Cityy Nature

I was in a class on Monday and they had a prompt to write about. It had to do with nature and asked how can nature change your view of the world.  Listening to what the kids thought about nature got me thinking.
Alot if people consider nature a forest or meadow, but do we consider trees and plants in the city nature?

A few weeks ago I walked alittle bit around Pittsburgh taking pictures. My purpose was to show the beauty that is Pittsburgh.  To show you can enjoy "fresh air" and sounds in the city as you would on a hike.  Sure it is slightly different sounds and sights, but a pigeon is still a bird and a city park still has grass, trees, even a squirrel or two.

The few pictures are some I took that day.  You dont need to be in woods, a meadow, mountains or whatever to find nature or to learn from it.  Nature is even in the big city.

Greater the Love

Lately I have been reading Fushigi Yuugi, the manga for my favorite anime. One if my favorite characters says something near the end of one volume.  Chichiri told Tomahome (Taka), "that when you love another person, you open yourself up to the greatest happiness and the worst pain.  The greater the love, the greater the doubt. Its a struggle within..."

I agree that when you love some, when you are willing to give someone your heart you open yourself up to unimaginable happiness. I cannot begin to describe the happiness I share with Tom.  I never thought I could have this much happiness, didnt think I deserved it.  But here I am, happiest I have ever been. Though at the same time I find myself doubting.  Not Tom or his love for me, but that I am good enough for him.

Lately my emotions have been overwhelming for some reason and ive over-reacted to some things, simply because I worry that I am not good enough for him.  Its like I am struggling with myself to not fear losing him, or to feel that I am not letting him down or failing him. I  also realize how destructive it is that I think that I am not, that I dont deserve him.  Tom makes me want to be a better woman, a better girlfriend.  But can that desire and my insecurities do more damage?

Lovingly Thankful

Today, Tom and I have been together for 7 months. It seems like we have been together longer (in a good way).  I honestly can say it has been the best 7 months. Sure we may get aggravated with one another, bur what couple doesn't and at the end of the day he is still the only one I want to be with.  I am thankful to have him in my life.

I am thankful for:

His sense of humor.  Not matter Tom can make me laugh to the point of tears.

His determination.  He has goals and dreams for his life and he will do anything to achieve them.

Compassion, Tom is as compassionate as I am.  
He understands my way of thinking.  Lets admit I do think differently and Tom doesn't question it, but he does understand it.   Sometimes.

His talent.  I love how talented he is at art and everything else he does.

Patient, he is very patient with his nieces and.nephews, me, and generally other people.

His soft-temper.  Tom isn't, quick to anger.  I have actually never really seen him angry.

Tom is a wonderful man and I am thankful for having him in my life, and to have him as my partner on this path through life. I couldn't ask for a better man.

Spring Has Sprung

Spring is one of my favorite times of the year, fall is the other. During Spring, things come back to life; birds come out to sing; we see animals like squirrels running about. The best part..it isn't freezing cold! I feel so much happier during Spring also. There are so many things to be excited for.

I got to walk around Pittsburgh today just taking pictures ofthe city around me. I'm excited to be able to walk around the city or even just my block. Tom and I are talking about going to the Cherry Blossom Festival. So exciting to go, cherry blossoms are my favorite flower.

With the new beginnings that Spring brings to nature, it also brings new beginnings for me, I think. I am stepping out of my comfort zone a lot lately including my first cosplay in April for Tekko. Being able to step out of my comfort zone is something those who know me best know I have working on for a while.

Spring gives me so much energy and motivation to work toward a lot of my goals. I intend to ger into shape more by walking more which might help my lungs as well. Hopefully by June I will have a nice body to wear at the beach. I'm excited to go out and do more things and in turn bring more life into myself

Forgiveness, Lovingkindness

In the church bulletin on Sunday there were some extra verses to read in the diggung deeper section. Micah 7:18 was one of them. There part in that verse that stood out for me was towards the end of the verse which says "he remains not in anger forever but delights in lovingkindness." The verse's theme you could say is being like God in our actions. That we should follow God's lead in various situations in our lives.

A lot of the time people ask me how could I forgive someone who hurt me or did something wrong. The only thing I can say is its not in me to hold onto anger. Sure I remember the pain and sometimes it manifests into depression, but I still forgive. How can I not when my God forgave me? I enjoy displaying love and kindness to everyone even if I have been caused pain and heartache.

I try to live a life that models Christ's love and exhibit mercy and grace. My life isn't perfect, I'm not perfect. I know there are some things that aren't Christ-like in my life. That is being human. I accept all my sins and ask for forgiveness and no matter what He forgives me, how can I not treat my fellow man the same way?

Why do we harbor anger and resentment towards each other? Why are we always out for revenge and want to give people "what they deserve"? Who are we to decide what another person deserves simply because they hurt us? I know its easier said than done to forgive a person and let God deal the judgements. But how else do we display His lovigkindness if we never forgive others?

Hearing Thanks

So I thought instead of giving thanks for things in my life I asked some of my friends and family to tell me some of the things about they are thankful for.  It helped me see there are things about me people appreciate.  No this wasn’t an ego boost or something to pump me up but to make me realize I am loved and valued.  I have been feeling the opposite.  Here are some of the things people said:

Terry: Well darling, let me thank you too. For your patience, for your understanding, for your faith, for your ability to forgive and most of all for your love and friendship. I know my life is better for having someone like you in it.

Kate: your humor

Tom: Thankful to have you in my life.  That you love  torture popeye, you put up with my geekiness, that you eat, that you care about me and my family, that i need you, our evil offspring.  Im thankful that your middle name is turklton (Jenny Turkleton LOL), your underwear obsession, when you sing (your voice).  (Tom went alphabetically.   these were the silly ones he did have serious ones i promise)

Chris:  Your sweet personality

Pastor Paul: Your kindness, and courage

There are others and I do hear it day to day things people are thankful for.  The other day my mom was thankful that i found some websites for her.  My brother thanked me for always picking him up to go places.  Sometimes its the little things that we appreciate and hearing thank you and what people appreciate about me is something that sends me souring.  I feel better knowing people do appreciate me.

Re-Evaluating Friends

Since I started writing about friendship and what it means to be a friend and forgiving friends I have been thinking about the friends I have or rather the people who call themselves my friends. If I was the kind of person who did not forgive people I wouldn't have any friends, in fact I only have a select few that I talk to on a regular basis. There have been things said and done to me, that any other person would end the friendship and not even think twice about talking to the person who hurt them.

I mean I have a friend, someone who was supposed to be my friend barely call or talk to me. When I lived with mom, she said I lived too far away (15-20 minutes) now that I'm in Pittsburgh I'm definitely too far away. But what hurt the most was she wasn't going to acknowledge Tom and mine's relationship until 6 months, she didn't even want to know his name. But when i needed a friend the most she was there, several times. I keep thinking things are different now because our lives changed when she got married, I know that happens when one friend marries and the other doesn't.

I used to have a friend that tried to force me to press charges on the man who assaulted me, and grew angry when I didn't want to do it. He wanted me to do everything his way, the way he wanted. I forgave all the hurtful things he said to me, and when I didn't want to met his girlfriend I was a horrible friend. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I lost plenty of friends, many who I am having a hard time getting back into talking to because it's been so long. I already have a hard enough time making friends.

I admit that there are times when I think people are not being enough of a friend, or I wonder why am I friends with certain people. Can my forgiveness and understand be tested to the limit and taken advantage of?