Letting Go

I am having a conversation with one of my good friends about letting go of people we care about and love.  While we love these people dearly; we know we need to let them go and do what they need to do. What we both are realizing is that we are accepting the situations that we have like the book Broken Open talks about; new doors are opening.  Things are slightly changing.  We are accepting that one door might be closing on us and instead of trying to wedge our feet in to keep it open….something else presents itself.

I think a lot of time we are all stuck trying to hold onto the past whether it is a person we love, a job we gave up, an opportunity we let pass us by or whatever we try to hold on to it.  Hold onto some of our failures; I know I’m guilty of that.  We are constantly looking back instead of looking forward.  We want to keep trying to either wedge our feet into the door close or bust down the door that has already been close.  When we do that we don’t notice all the doors that are being open to us.  Why do we do that?  Why can’t we let things go and try to break through the closed doors.  Why can’t we just let go and accept the way things are?  Especially if it hurts so bad.

I have decided to just realize that when I accept things for the way they are and not try to hold onto the things I need to let go, i will see the doors more clearly and maybe…just  maybe be a little bit happier.

Open Doors

I am reading this book called Broken Open and there are so many things that it says that is making sense to me and I think I am going to try.  The chapter I read today had a quote at the beginning that is sticking with me and making me think.  It is from a  poet named Rumi.  It says: The moment you accept what troubles you've been given, the door will open.

Sometimes we don’t want to accept our troubles and kind of deny that we are going through anything.  We are human, we will constantly be dealing with some sort of hardship no matter what it is.  Yet for some unknown reason we cannot accept that we go through things.  Whenever someone asks how are things going or how do  you like your new job; we never answer what is on our minds.  We never say things just aren’t going right.  We never say that there is a struggle in our lives.  Why not?  Why can’t we admit that we are hurting?

Rumi says that once we accept our troubles doors will be open. We tend to pound at that door, trying to make it open but its like pad-locked.  We need to accept the fact that we will go through troubles and tribulations.  We need to share not only our accomplishments and satisfaction, but also our sorrows and failures.  There is nothing wrong in admitting that sometimes things aren’t always sunshine and rainbows.  Because seriously when is it really all sunshine and rainbows?

Weekly Thanks

Here I am again giving thanks for the things that I have in life.  Things that I may sometimes take for granted.  But the more I think about things in life the more I try to appreciate the little things in life.

A good family

Music…i realized this week how much I listen to music.  I always listen to music, when I am getting ready, when I clean, when i drive.  I never realized it until now that music is a part of me.

Fresh summer air.  There is nothing like sitting outside on a nice summer night.

Smell of fresh rain: I love to sit outside when it is raining so I can smell the rain and enjoy beauty of God all around.

The trials in life that has made me the woman I am today.

I Don’t Care

I have started listening to a band called Apocalyptica and I have to say I love their music.  Okay maybe its because they use cellos for rock/goth songs which is great in my book.  They have many great songs, but there is one song that I keep listening to today and i cannot get out of my mind.  It is called “I Don’t Care” featuring Adam from Three Days Grace.

I think thats the kind of attitude I need to take more often.  I don’t care.  I don’t what other people say, think or do.  Why should I care?  Why should I try to make other people happy when in the end it makes me unhappy?  Why should I worry if someone thinks it makes them look better to call me a whore?  I know the truth and people around me know the truth. 

Im getting to the point where I don’t care about other people  (to an extent) I still want to help people mainly children, but I am becoming bitter about people my own age.  I don’t care, I don’t give a rats ass about what other people think, say or do anymore.  Why should I?  What is the point in it?  There isn’t one.  I think I am changing the way I think and act, which is not a bad thing.  Right now I don’t care what others think, say, or do. 

 

Thanks

I know I have been MIA for a while, but I took a break from writing but I am trying to get back into writing.  I enjoy it and some of my friends say they enjoy reading what I write so here I am.  But that is beside the point.  There are times when we need to give thanks for the things that we have in life whether they are small things, or big things.  Whatever it is give thanks so here again are some things I am thankful for.

Good friends. My friends mean the world to me, whether i met them in person or online.

Everyday Beauty.  There is beauty all around us that we take for granted: children, butterflies emerging, plants growing, a simple rain drop

Sitting down with a good book

oddly: the softness of my cat.  Whenever something seems to go wrong my cat feels softer

being cancer free

that my mom is okay after her car accident and daddy is okay after his accident at work.

my clients.  I enjoy my job and working with the kids that I do.  There is no greater joy than to see progress in a kid you are working with.

Dating Rant

So we all know I have been dating yay.  But the thing that gets me is the guys I date act one way and turn out to be something else.  Before YES Camp I started dating this guy and we went out a few times, but when i got back from camp I found I was blocked from his number and his facebook page.  I have no idea why things seemed to be going good.  Then I went out with this other guy, again things going good, next day he was texting me all day then suddenly he stopped, and won’t answer any that I sent.  I am confused. <Imagine a very confused me…>

Why not just be upfront and honest when you don’t think something is going to work out.  Why do some guys have to just avoid a person?  I mean why make someone think things are good, you’ll see them again and then poof disappear, go mia, drop off the face of the earth if you will.  I mean what is so hard in being honest with a person?  Why be so vague?

I am a good woman…a damn good woman.  I know I have my faults, I mean who doesn’t right?  I just don’t understand sometimes.  I know there is a good guy out there somewhere, but I am tired of kissing frogs to find my prince…

Forgetting

Everyone has had something bad said about them in one form another, granted its hurtful to hear that someone has decided to say things about us.  There are times when no matter how old you are you will have to deal with people talking trash so to speak. Recently I had someone who I thought was a friend say some pretty nasty things about my character; things that are too far out there to be true.  But it still hurts.  The way I react to this is whats important.  Do I lash out at the person who is saying these things, or do I act as if what is being said in fact does not bother me?

Paulo Coelho says in his novel “The Fifth Mountain”:Life is made of oour attitudes. And there are certain things that the gods oblige us to live through. Their reason for this does not matter, and there is no action we can take to make them pass us by.  We don’t know the reason why certain things happen.  I dont know why this person feels the need to say mean and hurtful things, but there is a reason for it.  How i react could make a huge difference.  There is nothing I can do about another person’s actions and right now I am fine with that.  Its my actions and my attitude that means anything.

If I lash out at said person; I wouldnt be the bigger person, i would just be allowing her words to anger me, which makes me think of the kids saying “sticks and stones my break my bones but names will never hurt me.”  What good will lashing out do?  My attitude needs to be better than that.  There is nothing I can do to make this person stop their words, there is nothing i can do to stop anyone from saying something, but I can react in a positive manner and thats what makes me…well me and makes my life the way it is.