Failing

I am still feeling a little down on myself.  It seems to me that I keep doing things wrong or making stupid mistakes and it keeps bugging me and making me feel like I am failing.  I mean I was once told I was unmarriable because I struggled a little bit with finances.  What if because I still struggle a little bit that Tom will begin to think the same thing? Would Tom decide that I’m not worth the hassle; that my love isn’t worth it?

It’s like everything I try to do I fail at or somehow mess up in one way or another.  What if I never succeed at what I set out to do?  What if I cannot become the person I want to be and be the woman I want to be for Tom?  I’m afraid that one day he will wake up and decide that I am struggling with some bills and the way the school board  is being lately.  They didn’t do my change of address or my direct deposit yet, or at least I don’t think they did.  But nevertheless.  If one person thought I was unmarriable because of my failures and shortcomings.  What if Tom feels the same?

I admit I do want to marry Tom.  I want to be his little wifey, so sometimes I worry that I might not be enough to make him happy and then things like this happen and my fears increase and I keep remembering that I have always been the reason for relationships ending…unmarriable, immature, not loving enough…etc.  A part of me fears that it will happen again.  That no matter how much I love Tom and try to do everything to be a good girlfriend and hopefully future wife, I won’t measure up.  I won’t be good enough.