Beauty From Pain

I recently heard a song from one of my favorite bands called Superchic[k]. I actually had the opportunity to met them in person and they are wonderful. I loved meeting them and talking to them, so hearing their songs, I remember how down to earth they are and how devoted to God they are. But anyway the song I heard and love right now is called "Beauty From Pain" and it speaks a thousand words to me.

I think too often we can't see past our pain. In my last post I talked about how modern churches don't have what people who are in pain need. I don't think churches today really reach out to those in pain and try to give them the hope they need which is why so many people don't go to church anymore. I know many people who left the church because of their pain and heartache and haven't been back because nothing gives them hope again and they are in a sense still blaming God for their pain. I tend to find myself blaming God for my pain, past, present, and I'm sure I will still do it in the future. I will be the first to admit that there are times when I don't want to step foot through those doors to my church. There are times when I don't pray...honestly...I don't really remember the last time I prayed on my own because it feels like my prayers are useless. There are times when my faith does fade and stumble, and I don't think that makes me a bad Christian...it just means I am human.

It is hard to see the beauty within our pain or to see that God will bring beauty through our pain. I still have many past hurts that I am holding on to, that I need to let go of, but seem to have a hard time doing it. And there is nothing I have read or done that helps...i could pray more but there are times when I feel like what's the use, and I am sure there are many of you out there feeling the same way. This song just said so much to me and has helped me the past couple of days. It's like my theme song haha. "I feel like I'm slipping away." is the last lyric in the first verse and i think too often we all feel like we are slipping away from our friends, family and sometimes even ourselves and when we feel like that we slip away from our faith in God whatever that faith may be.

Too often we look towards other things for healing instead of within. Churches today are there for one reason or another and many people don't feel like the church is there for them, and I have to admit there are times when I agree. I have gone to church thinking what is the point, nothing will help me right now. I felt like that Sunday; I was in this fit of depression, that I'm still struggling to get out of. We all have our demons that we battle everyday, sometimes we let others see them, other times we battle them in secret, no matter what. I think like Wm Young said we all have this "Shack" that we hide of pains, hurts, etc, and we think if they are locked in the shack they can't hurt us. But in the end our demons break down the door and eat away at us, and make us think there nothing that can be done.

We feel like the darkness surrounds us and like we have died like the song says. We grow cold to everything and everyone around us, we do more damage to ourselves trying to hide our demons sometimes than the demons do themselves. Or at least that is what I think. I know I have caused myself more pain than my demons could possibly cause. But there has to be something good that will come from the pain inside? Right now I am dealing with hurts from a past relationship and not wanting them to effect my relationship with Nate and it seems hard to try to "fix" myself so to speak. What can be done to forget the pain and tears I have cried? It's like we walk through life one day at a time almost like a zombie going through the emotions, not wanting to stir the pains and heartaches we are dealing with.