Acceptance

This post is an acceptance of one of the struggles in my life.  The end of last month a tragedy happened to me; well a crime was committed against me. I’m not going into details about what happened because honestly…I don’t think I can at this point.  Someday I will be.

I have alot of the things that I need to do; should do to help myself through the process of healing.  There are some of those things, that I just cannot do.  Things I almost did, but chickened out of; changed my mind on because I don’t think I can handle it.  I know it makes me look weak because I cannot bring myself to go through with something I planned on doing.  I know my not going through with it also hurts some of the people in my life and that in itself hurts me.  But like I said I cannot bring myself to do.  Just the thought of it scares me and makes me want to cry.

Sometimes in life when we are faced with decisions to make we need to think of our own well-being, it may be selfish, it may be weak, but sometimes we do need to think of ourselves.  I don’t think I would be able to remain intact through it; I would just break, whatever thread that is holding me together would come apart.  Ive done a lot of things I didn’t really want to do, but knew I needed to do, and this one thing…I just cannot bring myself to do…and it makes me feel weak.

No matter what we go through in life, knowing we have people that care is what makes a difference and while some of the people in my life don’t know the full extent of what happened, they support me and that means the world to me.  Having someone there to talk to when I need it, or someone there to allow me to be weird, or even to threaten to leave me in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese.  While going through this, having my best guy friend there for me is what has helped me through this.  I  know what happened, while it happened to me, has hurt him too…so has my decision and I cannot explain  it.  And I don’t know what to do to help.  I know the whole thing is hard for everyone, but really…I have to do what is right for me.  .