Limits

I was just reading Jeremy's post on limits and creativity; some of the things he said and the post he refered to said a lot. They both talked about people allowing their creativity to be limited because they think they do not have the means to be entirely creative whether it be money, time, resources etc. People tend to just let themselves be limited and I think the same is true for our relationship with God. I think there are times when we limit the growth we have with God. There are times when we think we don't have the time, money (tithes) or whatever else. Jeremy was saying when we are limited that is when our uniqueness comes out, our true creativity in a sense. I think when we are limited in means or whatever that is when real faith comes in and we rely on our faith when we are limited in means, but we look for ways to limit ourselves sometimes. By saying, i don't have the time to help out or, I dont have time to read. 10 minutes out of the dayto read the bible isn't too much. I read mine on lunch breaks at work or listent to Christian music on my way home.

Sure we live in a busy lifestyle now, but we can make ways for God to become a part of our busy lives. Driving home from work, to work or wherever else we go, we could talk to God, pray to him, praise his name and listen to Christian based lyrics. There are ways to include God into our lives that doesn't "interfer" with our daily lives which most people think has to happen when you have a faith in God. With God there are no limits, we put our limits on ourselves and make it harder for ourselves to have a strong relationship with Christ, and possibly the people around us.

Inspiration

I was looking through some old things and getting rid of things that I did not need when I came across a note. I don't remember when I recieved it, but after reading it I remembered why I saved it. I had written a thank you note to one of my high school teachers: Mrs. Krupa. She was one of the hardest teachers in Bentworth, but what made her hard was that she pushed her students to achieve the very best that she knew was within them. She never settled, she never accepted less than what she knew we all were capable of. And after several years in college I wrote her a note thanking her for that. And she wrote me a note telling me how much it meant to her and that she would always remember me sending her that card.

There are always people in our lives who make a difference whether we know it or not. I never thought this mean horrible teacher would be the one who made a real difference in my life and made me never want to settle for less than what I was capable of. From her, I learned how to really apply myself and how to work hard for what I get and really appreciate it. She inspired me to be what I am today, though I would like to have more out of life right now, but I am who I am today partly because she pushed me. Sometimes that is what I think our hardships in life are like. God's little ways of pushing us to achieve the very best that he knows is within us. There is so much we are capable of and I think sometimes without God's little pushes, we wouldn't really aspire to do it all.

Respect

The other night I talked to this guy. We had a good conversation until he started to challenge my faith. He thought it was wrong that I use the NIV and NLT versions of the Bible, and then proceeded to tell me that the translations were wrong; that the original Latin told a different story. Now to me that was like telling me that what I believe is wrong, but when I called him on it, he out right denied it. He went into this huge speech about how he wasn't telling me that what I believe is wrong, the the translation I believe was. Isn't that the same thing?

Now when he told me he believed in God, but not Jesus I did not tell him he was wrong, I respected his beliefs and didn't try to sway his views. I think one thing people think about Christians is that we preach too much, that we push our beliefs on other people, but sometimes, from what I have seen and experienced is that it is the other way around. I have had way to many people try to tell me what I believe is wrong, while I just sit back and not say a word about what they believe. Too often Christians are being judged for not being tolerant of other's belief, but isn't that one of the things we are taught?

I think it just bothers me to have my faith challenged a lot, but when others tell me their faiths I respect it and ask questions to understand better, but not in a disrespectful way. I have friends who are pagans, Jewish, Buddist, and even Muslim (from college) and I highly respect them all and they respect me as well. I never once tried to preach to them and vise versa. I know it would take a while before there is tolerance and acceptance between religions, but still when someone else is not challenging your faith why is it necessary to challenge theirs?

Fun Times

I have heard it said many times that being a Christian is boring and you cannot have fun. A lot of people think you need to have fun by drinking, smoking, sex, doing drugs and a whole lot more that many Christians do not do. People think being a Christian has rules and regulations that restrict us from having fun and knowing what a good time is. But being a Christian I think we have more fun that we would if we were drinking and other things. We have fun just being ourselves and making fun for ourselves without the aide of other things. We take delight in the little things in life, like spending a relaxing say with friends. We find fun in being goofy and laughing together. Being a Christian does not mean being restricted and not enjoying life to the fullest, if anything I think many Christians live a fuller life than people who rely on alcohol or drugs for a good time so to speak.

When spending the day with my friends, I had so much fun just being ourselves and us just being friends and harassing each other or whatever. Chiara being Elvis, or getting excited over Kurt Cobain's guitar, to Danelle randomly yelling at people through the car window. Sure it may see silly and to some stupid, but we had so much fun just being ourselves and didn't need anything to help us have that fun and enjoy our time together. Being a Christian does not mean that fun is sucked out of life and you need to go through life being a boring person, though I will admit there are some Christians that are boring and don't know how to have fun, but that is their personality not the fact that they ar Christians. Christians don't just sit around the house doing nothing or only watch or listen to certain things.

I admit there are times when I have a drink or two, but it is not for the sole purpose of having fun. Drinking is not the basis for me to have fun or to enjoy the life that God has given me. Enjoying life is about enjoying the things God has given us, enjoying friends, family, life on this earth, just reacting and acting the way however we feel like. Being a Christian means noticing the small things and appreciating them. Out of everything that I may do in life some of the moments that I enjoy the most are moments like I had today with my friends, or times I spend with the people I care about the most. The point is being a Christian does not under no circumstances mean you don't know how to have fun.

Family

There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child, and that is kind of how I see a church family sometimes. I have been in churches where they pretended to care inside the church walls, but as soon as you left those walls, you didn't hear much from them. But I have to say the church I am at now, is a family through and through. The younger girls are my sisters and I talk to them all the time and we spend time together outside of church. Some of the guys like Cliff and Eddie are like my brothers: I could see them both protecting me the way my brother always has. Pastor Paul and Dave are like fathers and Shirley, Debbie and some of the other women are like my mothers. And it isn't like that with just me, but everyone else that steps foot through those doors.

No matter what one of us is going through we are all there supporting each other. We stand together as one, the way a family would. Parents of young children (babies) barely hold their children, everyone else within the church wants to hold the child. In fact myself and another one of the teens debate over who gets to hold Pastor's granddaughter. I think when it comes to church it needs to be like that, churches need to feel like a family inside and out. You cannot leave the church on Sunday and that be the end of the friendship/kinship. We are a family in the name of God so why should we not think or talk to each other outside of the church? Some of the closest people in my life are those from within the church.

I think of how the disciples were and whenever I read the Bible I get the sense that they were like a family as well. Supporting each other and being there if one another was dealing with something. We refer to each other as brothers and sisters in Christ, so shouldn't we act like it? Shouldn't we be able to forgive the way we would our birth siblings? I know I couldn't be angry at my brother for long, so why should I hold something against my spiritual brothers and sisters? I support my family through and through, so I should be support my church family as well. Family is important, no matter if it is a birth family, adoptive family or church family. God created us all as equals and I think he thinks of us as family as well, and why shouldn't we be? We are equal, we are family in the eyes God. We shouldn't be spreading rumors, treating each other with contempt, grudges and more. We need to act like a family.

Empasses

I think every so often God puts us through certain hardships and trial, empasses in life to bringus closer together. Closer to Him as well as closer to each other. Right now my church family are all dealing with different things together and seperate lives. Through all of this we are growing closer and stronger together because we are supporting each other and standing up against those who are opposing us.

There is always going to be empasses in life and sometimes they are hard to deal with and seem to try and drown us, but when we rely on not only God, but our church family we will have the strength to make it through. We would have the strength to deal with whatever it is we need to deal with and move on and grew stronger in Christ. When the Bible talks about fellowship, it means being with other Christians, being with our church family and supporting each other, and giving each other the strength to make it through.

Other times we need these empasses to see how strong we really are. I mean since some things have happened dealing with our church, things seemed to have um gotten better. More children are in junior church, more women are coming to ladies meetings, more people are coming to church and it seems people are giving more as well. Sometimes the hardships in life just opens your eyes to things you didn't know without them

Stress and Faith

Lately I have been so stressed out that I have all these knots in my neck. Today I woke up and I can barely move my neck without excruciating pain. I have been doing a lot of thinking today on what I could do about this stress, some I can control and deal with on my own, while others I have no control over because it deals with other people in my life. Sometimes there is nothing that we can do about the stress in our lives and if we don't do anything about it the stress can lead to depression and I know mine has. Right now I have a heating pad on my neck to help with the pain, but what can I do. Psalm 46 tells us that God is our strength and refuge: always ready to help in time of trouble. That is what I need to put my focus on: back to God not the stress that is in my life. What good is it to focus on stress when there is nothing that can be done about it?

I was reading an interesting post about stress and faith on the faith and health connection blog. Dale Fletcher (the author) was talking about how David's family relied on the strength of the Lord to help them through their heartaches and troubles, why can't we do the same thing? Why do we find it so hard to put trust and reliance on God during our troubled times of stress and depression? We pray to God for guidance and help, then when He sends the guidance we ignore what he says and then get angry at him for it. If God didn't want us to turn to him during troubled times there wouldn't be stories in the Bible of him being there for David, Samuel, Daniel, even Jesus. God craves for us to rely on him and allow him to be effective in our lives and focus our attention on him.

I know how hard it is to focus on God when so much seems to be going wrong in life, but that is partly the point. To struggle to keep our focus on him which would help our strength of faith to grow. What would we be if we didn't have God to rely on and to help us through our hardships?
We need to rely on God more for our stressful lives and learn that God is there to carry us through. Fletcher brings up a good point in his post that the "longer one stays stressed, the more likely the body will eventually pay the price" How many times has stressed cause people to get sick? I know lately my body has been more of rebelling against me because of the stress.

God's Surprises

God has a funny way of turning things around for your life. For the past few weeks, almost a month I have been feeling somewhat worthless, disappointing to God and those around me. It was affecting my sleeping habits, eating habits, and the way my body functioned. It was getting to hard for me to be able to just do daily things because it all seemed pointless and not even worth the energy, then I didn't have energy to do anything. I didnt even want to go to church or pray. Nothing seemed to make sense or help, but I persevered. I prayed with Pastor, I asked for friends to pray for me and I talked about what was going on through this site and a few others. Even though it didn't seem like it helped, I still had faith that God would take care of me, the he would help through this bout of depression. I know there will be other times when I have it, there will be times when I struggle, but I know that God will be there for me and he is there for you too.

We all go through our bouts of depression and hardships and God finds ways of turning it around. Within the past two days I got two job offers and it may not seem much, but I also got a date with a sweet gentleman. I took the job offers as GOd's little way of saying he will take care of me, I just have to be patient sometimes and keep holding onto my faith the way I did when I had the cancer. Depression is one of those things that if we dont have some sliver of hope and faith it can tear us down and destroy us, and I think the way we make it through is because God is holding us up. I mean there were times when I didn't feel like God was present in my life, but looking on things and looking at how they were in the past and now, then I see God has been there, God is still there and God will always be there.

Sometimes we don't feel like God is tehre in our lives, but he is there and we need to try harder to feel his presence. I know how hard that sounds, and I know I need to take my own advice, but there are things we can do to feel God's presence, instead of reading a trashy novel, read Purpose Driven Life, or Facing Your Giants. Instead of listening to Saliva, listen to Skillet. Turn secular things into Christian things and sometimes you will feel God's presence more. And even if it all seems futile, keep holding onto the faith that God is there and he will see you through.

Struggling

I read a blog on struggling and how it is actually good for us. 5 Reasons Struggling Is Good For You talks about different reasons why we need to struggle through life sometimes. We get depressed and struggle through the depression, but maybe that is something we need to deal with because it will help us grow in our faith and as people. Struggles teach us different things, and maybe we can learn something from the depression we all deal with. We all have stuggles in life and sometimes those struggles can lead to depression, and depression can get out of control sometimes and many times we cannot see that those struggles can change things. Could change our lives.

I think while we are in our depression, we tend to focus on ourselves and how we feel, but at the same time there are moments when we realize how much we mean to other people. For example Pastor said the church would be missing an element if I would leave, and that made me feel like I mattered somewhere. That maybe just maybe I am not a disappointment to God and those around me. 5 Reasons Struggling Is Good shows that while we may be dealing with a certain struggle, God has a plan for the struggle and right now we may not see what it is. I may not understand what reason there is for me to deal with this depression is, but I know God can and will use it for good.

Struggling will always make us stronger, not weaker which is one thing that I am trying to focus on. I am going to pull through this depression stronger not weaker than I was before I entered it. And I think that is how it is with many of us. God will make us stronger through the depression, doubt, heartache whatever else we may dealing with at different points in our lives.

Mother Teresa: Depression

I was just reading Mother Teresa: Faith, Depression, and The Work of God, an article I found online. It talked about depression and how even Mother Teresa felt doubt within her faith and there were times when she didn't feel the presence of God. Even though she felt that depression and doubt she still persevered and did the work of God. She even questioned whether or not the work she did mattered or changed lives and I found that to be so amazing. Of course she wouldn't be immune to depression! She was human after all, but she still persevered through it. She pushed through the depression and doubt because of her faith in God.

The article mentions that the story of Mother Teresa shows us that we are human, we are subject to doubt, depression and these other feelings because the only person to every be immune to tat could have been Christ, but could there have been a time when he was depressed? But no matter, if Mother Teresa was still able to push through her feelings of distress to do God's work, why can't we do the same thing? Why couldn't we focus on God and His work because that is basically the reason we do everything for? She related the experience in Calcutta to being in Hell. How many of us do that with our own lives, and we havent seen the horros and things that Mother Teresa has seen?

Mother Teresa: Faith, Depression, and Gods Work is a short article but it spoke volumes to me. I have admired the works the she did with the poor and the sick, and to know she battled depression while doing it makes me admire her even more. She didn't do her work for herself, but for God and I think that is an important component to battling depression is live each day and do each thing for God.

Shutting Down

Lately I felt like I have gone into like a shut down mode because of all the stress that has been going on lately. I am already quiet, but lately I have gotten a lot more quiet and generally only talk to certain people. I just like retreated back into my bubble of solitude because it feels like I am dealing with too much right now, even though I know the Bible says God will not give us more than we can handle, but right now it feels like it's too much. The stress is really taking it's toll on me, I can't sleep, hardly eat, can't think though I am trying hard to LOL.

I have prayed, but sometimes it just feels like it isn't working or worth it to try, and I know that is so wrong, but I am having a hard time with everything. I am working my way out of this valley of depression and stress related issues. I am looking at different volunteer opportunities to help get me out of the house and doing things other than sitting here thinking everything over. It is so hard when it's like one thing after another in life and you feel so alone. I know I'm not alone, and God is there with me, but there are times that it feels like I am alone.

So I basically am sitting here in shut down mode, letting myself be quiet and just go through the emotions until everything works itself out. My friend Jason made me look at him on Sunday as he told me everything will be okay and I will get through this before he gave me a hug. Sometimes a hug is so helpful especially a strong hug from him LOL. oy vey. Just pray for me/with me.

Insight Writer

I was just reading a dear friend's (Jeremy) blog Insight Writer. If you haven't read it you really should because he is insightful duh hence insight writer right. But Jeremy was talking about being at a cross roads in life and he said something that I thought was really interesting and got me thinking. He said: Some of the greatest advancements of mankind have come through dreamers. Men and women who thought the present could look very different in the future. People who weren’t afraid to try. Many times we are so incredibly focused on the future that we allow it to effect the present instead of letting the present effect the future. Others tend to live in the past not wanting to walk ahead when faced with a cross roads of sorts.

Sometimes I think we are always at a Y in the road each day because our decisions do make a difference to our futures. Like Jeremy says our decisions have consequences sometimes they are consequences that we want other times it is consequences that makes everything even harder. I think Carrie talked about this not to long ago too more of people being at their Y and just not making a decision. Like the quote above from Jeremy there are times when people are afraid of what the future may hold, and to honest I was there at one point in my life, sure it was when I was dealing with the cancer.

But Jeremy goes on to say the decision whatever it may be is his decision without any influences, and goodness how many times do we let outside influences effect our decisions and what we do? I know when I think about my choices I think about how it will effect others and they tell me their input but in all honesty like Jeremy said it always comes down to my choice. Sometimes we make mistakes, but those mistakes help us learn and make better decisions for what we do or don't do with our lives. I just love reading Jeremy's words, and I think you all should too.

Chasing shadows in the dark
Drives me mad; only to collapse
Blinded with tears; fears eat awayat my soul
Demons emerge in the night

My soul cries out, but no sounds
Dark abyss swallows me whole
Nowhere is safe
Fighting shadows; destined to fail

Desperate to be free; forever trapped
Demons cry out my name
Darkness engulf everything
Fears feed off each other

Lies penetrate hopes and happiness
Can't turn away; can't hide
Can I simply will the pain away?

Chasing shadows; demons hide
can't hide, can't close my eyes
nowhere is safe, destined to fail
destined to be destroyed; by my own demons

Random Messages

Today I came home and found a message on my myspace page from someone I do not know. He saw I was friends with Jeremy, Jason, Sarah, and Crystal and told me I had to be a strong wonderful person to be friends with them because they are great people which I totally agree with. There is no one better than they are. But anyway. He went on to say that he read my blogs and thought I had great insight and it showed my faith in God was strong and that he commends me on my faith and dealing with the things I have.

The thing is I have no idea who this man is. I have never met him, he only sent me a message because he knows some of the same people that I do. And...lately I have been feeling like I have been disappointing God. As if I have been a let down not only to Him, but also to everyone around me. It's not exactly the greatest feeling to have that you are letting down not just your friends and family but that you are letting God down. I know God has this ultimate plan for me and I know as of right now, I may not be living up to that plan and it does bother me. I have been motivated recently to change some things in my life and start doing some other things.

After talking to Jeremy the other night, I am taking different actions to get a good job and pursue my dreams. I am looking into other opportunities like volunteering at Acquire The Fire this year. I know those will not make these feelings go away but it is a start. I cannot just sit at home and think that I am letting God yet not do anything about it. I think there are times when God does something to poke us in the butt and say HEY listen up. I have a feeling that is what the random message was. God's way of saying I am NOT letting him down, that I just need to get myself moving. He does things like that in all of our lives and too often, I don't think we pay much attention when he does that.

Too often we are looking for God to do these big huge signs that he is around and still listening/caring about us, but maybe..just maybe we need to start looking at the small things. There can be more of God's actions within the small things throughout life than there are in the big life changing events.

Progress

This week has been so full of stress and heartache. I had my fears about somethings, and those fears presented themselves to be true. Someone who claimed to love me, didn't actually love me and used me for whatever purpose and I cannot figure out why. I don't have closure over the end of the relationship and at this point whatever. It seems cowardly to me, but some men are like that. It does depress me more and make me feel like a fool for allowing him into my life and my heart. I am tired of people toying with my heart and emotions. I am tired of being loyal and open and honest with people only to have it fall in around me. Why is it so hard for me to find someone who will treat me with the respect that I deserve?

Right now I am starting to feel like I am not good enough. That there must be something wrong with me to not be able to find someone who would treat me the way Song of Solomon says a man should treat a woman. Like when would it all end? When would I find the person that God has set out for me? I just want to be able to find someone to spend my life with and someone who will want to share his life with me, share his happiness the way I want to share mine. I thought I had someone who cared about me, said things to me only to have it all fall in around me, only to find out he lied the whole time.