A dear friend if mine found out recently that her cancer has return. My prayers go out to her. Hearing this has cause most of my thoughts to be on my own cancer. I know the doctors told me I am cancer free and it wont come back. But I cannot help but wonder what if they are wrong. Or what if I get diagnosed with another form of cancer. What would I do? Would I be able to handle that again? There is always that little part of my mind that fears hearing that diagnosis again, being told I would have to go through chemotherapy or radiation again. Would I be able to handle all that again? Would I be able to see the hope as I did before?
No matter what I do I dont think I will be able to get rid of that fear. It doesn't matter how many times the doctors tell me I am healthy and cancer free I am still going to have that fear. When I get sick I get scared, there are even times when I feel something in my neck that isn't there. I fully admit I am afraid to hear those words again. You Have Cancer. That is something no one wants to hear once let alone twice. I understand my form of cancer is completely curable and there is no trace of it where it was, but what if I have another form of cancer. What if later in life I get diagnose with breast cancer or ovarian cancer? It's always something that could happen, something I am afraid of.
Along with that fear is that there is a chance that my kids could be diagnosed with cancer. While my doctor told me it was not hereditary, there will always be that fear. I will always wonder if my kids will be at a greater risk. I know it comes with the territory, but it's still something that is hard to deal with sometimes, it's overwhelming. I try to not think about it or worry about it. Cancer survivor is who I am and I need to learn how to cope with the emotions that come a long with it, though sometimes it's a little hard, and for that I am thankful I have a great support system.
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