Relationships

Recently a dear friend of mine left her husband. I will not go into details of course out of respect for my friend, but her husband is an alcoholic and that has effected their relationship. She wants nothing more than to fix their relationship and move on as husband and wife, but he is not willing to work on things. In a conversation with me, he has stated, things changed; they aren’t the same. When we marry someone we say we will be with them til death do us part. We are not saying we will give up when things change and that is what my friend’s husband did. She told him their marriage was in jeopardy and he just gave up. I have to wonder what God thinks of situations like that? I know God wants you to enter into a marriage for life, til death do us part and the bible even speaks out against divorce, but aren’t there circumstances where he would understand such as this? Where in essence her own well being is in jeopardy since her husband was interested only in getting drunk?

I think God does want us to be happy and sometimes we need to realize that there may be problems in any relationship we have, but we need to work on them. I know there will be issues in my relationship with Nathan, but I am not going to let those issues come in the way of our relationship. Relationships take work, even our relationship with Christ. We cannot jsut say we accept Him into our lives and then not do anything. We need to talk to him, read his word and listen for his voice. Communication. The same thing that holds earthly relationships together. We need to work on our relationship with Jesus just as much as we need to work on our earthly ones. Just like we cannot give up on those we love, we cannot give up on Jesus.

Depression

Depression is a funny little thing: it can come when you least expect it too. It also doesn't take a whole lot for it to rear it's ugly head. Right now I am dealing with my own demons, and there wasn't anything that really brought this on. A guy came to the kiosk and kept asking me out. He wouldn't take no for an answer nor did it matter that I was seeing someone. He just kept asking me to have a drink with him, which really made me uncomfortable and I couldn't really walk away from him seeing how I had to stay at the kiosk, and there were no security guards or anything nearby. The situation with that guy brought on a lot of different feelings from the past. In the past I was violated in the most horrendous way and that has sparked my depression on many different occasions.

Depression just causes so many different things like doubt, worthlessness and other odd feelings that aren't justified. I am trusting God and relying on him for help and strength to get out of this valley, but today it just seems useless. But I have hope. There will be times when things seem useless/hopeless and as if God isn't there, but He is there. Things aren't as hopeless as they seem sometimes. God is there to lift us up and carry us through these hardships. Right now I am feeling lonely, sad (i've cried) and I really don't fully understand why I am feeling this way. I know God is there, and I know I am surrounded by those who love me. It's just the way depression tends to work sometimes...makes you feel things that aren't true..aren't real.

Overcoming

This past weekend I went to visit someone special. In order to do this I needed to fly to Philly and there I met Nate and we drove to New Jersey. Normally flying isn't a big deal, but I flew by myself for the first time and I am prone to panic attacks; even in a crowded area like the airport I would have a panic attack. The great thing was that I didn't have one. I did get nervous and started to feel one begin, but I was able to overcome it and make it through the trip. Since being diagnosed with cancer, my outlook on life has changed. I realized I was living more in a box, my comfort zone and whenever I tried to step out of it, I would have a panic attack, and I don't want to live that way. God couldn't possibly want me to live in that way.

I sat in the airport and breathed the way I would in yoga when I felt an attack coming. When I was on the plane I focused my attention elsewhere, like on God or on getting to see Nate after not seeing him for almost a month. I didn't mind take off, though landing was a little rough. I did get lost in the Philadelphia airport when I arrived, but I didn't get upset or lose my attention, I just called Nate and found my way to where I needed to be. I was able to overcome something in my life that I thought I could never deal with without medications. But I did. By the grace of God and prayer I was able to overcome something that seemed to rule my life.

Since having cancer, my life is changing and it is for the better. I didn't see it then, but God had a grand plan for this terrible situation. I can overcome anything as long as I have faith in God and the power of prayer.

How Could It Happen

There is so much that goes on in our lives that we stop and wonder how could this have happened. There are too many things in life that we don't think could happen to us; when we think of things in that light we are unsure of how to handle them. We are unsure of how to pray for things or what we should pray for. How do we help someone who is dealing with something major? When bad things happen, too many of us ask God why it happens. Why could he have allowed things to happen the way they do. Its hard to help someone understand why something happens when it does and affects their lives so much.

I know of a situation where it was stated "you never think it could happen so close to you" and that made me think. Yea we never think of the worst things that could happen, but the thing is they do happen and people find a way to make it through them. Most of them turn to like drugs, alcohol or other things, but we need to really turn to God when we need to make it through something horrible and devastating. Who else could help us find consulation or peace through the most hideous of events that life can throw at you? Sometimes instead of thinking that could never happen to me, why not start to think that is possible, but how would I deal with it and pray to God that one it doesn't happen to you and 2 that you will be able to respond in the correct way when something does happen to throw your world out of whack.

Comfort Zones and Risks

Too often I find myself sitting within my own comfort zone and I make excuses to not leave my zone and take a risk no matter what it may be. I tend to stay in places of my life that are comfotable and have no chance of me failing, getting hurt, but at the same time I have no chance of succeeding in something that I put my mind to or attempt. How can I know what the potential that God has given me is if I don't take the risks needed to find it out? I just stay where I am doing the same thing day in and day out, all the while feeling like I am not living up to what God wants me to or that I am where God wants me to be. But in the same mindset, how do I know where God wants me to be or what he wants me to do? Will everything seem to fall into place and make the most sense or what?

For several years I have felt that I needed to be somewhere other than where I am now. That there is something bigger for me in a different place, and that place is possibly in another state. What has stopped me was I know there are people in my life who would be hurt if I did move away...mom is one of the biggest people that I know will be hurt if I move away, but what if the only way I can fully spread my wings and find out God's purpose for me is to move away where I am not influenced by those around me. I know I need to take risks and not stay in this comfort zone that I made for myself. How can I accurately serve God if I stay in a comfort zone and take risks for Him? What if He is trying to lead me somewhere else and I am too afraid and comfortable, or that I am allowing too many other people influence me and where I feel I need to go?