Being Crazy

One of my favorite authors is Paulo Coelho.  He writes a lot of philosophical novels with one basic theme each novel.  Many even deal with things he experienced in his own life; he puts himself into his writing. Maybe that’s why I like him so much.  Right now I am reading his novel Veronika Decides to Die.  The theme in this one is Redemption.  Right now she is realizing things in her life that are worth living for.  She is discovering herself after she finds out she only has days to live, shortly after she tries to commit suicide.  Yes, after she tries she decides to live after being told she is dying of heart problems.

One of the first things she asks is “what does it mean to be crazy?”  I think that is a question we all ask ourselves sometimes.  What does it mean to be crazy?  Who is to say what crazy is?  I think it is a matter of opinion.  One person might say something and another person would say something completely different.  No one really knows what normal and crazy.  I could consider myself completely and totally normal but someone looking in could call me crazy or even insane.  Who is to say what that is.  What makes a person categorized as crazy?  What kind of test tells you that?  What kind of test measures the level of insanity a person may or may not have?

Sometimes people try so hard to be normal and not considered crazy, that they become boring and just like everyone else.  I like being different, some people think I am crazy but I think I am normal.  I am normal because this is the way God made me.  Sure there are things wrong, sure I have faults what human being doesn’t?  That doesn’t make me or anyone else crazy.  So…let your inner crazy out.

Self thanks

So I know last week I was trying to think of something to do for this week’s weekly thanks, and it took me a little while to think of something but I figured one out.  Some of you know I have been a little depressed and down on myself lately.  So I think something I need to do is to look inward and take a good look at the things about myself that I am thankful for.  The good things about me instead of the so called bad things that I seem to be focusing on.

I am thankful that I am loyal to my friends and family.  They can depend on me for a variety of things and I am thankful that they can.  I am thankful that I have a sense of humor.  I may not have funny comments or act funny all the time, but there are times when I do and I can laugh at almost anything.  Thankful that I am intelligent and it’s not what i know or my talents but its being smart enough to learn from mistakes, take critisism, and to know how to utilize the knowledge I do have.  I am thankful that I have goals that I am always trying to achieve and work hard to get to be where I am today and want to be in the future.  I am thankful for myself.  For being strong enough to fight through so many hardships and grow into the woman I am.

Sitting here trying to think of things about myself that I am thankful for was difficult.  I think I have a hard time finding the good because I have thought for so long that there was nothing worth giving thanks for, but I realize and know how wrong that is.  I should be thankful for so many things.  I don’t know why it took me so long to just sit and think about what I am thankful for within myself.  I think it is a good thing to do from time to time to keep myself in check.

Renewed Faith

I know yesterday I talked about the downfalls I seen in students I have subbed for.  While some students do frustrate me and make me wonder what is becoming of our youth. But I saw and heard something yesterday morning that helped keep the hope that kids aren’t doomed to act the way some of my students have been acting.

Yesterday in one of the first classes that I had there was a young man talking to his friends.  Now this wasn’t any ordinary talking to them, he was having a very serious conversation with the girls.  He was telling them about Jesus.  An 8th grader witnessing to his friends about how Jesus came to earth and then he told them about his church and a survival camp they went on.  Then at the end of the conversation, he prayed with them!  He openly prayed in the class.  I barely know the kid, first time I have met him and I was proud of him to have that courage to sit there and talk about God and Jesus like it was part of everyday conversation.

How many of us adults can say that we make that a habit?  Or that talking about God and Jesus to our friends comes that naturally or willing to be that open with people about our faith to pray openly with them and for them?  Why do we find it so hard when a boy, just a babe, finds it so easy?  Perhaps that ties in with Jesus saying we should be like children, their innocence and ability to share their faith and display it and not be ashamed to say “What did I do this weekend?  Well I went camping with my church wanna hear about it?”  Why can’t we say “oh I watched the football game with my church family and it was amazing, you should come next time.”  What I saw gave me hope, and encourages me to be more like a child in my enthusiasm for my faith.

Students

Last week I read an article online about a teacher who blogged things about her students.  Sometimes good things, but most of the time not so good things like that they are slackers, losers, unmotivated and that she wanted to say things like “the garbage company called and they are hiring.”   While I do agree with some critics that say that is inappropriate and she shouldn’t blog those things for the students to read.  But I understand her frustrations.  If the students today treat teachers half as well as I have been treated as a sub, I’m worried about today’s youth.

Kids don’t seem to care anymore.  When I was younger whenever a sub said the assignment the teacher left was graded or was a test.  We didn’t play around we did it and we did our very best.  Today….the kids talk, cheat (they don’t even hide it very well anymore) walk around, and give the sub (or in some cases teacher) an attitude when we tell them what they need to do.  Or even like today, call us inappropriate names.  Even as I write this I can hear a girl yelling and talking back to a teacher not a sub.  What makes kids think it is okay to treat teachers with disrespect?

Just 10 years ago we never thought about talking back to a sub let a lone a teacher.  Once we were told to put something away or do something we did it.  When they said do I need to write you up or send you to the office the answer was “No m’am, I’m sorry”  today it’s “I don’t care.”  Why is it that kids don’t care about their future anymore?  I remember I wanted to do everything I needed to stay out of trouble so I could get the grades I needed to get into college, yes in 8th grade I was already thinking about college and caring, so did many of my friends.  What happened that kids don’t care anymore?

Differences

Melissa and I were talking today about the “joys” of living with a man.  Now Tom and I have been living together for about a month now and yes I love living with him, but like Melissa and I were saying there are definitely differences between the male and female genders.  I mean for one, I have a laundry basket for my dirty clothes, for a while Tom was tossing his on a pile until I told him to do something with them.

I realized that while we are in-sync with a lot of things there are things we do differently.  Not bad, just different.  Small things like doing the dishes, cat litter, cooking, even folding our laundry.  I know it sounds silly but I like that we do things differently and work together despite the differences our genders do have.  Melissa and I spend time just talking about the “joys” of living with a man, whether we get frustrated with them or not.

I absolutely love living with the man I love and I enjoy learning new things about not just Tom but myself as well.  This is an environment that I wasn’t really ever in.  Sure I had roommates in college but that was different than it is now.  There is a bunch of different things I am learning about myself that I will write about later.  But the main thing is that despite the differences in things, and in the type of people we are everything is working wonderfully.  We are finding ways to deal with our differences and are working as a team and that is the point isn’t it?

Special Thanks

I keep doing weekly thanks and its starting to get harder to think of specific things to be thankful for like spending that time to give thanks to specific people.  Today will be the last specific person for a little while, but I will do more of those because I think it is important.  But for next week I will have to think of something different to theme my thanks post on. Any ideas?

This week my weekly thanks is for a person who has been there for a lot of things even if he wasn’t able to be there physically.  Terry, we met online and have been friends for several years now and are close, but busy lives cause for lack of communication that I do miss and will try to get back when things settle.  Terry has been my best guy friend for a while.  I know I can go to him with anything and know he can come to me with anything and we would be brutally honest with each other.  I realize sometimes the things I say may have hurt him and in the future I could hurt him more (Im human there will never be a time when I dont hurt the people closest to me).  But one thing I want Terry to know is he means a great deal to me.

I thank him for all the late nights just BSing on WoW whether it be playing hide and seek or just killing things while we talked about the things going on in our lives.  I thank him for the love and loyalty he’s shown, not many online friends are as loyal as Terry and I know sometime in the NEAR future we will meet someway somehow.  I am thankful for his cookiness and love for the Labyrinth that I share.  Thankful for the nights we played Literati til we couldn’t think straight.

We have had our differences, but our friendship remains true and strong.  I know lately I havent been around to chat as much, but I want him to know is that will change soon.  I am determined to bring back our talks and game play.  There isn’t anything about Terry that I am not thankful for, Im thankful for and love everything about him because that is what makes Terry such a wonderful person and friend.  Thank You Terry for inside jokes, understanding no else has and so much more.  I just think you needed to “hear” that.

Romance Novels

This week I am reading Night Play by Sherrilynn Kenyon, one of my favorite paranormal romance authors.  While I was reading it (almost done) I got to thinking about how most romance novels depict the male lead (and supporting characters) as charming, handsome; gorgeous, sometimes mysterious beings, irresitable and so much more.  While I was reading I got to thinking are these men more than the men in our lives?  Really?  Is this what we want them to do be, act, and think?

While I reading some of the passages in the novel I kept thinking about Tom (no not the naughty scenes).  Some of the mannerisms of Vane reminded me of some mannerisms Tom has.  Like going to wipe a tear from my eye and ending up poking me.  The men in our lives aren’t “perfect” by far, no person is perfect.  But they are perfect for us.  I see Tom and all I can think is how perfect he is for me.  How could I want someone who is not the man I love?  Or even fantasize about someone else?

Sometimes I think sure romance novels give us something to “think about” or enjoy reading cause some of them do involve the relationship aspect of romance.  But on the other hand it hinders us because it creates an unrealistic idea of men and what the “perfect” man is.  To each woman her perfect man is different just like to each man his perfect dream woman is different from anothers.  Maybe we should stop reading the novels and try to create our own romance story.