives.  That’s a part of being human, but once we understand that God still loves us and forgives our mistakes.

I do feel more freedom now that I have a relationship with Jesus.  It is a little hard for me to explain why you find more freedom.  I think perhaps its because we don’t hang on to too many things from the past and are ready to let some things go.

Spiritual Thanks

Each day we do things that ensure our physical health, but how often do we do things to ensure our spiritual health?  I think something I am going to start doing is working on doing things that works on our spiritual health.  Part of that is thanking God for things we have in our lives, things I have in my life.  That means the good and the bad.  Pastor Jason preached on giving thanks for those things and understanding that through the bad God has a plan.

I am thankful that I have struggled through the hardships that I have.  They have helped me remain strong in my faith and learn more about various things such as the meaning of crying out to God.  The hardships in life helps mold us into the people we are and helps mold our spiritual grounding and test the strength of our faith.  So I thank God for all the tests I have been put through and the tests that are still to come.

I thank God for sending me a wonderful man as Tom.  I thank God for the relationships that caused a heartache or pain.  Because I felt different pains, different heartaches and been in different interactions in relationships, I have learned to appreciate Tom more.  I just pray that I never take him for granted and that he feels loved and appreciated and I try to make him feel.

Last week I said I was thankful for my church family, and I will say it again.  I am thankful that I have a church family that will support me in everything and everyone is so easy to talk to turn to when you are in need.  Not only that, ROL members also unite as a family and help one another raise children, we invite each other to our homes for parties and other get togethers.  We are a family.

I thank God for providing me with a car, a job, and a home to live in.  Sure those are things that we live with everyday and sometimes I complain about my job, but I am thankful that I do have a job.

There are so many things spiritually to be thankful for and while some of the things I mentioned may not seem spiritual, acknowledging that I couldn’t have them without God and that he has blessed me in my life is.  I do feel blessed and appreciate the things God has given me.  I pray that I will continue to learn the lessons He wants me to learn and that I will remain strong and turn to Him as I have in the past.  Thank you God.

Power In Relationships

I was reading “The Shack” and there are some things that he says that really stand out for me.  Different things about relationships with each other and our relationship with God.  One of the things he says is “Relationships are never about power, and one way to avoid the will to power is to choose to limit oneself – to serve.”  How often do we find it hard to serve someone else?  To do something for someone else above our selves?  I think a lot of the time we try to always have the power or the upper-hand so that someone else doesn’t hurt us.

When you are in a relationship there shouldn’t be a power-struggle.   You shouldn’t be trying to gain power over someone you love.  I think that could have been the problem in some relationships I had in the past there was a sense of power, hierarchy if you will.  There was always a sense of me being “below” the other person which is never good in a relationship.  Relationships are about equality even in relationships with God.  There isn’t a power system with God, though I know people think that there is.

What point is there in searching for power in any relationship but with one with God?  Neither has power over the other.  We should try to talk to God as an equal.  I understand God is well God and we fall short of His glory, but if we want a relationship with him we need to limit our desire for power over Him and strive to serve Him instead of trying to make it the other way around.

One Touch

Last Sunday I stepped way out of my comfort zone and sang a solo for church.  While I was so nervous it went well, I might do it again.  The song I sang is called One Touch by Nicole C Mullen.  It is probably one of my favorite songs because it says so much about having faith and relying on that faith.  It is the story of the woman who have so much faith that if she just touched the hem of Jesus’ robes she would be healed.

When we pray how often do we not trust that God will answer our prayers?  Its almost like we pray with the doubt in our hearts.  Honestly how can that be effective?  When we pray to God we need to have the faith that He is as powerful as we say He is.  How can we not prepare ourselves for God to do His will and answer our prayers?  Why do we not have the faith that the woman did?

The story of the woman who had that much faith shows us the kind of faith we need to have.  The faith to trust in the Lord no matter what.  When we pray for something we shouldn’t just sit back and not do anything else, we should show God we trust Him and prepare ourselves for His answer.

The Shack

I have started reading “The Shack” again.  I read once and loved it.  This time around I am thinking a little more on my own relationship with God, and how I am I guess you would say acting in it.  I have been thinking “How do I view God?”  Is it like a grandfather figure like Gandolf or Dumbledore, or do I see Him as a someone to be feared?  Better yet, would I recognize God if I seen His face?

There are a lot things in this book that makes  you think and makes you take a deep look at your own relationship with God.  It starts out with tragedy and goes into the “Great Saddness” the main character feels from it and him turning away from God.  How many times have we done that in our own lives?  How often do we turn our backs on God and get angry at Him when something happens in our lives?  something we don’t want.

There are a ton of things Young says in the book that make me think and question not just my relationship with God, but also my relationship with Tom, my friends and my family.  It makes me want to make chances and improve on every relationship I have in my life.  We could always be make relationships better.  I enjoy reading books more than once, you pick up on things that you didn’t realize the first time around.

Special Thanks

Today during church I was sitting there thinking about my church family.  It’s been a little over 4 or 5 years since we started going to church at the River of Life Christian Fellowship.  It was shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer that I seen how wonderful and amazing my church is, when I asked for prayer during alter-call one Sunday; everyone in the church was there with me: praying and supporting me.  Something I haven’t seen in another church.

No matter what I am dealing with good or bad, my church family is right there to support me in any decision I make.  They don’t point out mistakes or wrong-doings, but say it’s okay let’s try again.  They relish in accomplishments and if someone isn’t at church one Sunday it is noticed.  We ask about the missing person and if we have a number or even facebook at least 2 people including a pastor will reach out and express that they were missed and we hope everything is okay.

I love m church.  I was writing something today for Pastor Paul and I realized I couldn’t have made it through cancer with my faith still intact without my church family.  I know I will be lost during the summer, but thank God for facebook!

Thankfulness

In life there are always things that we are thankful for.  Of course I have some things that I am thankful for some small and simple others large and complex.  I believe from time to time we need to sit back and realize the things that we are thankful for and why we are thankful for them so that we don’t take what we have for granted, and that includes people.

I am thankful for having a nice home to come home to after work or when we go out.  I feel fortunate to have been able to find this awesome apartment, and that we have awesome landlords.   Along with having a nice home, I am thankful that we live in a nice neighborhood, a nice part of the city and have a car to go places.  I mean sometimes we take advantage of having a car or a license but when you think about it, it is something to be thankful for.

I am thankful for wonderful friends who make a big deal out of us going to North Carolina.  Sean keeps telling us we don’t want to go and that we need to stay here for the summer.  Some of our other friends are doing the same, while for some it doesn’t seem to phase them.  Friendships are important to Tom and I and I am thankful we have some pretty awesome friends.

Family is another things I am thankful for; I mean without them where would any of us be?  I understand some people don’t have a good family life and I am very thankful that I do have a good family life.  I am thankful my mom and are as close as we are and that her and Tom are close as well.  Thats something important for relationships, that my spouse and my family get a long.  I am thankful and grateful that they do get along so well.

There are so many things in life to be thankful for.  Sometimes I sit and just say random thanks throughout the day to myself for the things and people I do have in my life.  I think I might send out random thank you cards to people that I am thankful for in my life.

Home

The other day Tom said something that kind of made me think a little bit.  He said “This feels like home.  Everywhere else I lived didn’t feel like home like this does.”  Our home does feel like our home.  Sometimes where you live is just that, where you live.  There is no comfort no peace there, but our house has that and more.  It’s warm and inviting.  I love how our home is set up and decorated.  Granted some rooms have yet to be decorated like the dining room, but hey we’re a young couple.  Though I am working with the awful green in our kitchen.

There are a lot of things that go into making a home a home, and one of the most important things is the love that goes into it.  Maybe our home feels like home because we put love into decorating and being together whether it’s just the two of us or if we have friends or family over.  After searching for so long for a place to call our own and a place where we fit in, our home is  that place.  Sure there are still some things that we need to get, a few more things that will make our home “complete” as if we need more than ourselves.

There is a saying that says “home is where the heart is” and that is probably why my home feels like home.  Because when  you walk in you feel the warmth, the caring, the love that we put into everything we do from something as small as doing dishes to something as big as deciding what to paint the walls.  I will get pictures of the house put up within the next few days once Tom cleans  up his magic sorting :D.

Lessons From Rollerblading

So I have decided to try to learn how to roller blade with Tom’s help of course, and from time to time Sean’s.  There are some small minor things that I am learning while I roller blade, and not all of it is rollerblading related.  One of the things I learned is the amount of trust I have or need for Tom and Sean both, in different capacities.

While they both were holding my hand or side to help me keep my balance, at any point they could have let me go and well I would have ended up with a bruised backside.  But they didn’t  I needed, still need to trust them that they wouldn’t let me fall.  Other than learning to rollerblade, I need to trust Tom and my friends that they wouldn’t let me “fall” whatever the situation it may be.  Also if I did fall, they would be there to help me back up again.

Its like friends dont let friends fall alone.  haha.  Trust is an important thing in any relationship whether it be friendship, family, or romantic.  If you can’t trust the other person then what kind of relationship do you have?  It’s almost like a false relationship.  I mean how can you be friends with some or even say you love someone but not trust them?  As Tom helps me rollerblade I see how much we trust each other in something so simple.  I trust he won’t let me fall and he trusts that I won’t make him fall or bring him down with me :D.

Momma Thanks

This Sunday is Mother’s Day.  A day where we spend time telling mom just how wonderful she is.  Throughout the week I have been thinking about my mom and the things she has done for me, all the sacrifices she has made to help me make my dreams come true and help me become the woman that I am today.  I honestly wouldn’t be here without my mom.

My mom has been such a symbol of strength and God’s love all my life.  While we struggled sometimes, mom always made sure we had what we needed or wanted.  Without spoiling us of course, though I am sure some people would say otherwise.  My mom has been there through everything I dealt with no matter how big or how small.  She wiped every tear, probably changed every diaper, and helped mend every broken heart and so much more.

I try to show my mom thanks and how much I love her everyday and just like with Valentine’s Day I don’t really need to day to tell her that, but its still nice to have a day specially devoted to her and all mothers everywhere.  Moms should be thanked daily and appreciated I mean without our moms we literally wouldn’t be here.

So to my mom thank  you so much for everything you do.  Everything I do I try to make you proud and show you that you taught me everything I know and that you raised a good woman.  Thanks mom for everything you’ve done and sacrificed…I cannot say thank you enough.

Comfort Zone

I know I have talked about comfort zone a lot in the past and recently, but it is something that is somewhat important because it is a big deal for me.  I seem to be stuck in this comfort zone and find it hard to break free from it.  I know I’m not the only one.  Every day people struggle with trying to break free from their comfort zone, some get panic attacks with the thought of breaking out of that place of safety and comfort.

The past couple of months I have been doing some things to break free from that comfort zone that I have fought so hard to remain in for so many years.  This coming Sunday I am going to do something is way beyond my comfort zone and I admit I am terrified of it.  I am going to sing a solo at church.  This is something I have always been too scared to do because it put me far from that comfort zone.

The song I am going to sing say a lot.  It is about the woman who had enough faith that she believed if she just touched the hem of Jesus’ robe she would be healed of her ailment.  Its a beautiful song, and I am singing it at the end of the church service.  I know I am going to be nervous and I might mess up some of the words, but what is the worst that could happen aside from that?  Simply, nothing.  I just hope people wouldn’t be able to hear my voice shake or see my legs shaking as bad as they were when I was practicing.