Comfort Zone

I know I think a lot about comfort zones and venturing out of them.  I know myself I struggle with wanting to stay within my own comfort zone and doing what others want me to do.  I read something today by Paolo Coelho (yes he is becoming my favorite author) he said “Sometimes we are so attached to our way of life that we turn down a wonderful opportunity simply because we don’t know what to do with it.”  When I read that I had to ask myself what have I passed up because I was afraid to leave what I knew or because I didn’t know what to do with the opportunity?

There are some opportunities that I have regretted not taking such as a summer seminar in Ireland, 2 weeks of studying W.B Yeats, or the course in photography in Ireland (my favorite professor was the prof. for that one and offered to take me to WB Yeats seminar.)  I could have learned so much there, but i was too afraid to even try it.  There are some opportunities I was afraid to take and looking back I am happy I didn’t take them because I wouldnt be where I am today. 

I know in life we cannot look back and wonder what, but sometimes looking back can help us learn and grow for the future. I already know I am taking more risks in life and taking steps out of my comfort zone like driving 611 miles to see Casey when I have never been there.  It may not seem like much but it was a big step from comfort zone.  How can we grow and learn more about ourselves and about life if you don’t venture out of our comfort zones?  How can we experience life if we just do what everyone else in our community does?  Why don’t we just take risks and leave our comfort zones and learn more, experience more and grow more?

Weekly Thanks

I thinking to myself I need to spend more time thanking God for the things I have in my life.  There are things in life that we all should be thankful for, things we tend to take for granted.  I appreciate many things in life.

A child’s laughter

Having a good job that I love

Having a man I love dearly

Friends who are there through and through

A family who supports all decisions

A hunger for knowledge

a simple….hug

Reading a good book on a snowy night

a nice hot bubble bath

The softness of a kittens fur

I know there are some things on the list that are more simplistic than others and other that are more in depth. But everything that we take for granted can be seen as small and simplistic while others are small but deep like having clean water to drink and bathe in.  What are things you are thankful for?

Lifting Up

Lately I have been thinking about the things in life that either get me down or lift me up. I have noticed there are more times when I focus on the things that bring me down rather than what lifts me up. I ask myself why? Why do I do this? I love smiling and being happy so why dwell on the things that hurt and bother me? There are times when we all need lifted up and there are different things that do that. Instead of dwelling on things that bring us down we need to look at positives in life. Does God want us to be negative about life? No, I think he wants us to be positive. Im sitting here thinking of things in life that make me happy that can turn any bad day into something good in an instant. A lot of them have to do with my faith in God, other things not so much, but I guess they tie in with him somewhere.

Reading my Bible. I admit I don't do this as often as I should, but when I do I feel lifted, rejuvinated and so much more happier. Its hard to feel down and depressed when I read my Bible, but at the same time it is hard to read it when I feel down and depressed.

Casey. Yep the love of a good man always makes me happy when I think of him. There are times when I get sad and depressed because I cannot be with him daily or be there to comfort him in times of stress, but that doesn't mean he loves me any less. So how can I allow depression to rule me when I have someone who loves me so much?

Friends. I cannot say that I have a TON of friends, but the friends that I do have mean a great deal to me. I have a few friends who have been there for me during a time when i needed support the most, and those people are like family. When I feel down and out sometimes I will call one, or send them a message. Other times I will look at pictures and just smile. (You all know who you are, if not I will remind you LOL).

Church. My church is like a second home to me. I cannot imagine a better place than sitting in my church for a football game or going bowling with my church family. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my church and I can't imagine feeling depressed after going to a service. I may go in depressed and down, but when I come out...Im lifted up.

We all struggle with feeling depressed and down on a daily basis. Some deal with it differently and some have a harder time with it. SOme feel depressed worse than others, but we all deal with it in one form orr another. There are so many ways we feel lifted and brightened. Many times some of those ways are God's way of trying to help us. What are some ways you feel lifted?

Changes In Life

The other day my brother and I were shopping, and we were in this one store that 10 years ago we would have been bored out of our minds.  On this day we both were talking about how nice things they had for houses and what we would like in each of our homes.  How short those 10 years were but they changed both of us in many different ways.  One thing is that we do not fight like cats and dogs anymore haha.

Looking back on my past I realize where I have gone wrong, when I should have taken risks and when I shouldn’t have.  I learn from my past, and I see how they have changed me.  For the better.  I admit I am not the naive teenager I once was, I have grown in many different ways and see life in a different light than I did back then.  I want some of the same things but in different ways.  I have had more experiences in that time, but despite those experiences I still think I would have changed.  I mean if I never had cancer I still think I wouldn’t be the same person I once was.

As we grow we learn new things and our viewpoint on the world itself changes.  We begin to think about things that are bigger than ourselves, sure we think more on God and our purpose in life, but we also pay attention to the news, we are effected by world tragedy like what happened in Haiti.  I know I am effected by Darfur though few people know about it.  When I was a teenager, I don’t think it would have had the effect that it does now.  I wouldn’t have wanted to hop a plane and go to Darfur: the most dangerous place in Africa right now.  I would have wanted to help and tried to find different ways, but now…its different.  Maybe its because I went to the Holocaust Museum or read so many books.  But my heart is different in so many ways not just to human suffering.

Things that were once important to me don’t make sense, the way I felt about myself doesn’t make any more sense.  Sometimes it feels like my heart is softened, but hardened at the same time.  At one point that wouldnt have made sense to me but now it does.   Time does change things…

Could Haves and What Ifs

I am in the middle of reading a book called By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept.  Right off the bat it talks about things that makes the readers think.  Paolo simply says “I could have. What does that phrase mean?”  Honestly what does I could have mean?  We' just end up looking back when we think I could have done this or I could have done that.  There are many times throughout life when we could do one thing or another.  That’s part of the decision making in life.  That is part of life in general.  We could go down one path or we could go down another.

While we are looking back and thinking I could have” we also start wondering “What if.”  Those can be two of the most dangerous things we can thing.  What ifs could lead us to regret the good decisions we made because we think “I could have done that, and what if I had.”  Its like when the what ifs and could haves enter our minds we get wrapped up in it and don’t realize what we do have and the right choices that we have made.  Could haves and what ifs only hurt us more than we think they do.  They inhibit us from really moving forward and living the life we deserve to live.  If I sat here thinking, “What if I didn’t buy my car”  Sure i would have 350 or more a month to spend on student loans, BUT (there always has to be a but) I wouldn’t have my own vehicle.  I could have bought a used car, but would it have problems.  I admit I subccomb to the what ifs and could haves and honestly I wish I didn’t.  I wish I could make a decision on not have the what ifs and could haves to enter into my mind.

There are other things that the what ifs enter my head for and those things are things I am working on.  There parts of the what ifs and could haves that we should all work on.  We can never just not wonder what if or think “well I could have” but we can limit it..right?

Hard Things in Life

The other day I posted a short post about doing something very hard, something that took all the strength I had.  But it needed to be done.  I forgave my rapist.  I have come a long way from the horrible night in 2001.  Forgiving the man gave me more strength then I thought it would.  When I forgave him I wasn’t saying what he did to me was okay, that it didn’t hurt emotionally and well physically, or that it wasn’t wrong.  Forgiving him was saying I am taking control over my life again.  I am not letting his actions rule me and cause my depressions.

The moment I gave it to God and forgave the man who hurt me the worst way, I felt a relief, a weight being lifted.  I felt free for the first time in 9 years.  Holding on to that pain, heartache, resentment, and bitterness just took a toll on me.  It destroyed me more than I thought it did.  It took a hold of my life and only brought me down more.  Took control of myself even though I thought I had control of it.    But letting go and forgiving the man who raped me…gave me control back.

Opportunities

I am watching “Evan Almighty” and there is a line in the movie said by Morgan Freeman who plays God. “When you pray for patience does God give you patience or the opportunity to be patient.  You pray for courage does he give you courage or the opportunity to be courageous.  When you pray to grow closer as a family…does it happen or does God give you the opportunity to grow closer.”  That’s not word for word, but the gist of what was said.  You get the idea though.

God gives us the opportunity to learn the things that we ask for like courage, patience, strength.  We learn them through the opportunities God gives us.  I wanted strength and I was diagnosed with cancer, I gained strength through it.  There are other things as I look back when I wanted patience, courage, strength, wisdom.  While I didn’t get them right off the bat God gave me opportunities for them to grow.

God doesn’t give us the things we want right away.  He gives us the opportunity to learn the things we need.  We don’t realize God is giving us these opportunities when He hands them to us.  We need to pay attention to the opportunities we have in life, and what we pray for, you never know God just may be trying to give you what you want and need.