The Motions

I have gotten into the habit of listening to K-LOVE on my way to and from work, it is a Christian radio station. When I listen to it in the morning, I notice a difference from when I listen to something else or nothing at all. I have more energy and I am not as irritated with some of my co-workers. But anyway a song came on that I have heard many times before, but today…it brought me to tears. I tried to sing along but I got choked up. Very few songs make me do that, unless they really hit home and make me think about my life and my walk with Jesus.

Sometimes it does feel as if I am going through the motion of living life. Am I really allowing God’s passion to fill my life and my soul. I think I need to allow God to fill my life and allow him to be present in all aspects of my life. Somehow the passion of Christ has left me, probably because I am guilty of thinking I can handle things, or thinking this are too busy to spend even a few minutes with God. Its like just walking through the day in a daze, or a fog so to speak. Too often we do just go through the motions and follow the routine of things so to speak. I just told Tom the other day; I don’t like my new job because it is too routine, but we are content with having a routine with God. Why? We have schedules for our times with God, like church on Sunday or prayer time when we wake up or before bed, or Bible time during lunch or whatever. Why don’t we just randomly stop and pray like we would randomly stop and check our facebook?

I am sitting here as I type this and I ask myself I try hard to make time to spend with Tom because I love him, or time with my family and friends because I love them. I love Christ, so why is it so hard to make time for Him? Why is it I can listen to the songs and sing along at home or in the car, yet when I get to work I listen to something completely different? Maybe that can be the first change to not “going through the motions”

God's Will

Lately I have been listening to a Christian radio station K-Love more often. I love listening to it on my way to work. The other day I forget what they were talking about but they mention"For I know The plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I don't know why but hearing that verse really hit me and made me begin thinking about so many different things mainly my own life. God knows the plans he has for my life. Sure I may not know them, But God does.

I have been trying to write up my testimony for a few youth groups around the area and have been having a hard time doing it until I heard this verse. God has a plan for everything in our lives, the good things and the bad things are a part of God's plans. We may not know what those plans are and sometimes we may never know what they are, but God always has a way of using every event in our lives for something good, something better. In 2007 I was diagnosed with cancer, and there were times when I wondered what could possibly be God's plan for me to have cancer when I was 24. The more I think about it, the more I can see a plan, a path I can take. through my experience I can talk to others on a wide range of things regarding God. I could talk of His healing, His plans, that it is okay to be angry at God and so much more.

Me, Me, Me

One of the questions at the end of chapter one for Purpose Driven Life asks: "In spite of advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?" After reading that question and the chapter which is about learning that life isn't mine persay, but a life for God.

Too often we are so self centered and want everything for ourselves. We think that everything revolves around our own wants and desires. Even before the hurricane hit Hatteras Island, people complained their vacations would be interrupted, what about the families on the island? What about those who would lose houses, businesses and more? But vacationers didn't worry about that, just that their vacations were being interrupted and plans destroyed. The point of is that we are too focused on the "me syndrome." Everything and sometimes everyone has to revolve around us and our needs. We don't often think of other people unless a big disaster happens or something like that.

Was there a time when humanity wasn't so centered on themselves? Did people ever honestly, truly care about the people around them? I would like to think so, I mean people used to help raise children like the saying "it takes a village to raise a child." If humanity did ever think about other people and not constantly themselves, is there a way we can become less self-centered?

One Year

I was going to start this differently and do something completely different. But while I was driving into town today, I just sat there (driving) and thinking about this past year and the past relationships. No it wasn't a bad thing like it has in the past. i didn't rehash all the bad experiences I have had, but gave thanks for the good within my relationship with Tom. While I thought I began to cry from happiness. For once I am nearing the one year anniversary knowing the man beside me loves me despite my faults and short comings. He knows where I am weak and where I am strong and that doesn't make a difference. He doesn't see me for what he wants me to be, but for who I am.

I was never good enough, or "too good" for someone. Although sometimes I think the "too good" comment was a cop-out for the men who said it. I was never right for someone and I always thought it was a problem with me, that something was wrong with me. But now I see, it was the other way around, they weren't right for me. They always tried to make me into someone I wasn't or thought I was someone different, and when they realized who I am for the person I am...they couldn't handle it. But with Tom, everything is different. Even how we interact is different. It all....fits.

One year ago I went out on a date with this guy I was talking to...it turned out to be the best date of my life, and in turn...became the best relationship. We had an amazing year together I am sure we will have more in the future.

Sunset

A few weeks ago I sat at Kitty Hawk Kites to watch the sunset. While I was there waiting for the sun to start setting, I watched the kite boarders board on the sound. The wind carried them across the water as if God took his hand and pulled them across the water. I sat taking various pictures, a little too many actually.

Sometimes it is easy to take some things for granted no matter what those things could be. Too often we don't think about the things that we have that someone else might not have in another country. Not even material things. We take opportunities for granted, people for granted. We turn our backs on our friends, we make fun of people and spread gossip instead of embracing our differences and learning more. We allow opportunities to pass us by instead of relishing in them. How many times do we take a few minutes to enjoy a sunset? How often do we take a day away from the computer or tv and walk around our neighborhoods or drive somewhere different to explore?

If I didnt take the opportunity to come to North Carolina, if I had told Tom no I didn't want to and wanted to stay in Pittsburgh. There are so many things I would have missed out on experiencing such as seeing jellyfish, watching dolphins swimming in the ocean, watching the sun set over the sound, or sitting on the beach under the moonlight with Tom. We are planning more weekend trips where we just explore different American cities within driving distance or even a cruise sometime to explore and visit other places.

Life is too short to miss out on amazing things this world has to offer, or even what our own cities and states have to offer us. Better yet, its too short to miss out on what we can offer each other. Seize the day!

Changes

It has been a little while since I have written something due to many different reasons one of which being not having much of an internet connection and recently my computer not working. But it's back and soon Tom and I will be back home. But that really isn't what this post is about. I have spent a few weeks just staring off at the ocean, sunset, or nothing in general. Thinking. About various different things, mainly myself and some of the things I do or don't do. There are some things I would like to change about myself and things I would like to start doing differently. Some I have already started doing, others will start when I get home and have access to more resources. One thing I am determined to make it through the Purpose Driven Life, and one thing I am going to do is post on here some stuff pertaining to it, like my thoughts, answers to some of the questions etc. Maybe that will help me become more disciplined in some things.

I want to be more disciplined in so many aspects of my life. I do things great for a few days then I mess up my schedule and all is lost. I want that to change. Part of that is working out more and getting in better shape and eating more properly, including drinking things that are better for me than soda most of the time. There are so many things I want to do in life, but for some reason I limit myself. No one else limits me, but myself. That is going to change, and will change. :D I will post more this week and soon I will be back to home in Pittsburgh!

Walk On The Beach

This morning we woke up to rain, boo.  But despite the drizzle Tom and I decided to still go to Pea Island and walk the beach looking for sea glass and sea shells.  When we got there, the rain hadn’t hit yet, so we were in luck.  We spent about an hour or two just walking on the beach together with the waves washing over our feet and collecting shells and glass, and talking.  It was a wonderful morning.

Sometimes I think every couple needs that alone time to spend together whether it is a dinner and movie out (or in)  or even a stroll around the block, woods, anywhere.  A part of keeping a relationship going is to have that quality time together to show how important each other truly are.  Quality time is one of five love languages that Dr. Chapman talks about in his book “Five Love Languages.”  in short the ways we all feel loved and important.

At one point during our walk Tom reached over and took my hand, the day changed from going to look for “treasure” to seeing his love for me and displaying mine for him.  There were times when we didn’t say a word, but looked at the sand or the ocean.  We got to spend two hours uninterrupted time together without cell phones, tv, computer or anything, just us. It was wonderful.  Its important to have that time.  To put away the phone (better yet turn it OFF so you wont be tempted to text or answer it), turn tv/computer/video games off and do something to spend time together, rekindle what made you fall in love in the first place.