Living In The Here And Now

I was reading chapter 4 of Purpose Driven Life and one of the things he stated was that there is more to life than the here and now. That we should live towards the future, or even eternity. I tend to disagree with Mr. Warren on this though. I don't think we spend too much time live our lives in the here and now, but we live in the past. We are too focused on things that happened in the past and wonder what could have been or what should have been.

I think we spend too much thinking and living in the past to even think about the here and now let alone the future. Could it be because the past is comfortable? That is where our comfort zone is, we don't know what the future can hold. We are comfortable with the past because we know what happen and on some level are comfortable with knowing there is no risks involved, where as the future is unknown and scary to an extent. We have a hard time paying attention to the here and now. I don't think we even know how to focus on the here and now.

I made it a goal to try and live in the here and now and look towards the future instead of focus on the past. I don't want to live in the past anymore and allow it to rule my life so to speak. The past should remain there and used to determine or present or our future. So while Mr. Warren is correct in saying there is more to life than the here and now, there is more to life than the past.

Happiness

I seen a question today asking what brings you happiness, or what brings happiness to your life. That made me start thinking, what does bring me happiness. And there is a huge list of things that does bring me happiness. My life with Tom and seeing his smile every day makes me happy, or talking to someone from my family whether it is through a text message, on facebook or on the phone all brings me happiness. Seeing my friends and making memories with them make me happy.

Alot of people were saying various material objects made them happy, but its isn't the things we have in our lives that make it special, but the people we have in our lives that make it wonderful. When I get a message pop up in facebook from Terry saying Hi I have to smile, or when I get random messages from Melissa it makes my day. When I feel most depressed and sad I don't turn to my television or computer or other material things, i call my mom or try to talk to Tom or Melissa. Its the people in our lives that matter the most. The people that makes us happy not the objects we have laying around our house.

Why do we strive so hard to have the latest technology when we have people in our lives who are waiting to see us or talk to us? Why do we rush out on Black Friday to go shopping instead of spending time together as a family? I had a better time sitting at home with Tom watching movies and generally being together than I would have going to a store crowded by people fighting to get something on sale. I heard we spend 52 million dollars on Friday couldn't we have done that by taking grandma to dinner or something?

Loving Yourself

As I said before I am working my way through Purpose Driven Life, and in the second chapter he talks about how we are not a mistake in God's plan. That we are designed to look the way we do because God wanted us to look this way. But being humans there are always things that we do not like about ourselves, things we would like to change and alter, and in reality some people do go and have surgery to alter how they look. I admit there are things about myself that I do not like, and that includes my personality and attitude towards things, not just how I look.

While there are things that I would like to change, like my weight and this little belly bump I have (most women hate the belly bump) I will not go to the extremes to alter myself. The most I will do is probably dye my hair. I am generally happy with who I am and love the person that I have become and am still growing to be. Some of the things I don't like about myself such as my selfishness sometimes, jealous among other things. We all have things that we don't like about ourselves,things we wish we could change, but wouldn't those things be things that make us different from everyone else around us. Who wants to be just like everyone else?

I should be happy that I am not like everyone else and that there are things that set me a part. Yes there are things I can do to make myself better, improve on what God sees as perfection. But I shouldn't hate God's perfection.

Life Is Not About Me

I started to re-read The Purpose Driven Life, I am determined this time to get through the whole book this time. I mean if I read it once a day it would only take me 40 days, but if I read more I can get through more right? At the end of each chapter there are points to ponder, questions and verses. After the first chapter (that's all I got through so far, I'll get through more I promise) asks how can I remind myself live isn't about living for me, but for God? Through my daily life how can I remind myself that my life isn't about me? That I shouldn't be as selfish as I can be sometimes because as human beings we are all selfish.

I think there are times when I do need to remember this life isn't about me and times when I am being selfish because I admit I can be selfish I need to remember this and appreciate what I do have. I need to remember that I cannot have everything the way I want it to be, how I want it. Sometimes what I want goes against the needs of someone else in my life or even the desires of God, who am I to ask God to change things so that I can be happy? I wonder what can I do to remind myself that I should not only put God first, but also the other people in my life before myself. My happiness isn't the most important thing, sure it is important but I should try to make the other people in my life happy as well shouldn't I? I should be doing things for others, and I realized the other day I ask others to do things for me a lot.

When I think to do something for myself I need to wonder could I do this for someone else, or when I ask for something even if it is small I need to think, can I do it myself. Everytime I drive past the Light the Life mission reminds me to be thankful for my home and other luxuries so who am I to be selfish about the kind of house I am living in? The world does not revolve around me, I should ask "Why me." I should ask "how can i help others," but honestly I don't know how I can remind myself of this. Think that is a hard thing to do for anyone.

Thanksgiving Day

Throughout the day everyone has a post or sending text messages about things they are thankful for. I am happy to see a lot of them talk about family and friends and how important those people are to them. Thanksgiving is a day went set aside to give thanks for what we have in life, some do something like things we are thankful for from the year. Thanksgiving reminds us of the things we have in life compared to things we might not have had, or things we wouldn't have without certain luxuries.

In our lives there are so many things that we have that we take for granted, things that the early settlers didn't have, heck things our grandparents, and even parents didn't have. I am thankful for the small things we do realize is considered a luxury like the ability to take a hot bath whenever I want to, or even to turn the heat up when I get cold. I make jokes about my love of shoes, but to be able to have as many shoes as I do, or even as much clothes not just I do but we all do. Im sure everyone who reads this has enough clothes to last at least 1 or 2 weeks. And if we don't we have the ability to wash those clothes. That is something in itself to be thankful for. Things we have in our daily lives, things that seem mundane, but things we would be lost without. Who could go a day or two without a hot shower?

I think on a day that we give thanks for not only the people that make a difference in our lives, but also the luxuries that make a difference in our lives. While we eat the turkey, mashed potatoes, veggies or whatever we all eat on this holiday, be thankful for not only the people we are eating with, but the food were are eating, the home we are eating in, silveware etc. You get the idea. Happy Thanksgiving, and thank you for reading ^_^

Community Thanksgiving

Tonight we had a community Thanksgiving service meaning all the churches in the area got together for worship and prayer during the Thanksgiving holiday. It was a great experience to hear the other worship teams sing as well as sing with the other churches. It was nice coming together under one church and recognize that while we are different churches we worship and honor one God and that we can be a community with different faiths working in harmony.

Hearing the different Pastors and Priests pray and speak made me appreciate what we have as a community. We have religious harmony that many other communities do not have. What I didn't get to see but Tom told me later was after Pastor Paul spoke, another Pastor gave him the "bro fist" or they patted each other on the back, and Father Gary is leaving St. Lukes so all the pastors stood around him and prayed with him. How many other churches would pray with each other for the safety of another? How many churches would come together and agree while we worship differently we worship the same God and are thankful for that God. All got a glimpse into the worship style of another church. I think that is what I liked the most, hearing other choirs singing and hearing preachers/priests speak in their manner. It was amazing.

Afterwards there was a small reception with cookies and cake. It gave us a chance to sit together and talk. While doing so, Tom and I go the chance to talk to someone within our own church that we didn't get the chance to speak to, but we also got the chance to talk to a Pastor from a different church, a different Pastor Paul. It was a nice experience to have and I appreciate that St. Luke's was willing to play host to an amazing event such as this. I think in the future the community churches should do more events and activities together to show the community that we do have a unity. Made me so thankful for the generosity of St. Luke's, Father Gary and Father John. without them reaching out and offering it to the other churches we would not have been able to experience that.

Anime USA

This past weekend Tom, Brandon and I went to Anime USA in Arlington,Va. We had such a good time, it was probably one of the best conventions that we have attended. It was partly because we volunteered and got to experience some things that other people didn't. After all the regular con-goers got their autographs and pictures with the voice actors, we got to get ours, so instead of standing in line and waiting, I still got to meet the actors I wanted to met; including Micah Soulsod. There were panels that were fun to attend, concerts that were amazing (some were not as amazing) and I got to talk to random people.

While at the convention I came to a small realization. I was able to talk to numerous random people whether they were standing in line and I was the "line starts here" girl or just random people we seen cosplaying awesome cosplays. We actually made new friends from talking to them throughout the day and then in line for various voice actors during the last day. But the big part is that I stepped out of my comfort zone and talked to various people I didn't know. That is the biggest part of my social anxiety I struggle with. I have a hard time talking with people I don't know, but I felt so at ease talking to everyone as if I had known them for years. It felt like a weight has been lifted and I wonder if I can talk to people at an anime convention, why can't I talk to people in normal situations? Why is it so hard for me to talk to someone I don't know?

Being Hurt

Recently we acquired a new kitten named Orion. He looks much like our other cats aside from him being a little lighter color of gray. He is so lovable and loves to held really tight, that is if you are able to catch him. Whenever we try to pick him up he runs or hisses. Sometimes he does let us pick him up, carry and hold him. More so lately. But when we go to pet him, his ears go back, he closes his eyes tight and his tail goes between his legs as if he is expecting to get beat. Makes me wonder what people did to him in the past before he was taken to the Humane Society.

Seeing how my kitten is reacting to us despite us giving him attention and affection makes me think about myself. Too often I allow my past hurts to effect me. I expect to be hurt, expect to be left alone again. I found it hard to trust that Tom loves me probably like Orion finds it hard to trust us. How do we learn to trust someone after being hurt so often? How do we learn to let our guard down and sleep in someone's arms? The other night Orion fell asleep on me, and then got scared when he woke up. I think that happens to us a lot of the time. We get comfortable with someone, we begin to let down our guard and when we realize it we freak out.

While the ity bity is terrified of Tom and I, he is perfectly fine with the other two cats. He snuggles with them and licks them, tons of attention to and from the other cats. Which also makes me think of how we are with our friends, sure we don't lick our friends, well some of us don't. But we do look to them for comfort and reassurance when we are unsure of our situations. How many of us turn to a friend when we are in need? I think we can really learn a lot about our actions and things to cause us to think by watching our pets.

Thanksgiving

Next week is Thanksgiving, the day we sit with family and eat a ton if food. Basically it us the.beginning if the holiday season. Many times wr forget what the meaning of the holiday really is. Why we actually come together. We forget to give thanks on the day designated to do so. Why is that?

Why do we find it so hard to simply say thank you? We tend to say thank you for something we want like if someone gave us ride somewhere or gave us a compliment or a gift. But what if someone did something out of the blue to be nice? How often do we say thank you for that? Shouldn't we say thank you for anything someone does for us? To show we appreciate them and cherish what they do for us. I think being thankful is something that we should do just once a year or during 1 month. It should be something that is continuous. We should give thanks for everything thought the year and randomly tell the people in our lives thank you for everything they do for us.

Even if It posting something on Facebook like "hey thanks for being there" or something. It shows you are thankful and with this society being glued to facebook (I admit I have a tab open with facebook as I type this) it should be easy to post something or send someone a quick message. So tell someone you care about thank you, not just o or around Thanksgiving, but all the time.

Loving Thanks

I think every now and again we need to give thanks to those that we love. I have been with Tom for 1 year and 3 months or so and I love him with all my heart. I can't imagine my life without him and can't wait til we get married and I get to spend my life with him. I've been trying to make it a point lately to tell him how much he means to me and what he means to me. also why I love him. There are so many things I love about Tom and things I am thankful for like how he cooks dinner for me when I come home from work. Or how he makes me laugh and cuddles with me at random moments.

I love how he tries to take care me the best he can even if it is putting a movie on for me or turning the heater on before I go to bed. He tries so hard to make me happy and ensure that I am happy with him. And I am. I know there are times when he gets on my nerves or annoys me, but what relationship doesn't have those moments. It is the moments in between that matter, the ones where we spend time together just the two of us, or when we are with friends like Josh and Kate.

Tom is everything I ever wanted and dreamed of and so much more. I thank God for him everyday and sometimes I wonder if I show him I appreciate him enough. Do I spend enough time with him, do I tell him I love him enough. Do I treat him well enough, like do I treat him the way he deserves to be treated. I always think there could be more I could do for him. I love him, I should be able to do more for him and treat him like the prince he is.

Being Fair

I have always thought that if you love someone, truly love them, then you should let them know. But how far does that go? Should you tell someone you love them (or love them still) when they are in a relationship with someone else? This question has been on my mind a lot lately. Is it fair for one person to say 'I finally have things together and can give you what you deserve and need" after years of being gone. Would that be considered selfish? Even if you consider each other soul mates, is it still fair to profess our love and desire for a person if they are with someone else?

Is it the same as cheating if you are trying to cause someone who is in love and happy in a relationship to look at you in a loving relationship manner? Or to put it better, is it the same as cheating to try and gain someone's interest meaning pull them away from their current spouse?

Thinking

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the past four years or so. It’s been four years since the doctors told me I had cancer. Four years since I was told that there was 5 cancerous tumors throughout my lymph node system. Four years since my body was cut open, since I had poison coursing through my body. My hair has grown for four years. Its really been four years since I was told I was cancer free. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long, but at the same time it does. When you think about 4 years isn’t all too long. Especially when you look at the bigger picture. Four years ago my life could have ended. It was being Hodgkin’s and Non-Hodgkin’s. By chance, I had the good kind.

While I still feel somewhat the same person, I know things are different and not because of side effects or anything, but more because I see things differently. I’ve learned more the importance of small things like blooming roses or simply watching the snow fall, or the smile on my cat’s face when he lays in a sun beam (yes he smiles). I keep thinking that four years ago could have been the end of my life, but it wasn’t. Sure things were bad and no one wants to hear the word cancer come out of their doctor’s mouth, but it could have been worse. Does that sound weird or bad? I was lucky. My cancer was curable, there are so many people who sit in chemotherapy or radiation for months on end, with no sign of a change. There are people who the cancer has claimed their life. I was lucky I am still here. I should cherish my life and not take it or the things in life for granted.

I have been trying not to take anything for granted and live life to the fullest. I don’t want my life to be “Wasted” so to speak. As the saying goes, you only have one life to live. We should cherish it and not take certain things for granted. I dont know if my life would be the same as it is now if I wasn't diagnosed or if I would still have changed. But I am thankful that I went through that experience.